The 90 days of NeverWDb4

[NeverWDb4]

Keep going! Try not to force SEs or especially HFO's -- assuming you want your brain/body to move towards WDs. I don't think it's the loss of semen that's the problem as much as it is the brain reinforcing other outlets over WDs.

Good luck!

Yeah, I'm trying to be as natural as possible by abstaining from both pornography and masturbation. I reckon the HFO and SE are going to be one-off occasions that happened due to specific circumstances.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 8 - Tired

I had badminton early in the morning and came home really tired. It's going to be a chill night.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 13 - Calm

The last 5 days have been calm, very little to no porn consumption, no thoughts of mb and very much being busy to get away from solo time on the phone.

Biggest trigger is usually social media thirst traps and the nighttime so I watch YouTube content which I can purposefully seek out sfw videos and maintain an early bedtime to avoid idleness in the early hours, leading to relapsing and temptation.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 15 - Flatline

As I mentioned, the last week has been quite uneventful in terms of No PMO. I reckon this would be considered the 'flatline'. I use this term lightly though as every time I believe that I have one, it always ends up in a sudden arousal and the inevitable. No sexual dreams, did have some temptations but they were quelled easily. Sleep schedule has taken an impact, resulting in late wakeups but this should be quickly fixed by being more productive and busy away from the bedroom.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 16/17 - Ejaculation by the mind?

As I have experienced after declaring a 'flatline', the hornies just come back stronger. I slipped up by watching porn despite not being physically horny, I.e. no boners, just the thought of watching P and I was edging it until I was 75% there but as I was watching it, I felt orgasm and ej, I stopped the full ejaculation but there was a bit spilled.

So, my question or rather my confusions lies whether:
Is this premature ejaculation or hands-free orgasm as I stopped jerking well before PONR and finished off due to excitement?

[charlythemoose]

i would call it HF, this is why i don't edge that happen almost each time i try edging by MBing

[NeverWDb4]

Day 18 - P*rn

I peeked at some porn as I was talking about how the last two times I ej, It was on the same guy which got me aroused. Whilst I peeked, I still had the control to refrain and instead of binging further, I stopped and watched something else more appropriate. I think I'm beginning to manage my urges better than when I started, partly due to the increased knowledge of p*rn detriment on the mind and also the use of an accountability partner.

I had MW today so I think i'm stepping in the right direction in terms of recovery. However, I think my MW is very inconsistent. According to doomscrolling, this means one of two things: low testosterone or ED. I don't think it's ED as it still comes around but low T has been a concern of mine.

[Peel]

It can be also stress which prevents you having MWs more frequently. But more porbably you have erections in your sleep only you don't know about it. In every case, if you feel being in better control it is a good sign.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 19 - Insomnia

This morning, I could not sleep. I did not know whether it was being too hot from the heated blanket or overthinking which is caused by being awake in the early hours.

I was left with two choices: ej to release chemicals to help me sleep better or continue with ab and suffer with one night of no sleep. I chose the latter but I did end up binging porn for a while.

As I watched, I felt more and more uninterested due to the awkwardness the stars were exhibiting and constant looking for camera crew approval. This further reminded me how fake p*rn is and how it is worthless in benefiting me. I moved over to webcam shows but I thought it was boring and 90% of the guys there did not suit my preference. This is when something unusual occurred.

Whilst my body and somewhat my mind were unamused by this erotic content, I still pursued in m*sturbating despite not being er*ct. This seems quite problematic and I believe only abstaining from p*rn might do the trick in restoring both: mental control and my boner.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 21 - The Great Reset

Today marks the 3 weeks since I started AB properly with the support of an accountability partner and trying to update this log as often as I can. It also marks 3 weeks until the end of the year, in which I hope holds more days of resisting the urges of P; to not only increase my chances of a WD but to also rid myself of depending on this filth.

I have emptied out the tanks, as I felt that binging and edging to porn earlier this week felt disingenuous to the goal I set myself.