introduce myself

[Chris]

hi everyone, I'm new here (though this is my 2nd post) and just thought I might as well formally introduce myself so you have an idea where I'm coming from.

I was extremely ignorant about sex until my mid-teens, and tried to avoid anything to do with it because I thought it was bad. Eventually life caught up to me and I realized that it's only bad if misused. But anyway, I just had wet dreams (about once every week or 2) until sometime last spring when I started masturbating. Coincidentally, this was at a very dark, confusing time of my life and I was also afraid of losing my sexuality (since I noticed I wasn't having any wd's for a few weeks). Even so, I first looked up info on masturbation to see if it was really a sin or not, because until then I had assumed it was (I grew up in a christian home, and intend to stay a real christian now). All the arguments against it made no sense to me and were vague at best, and there was nowhere in the Bible I could see that even implied it was wrong in and of itself. So then I tried it, and it was really awesome, for the first week or two. After that it gradually turned into a mundane habit which often left me feeling confused and vulnerable. Finally, in the past month, I have decided that I want to quit masturbating and get back to wet dreams, for reasons most people here already understand. I know I could keep MBing if I wanted, and I wouldn't really feel bad about it, but I just feel that WD are a better way, and I miss having them.

The strange thing is that I only developed a mild addiction to porn before I started masturbating, but as soon as I started MBing, I stopped even feeling a need for porn. Also, since I believed there was nothing wrong with MB (while porn is definietely wrong by most people's understanding of scripture) I didn't want to deal with porn anymore, and saw MBing as a way out of it, which it kind of was. Also when I first started MBing, I was like "I can't believe I missed out on this all those years when I just had wet dreams once a week when I could've been MBing every day..." But now I'm tired of MBing, and glad I only started recently and didn't waste too many years doing it, because WD's are so much better and they don't bog you down with uncertainty/guilt and waste time. The trick is to retrain your body/brain to stop MBing after it has become such a compulsive habit.

Ever since I started MBing, the longest I've ever gone without doing it was like 4 days. Usually by the 2nd or 3rd day it starts getting intense, and from then on the pressure just keeps building. The last time I ejaculated I didn't really intend to, but I was edging and went to far before I could stop it. :banghead: Even with a hands-off policy, it is just as easy (or easier) to hump the bed, unless I sleep face-up or just try to resist as hard as I can.

So anyway that's my story in a nutshell (no pun intended), at least in regards to MB. It's been almost axactly 24 hrs since my last slip-up, and hopefully I can make it farther than 4 days this time. Every time I fail only strengthens my resolve to try again, to fight harder, and to conquer my own body back to the way it should be.

For wet dreams!!!!!

[rdgann]

Hello Christian Brother.

You sound a lot like me. I used to think MBing wasn't a sin, and techinically there is no scriptural proof to say that it is. However, I realize the addictiveness to MB and God has called us not to let anything be a master over us. So I agree MBing won't get a girl pregnant, cause an STD, but it will become addictive and will take away God's natural method of release which is wet dreams. I am currently on 50 days of abstinence, I did have one slip up at day 31 but other than that I have abstained from it. I have had a few WDs during that time frame. Some more intense than others, but nothing compared to what some guys unload from an ejaculation. I feel so much more better about myself. I feel like a true man, and I have more self confidence in myself. The testosterone buzz I like to call it makes me feel like I can take on the world. When I Mbed, I was kind of a wimp and did not feel like standing up for myself. Now with the extra testosterone energy pent up inside of me, I feel great.

Keep up the good work bro. Read my forum "Abstaining from Masturbation from a wet dream" Reading from other peoples post can give you an idea that the struggle you face in giving up this dirty deed is well known by several other people who are kicking the habit. You will experience withdrawal symptoms such as irregular sleep patterns, but these usually last only the first 10 days. After a while you will sleep normal.

Focus on the benefits of abstinence and wet dreams, not on the fact you are quitting masturbation. Keep up the good work and you will be rewarded for your abstinence.

Peace
'

[focus]

Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your experiences!

Have you had any wet dreams since you started masturbating, or did they stop completely?

[Squeeze!]

Welcome to the forum, Chris! ^_^

Thanks for sharing your story. How long ago was it that you started to masturbate? It's interesting that you have experienced both sides (wet dreams only and MBing) as a young adult, and now want to go back to WDs only, it seems for both moral/spiritual and physical reasons. That is an encouragement to us all that (total) abstinence is best, from someone who can share both sides from recent memory!

