The 90 days of NeverWDb4

[NeverWDb4]

Day 22 - Wednesday

The past week has been quite calm and chill. I mostly spent the weekends resting and the weekday working. Ironically, I have also had a bit of an upset stomach, similarly like last week Wednesday's log. I haven't felt any different, I reckon this is the flatline experience again. Thinking about P is boring. Looking at P is detrimental and extremely boring. I just focus on my work, which is better and spent time outdoors with my friend when possible for us to hang.

[NeverWDb4]

I had a couple weird dreams which were borderline erotic but they were more weird than hot and steamy. I tried sleeping nude but it just feels extremely uncomfortable in all directions. Furthermore, I have started to let light enter the room in the morning by not fully shutting my blinds down, leaving a little gap at the bottom. This may be my paranoia but it's unsettling the possibility of people below staring at me and my nude body in the morning. I'll attach a picture of my setup below.

[NeverWDb4]

☆

[Scott]

I don't know if you have the option to use a different or additional blind/shade. But I notice some residents' windows here have a translucent blind or shade that lets in light while providing privacy. It's really just a sort of opaque material they use for a window shade. I've seen them for sale in stores. They look really nice actually and I've thought of getting a blind like that.

Even with your current blind in that position, it seems unlikely someone is going to make the effort to look under the blind. If it's on the first floor, they'd probably have to stoop down low to even remotely be able to see.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 0 - Wednesday 18th Oct

It's with regret that I say I lost my AB streak. It really sucks that it happened. I could see progress and I was much happier compared to the sorry state im currently in. Despite this setback, I've made lots of progress and realization behind my motives. Understanding the whole 'horniness' process.

This led to the realization that P has been the core issue at hand. It's became so bad that I have even watched it despite not being naturally horny or being behind in work, thus procrastinating. I also didn't plan on watching it today, like usual AB nature, but I was reading quora on webcamming and questions surrounding it and one thing led to another, and I'm currently in this situation.

I'm currently in a state of unmotivated and disappointment but I must persevere in order to better myself and move onto a life of happiness and no PMO.

NNN is around the corner so I must endure everything and create better tactics on dealing with this mess.

[NeverWDb4]

I'm also experiencing pain after ej so I think this will be a means of karma for this slip-up. I should forgive myself but it's difficult after so many failed attempts to sustain my seed and not ej. I will make up the most of the remaining days on this journey as assessments are upcoming and I shall be incredibly busy.

[Nearlyfifty]

never--

sorry to hear about the reset: i can relate to your feelings, but it sounds like you learned a lot during those few weeks, including the role of P.

sounds like your desire to AB is still there, so don't get discouraged: hopefully day 1 today went well and the pain is lessening

all the best

--nf

[NeverWDb4]

Day 0 - Tuesday 24th October

Today has been another day of constant thoughts of sex and porn. I've been trying to fix my schedule since last week and it has been corrected although the temptation of going back into bed after waking up has been too much. I think mainly the reason I relapsed today was because I have a major assessment coming up soon and therefore unable to leave my room in order to commit to finish it. The last 6 day have been rather good as I had a solid routine of workouting and gaming, things that I can easily distract my mind from PMO.

My next point of action is to make the distinction between my living space and work space. I think I will commit to studying in the library in order to better my sleep pattern and my wandering brain as the library will render watching P socially deviant behaviour especially in public. It will also provide me the lack of distraction and relatable atmosphere where learning and studying is praised upon.

If I successfully achieve the next 60 days, it will be considered an early Christmas miracle but only if my willpower and determination allows it to happen. I've started identifying triggers and as a result, I have blocked and removed all types of P.

Furthermore, I think reading through these notes daily will remind me of the journey I have experienced so far and will motivate me to become a better version of myself.

[NeverWDb4]

Looking back on things, I think I have achieved a lot since I first started November last year. From a guy who mb regularly before he slept, unaware of the damage his brain had from his teenage lifestyle until then. A guy who couldn't get past day 3/4 of NNN and wanted to justify it and not take accountability of things. I think I've managed to withhold longer and process these feelings better than I did 11 months ago. Obviously, I still have a long way to go but it's a better position and situation from then and I look forward to definitely completing NNN for the first time.

[NeverWDb4]

Day 8 of my journey/Day 1 of NNN

This early morning, I had the biggest urge and erection that wouldn't subsided despite being ill with the flu. I tried to fall asleep but I had spent the entire day resting and therefore had plenty of energy to burn. Subsequently, I had terrible sleep and slept from 10am to 4pm, which as a uni student, is perhaps the worst thing you could do as your work suffers especially if you lose that motivation for the day. I've been in bed for most of the day coughing phlegm and recuperating and did some reflection.

1. P is still the root cause of everything. I had completely forgotten about it for an entire week and I would say that my life has improved despite that short period of time away from it.
2. I do not mb for the sake of it but rather as a tool to express my excitement for P. I had that mb isn't innately bad but coupling it with P is the detriment.
3. In terms of degree of core P, I think I am very much soft which is glad to hear as I reckon hard-core P is much harder to curb and change habits and thought process. I would rather watch webcam shows over P website. Regardless, it is still P even if it's on the traditional website as it is erotic and not realistic to attain. You only lust over their appendages but not their personality or their character.
4. Reading inspirational posts are truly motivating and I think I should read more on people's thoughts and experiences as I am not the only one who is suffering from this plague.

Anyway, NNN is gonna be fun with all the support and knowledge I gained in the past year.