I feel for you w/the it's hard not to hump the bed when your are trying to give up the MBing statement! So true. Unfortunately, I don't have any sure-win advice for you, but talking about it (like what you are doing here) and reading others' stories will help. I agree w/your conclusion (and rd and others' here) that while, from a Christian standpoint, masturbation might not in-and-of-itself be a sin, it is undesirable in that it is usually so connected w/lust and (as you discovered) can so easily become addictive. That being said (again from a Christian standpoint) if lust is the "obvious" sin, you can still do that w/out playing w/yourself, as you attest w/your earlier porn usage. I am amazed that you could look at porn and NOT masturbate! But I guess if you hadn't done that yet, that makes sense.

Anyways, bro, I just wanted to welcome you and encourage you and confirm that you will find a lot of help here. Keep on posting! You can help us all, too!

[Chris]

Thanks for the encouragement! One thing that amazes me about this forum is how respectful and intelligent you people are - a refreshing break from forums where people just like to argue for the sake of arguing, or clutter the boards with stupid irrelevant crap. But anyway...

(in response to a few questions):
I started MBing sometime early last spring, so maybe a little over half a year ago. I was 21 then and now I'm 22, if that has any significance. Soon after I started, I felt like I should abstain, just to see what would happen, or to see if I could have a wet dream, but I never had the willpower or enough reason to (now that has changed thankfully). One time I was falling asleep trying not to MB, and I think I almost had a WD but since I was still not fully asleep nothing really happened. This (and possibly one or two other times) have been the only instances of even coming close to a WD during my months of MB.

One thing that I find strange though, it that almost all my WD (in my life) involved animals and not humans (the only exceptions I can remember were peeing/crapping WD's). I can understand that to a degree, but what really disturbs me is that in real life I also find myself more physically attracted to animals than other people/women. I know this probably isn't right or normal, but what am I supposed to do about it? Perhaps it's some weird delayed stage of development? Or will I always be this way? And why do I feel those seemingly distorted desires in the first place? :ph34r:

[8=Ddreamer]

One thing that I find strange though, it that almost all my WD (in my life) involved animals and not humans (the only exceptions I can remember were peeing/crapping WD's). I can understand that to a degree, but what really disturbs me is that in real life I also find myself more physically attracted to animals than other people/women. I know this probably isn't right or normal, but what am I supposed to do about it? Perhaps it's some weird delayed stage of development? Or will I always be this way? And why do I feel those seemingly distorted desires in the first place? :ph34r:

Ok I'm sorry if this offends the christians here, but I think you need to get laid. My theory is that the main reasons some people have assorted problems like incest or beastiality is because they have the sex drive but no release. So the mind tries to find other ways to get that release, making you think in different ways than you would otherwise.

So start watching straight porn again! Enjoy it, and think about how good the vag is!

As a christian, what do you think is the greater sin? Pre-marital sex or beastiality? (Note I'm not catholic, but was raised as one. I understand, but am not confirmed by choice)

[Chris]

Well that has crossed my mind as a possible "solution" but in reality I could never see myself doing that. Also there is a difference between having desires and acting on them - I also doubt that I will ever cross the line (physically) with animals as you suggest, unless something really bad happened to ruin what's left of my faith so I didn't care anymore.

I agree with your theory (that deviation is usually a result of repression) but not with your advice. In some ways I'm kinda glad I'm not that attracted to girls because then I'd have a whole nother set of problems and temptations. But there has to be a better solution than getting laid or looking at porn - that would go against everything I believe in, or the whole reason I came here in the first place. I do agree that fornication is probably not AS bad as bestiality, but neither of them are valid options for me.

I can see myself getting married sometime in the future, but not for a few years at least, until I work out some of my own problems and get a decent job, etc.

[Chris]

I believe there is hope for me to change without resorting to other sins. It is possible to change the way you think or see things, and that's what I see as the best/only solution to this problem. I also believe God can help me with this, along with my family in Christ. I am not too worried about it now, but it is a challenge, and it's best to stay positive too.

8=Ddreamer, I understand you're trying to help, and if I wasn't a christian that might be what I would do, although in that case I wouldn't care about my "orientation" being wrong anyway and therefore probably wouldn't even bother. But it seems nonsensical to fight one problem with another kind of sin, the same way I don't turn to drugs/alcohol for escape from stress - I just pray or talk about it instead, and try to find a better solution. God wouldn't give us rules and then tell us to break them, even if some are more important than others. I appreciate your feedback, but I cannot agree with it.

In other news, my abstain has been going well so far (no edging or touching). I always get big boners in the morning or at night, but as long as I don't play with them it's alright. I haven't been too concerned about sex either, and that helps (both physically and with self-esteem/focus). Also, I have been excercising more, and esp working out a lot harder than I used to, and every day too. I think ever since I started MBing, my excercise went downhill, along with general energy levels and self-esteem. Now that is coming back again, which is a huge blessing. It seems that every time I fast from anything that's become a habit for me, I get huge breakthroughs in my life, and my everyday health and energy goes way up from before.

I'll be back with any updates when I have time, but in the meantime feel free to share your opinions and advice, etc.

[rdgann]

Keep up the good work Chris. Hey man, I encourage you to continue to abstain. I currently have abstained for over 53 days, even though I did have one slip up on day 31. I used to think stopping masturbation was impossible and that it was too ingrained of a habit to give up. I know that in my own strength there is no way I could have made it. I know it had to be through Christ who gives me strength that I am where I am today. The temptation is still there to masturbate, but I decided to take the energy from abstinence and use it in more productive ways. I usually wake up every morning with great powerful feel good erections. I try not to touch them, because that would cause me to want to masturbate all that pent up energy away. If I have a nocturnal emission or even an SE that would be great.

I embrace sex drive and I am not ashamed of it. It is a wonderful gift from God. Although along with that great gift comes tremendous responsiblity. We have to bring our sex drive under the submission of Christ, and not allow our sexual urges to get out of control. Praise God we have the Fruit of the Spirit which is

Gal 5:16 I say, then, Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.
Gal 5:17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh. And these are contrary to one another; lest whatever you may will, these things you do.
Gal 5:18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
Gal 5:19 Now the works of the flesh are clearly revealed, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lustfulness,
Gal 5:20 idolatry, sorcery, hatreds, fightings, jealousies, angers, rivalries, divisions, heresies,
Gal 5:21 envyings, murders, drunkennesses, revelings, and things like these; of which I tell you before, as I also said before, that they who do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith,
Gal 5:23 meekness, SELF CONTROL; against such things there is no law.
Gal 5:24 But those belonging to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts[B]

SELF CONTROL IS A FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT. So when weak just ask God for strength to help you abstain from MB. Well best wishes too you. I am here if you need me Chris. I know the kind of fight it takes to take your purity to a new level. It is hard and it takes sacrifice, but the rewards sure are worth it.

In Christ,
Daniel

[Squeeze!]

Hey, Chris.

I have been following your thread here but didn't want to say something until I felt like I had something to say. I was just thinking about your dreams, and as you probably know, what you dream about is mostly the dept. of your subconscious, which you have little control over, and it is very common to have erotic/wet dreams about things that would wierd you out in normal life or are morally wrong, or even things that aren't expressly sexual (like taking a dump, as you said), so don't feel "wierd" for having bizzare dreams! You can read here of people talking about having all kinds of wierd sexual dreams! And that is normal, but I realize that they can also be disturbing and cause one to question the nature of one's own sexuality.

As far as your "waking" thoughts about animals or anything else that you have an inner conflict about, I was thinking about a friend of mine who has mild OCD. I don't know too much about OCD, because I always think it involves people having nervous habits or like this homeless guy I used to be friends with who couldn't leave a certain geographic area or he would flip out (one of the reasons he was homeless...). But for this friend, the way it manifests is that he worries a lot about things, but he also gets wierd thoughts, sexual ones, that he doesn't want, and that are hard for him to shake off. He is not gay or into children, but he gets these random thoughts about such things and the way his therapist has told him to deal w/them is to think about the situation logically. He is a Christian, too, and sure, he knows such things are wrong, but he also tells himself that they are not natural, they don't make sense when you think about how we are physically built, etc.

I'm not saying you have OCD! But I thought of this example and thought that that method of prayer and reminding yourself of God's ways combined w/the "logical" side of it all, might help. For example, to do someting sexual w/an animal doesn't make sense from a reproductive angle, plus it would be abusive to the animal since they have no choice in the matter, and they are built phyically for the opposite sex of their own species, so you wouldn't be a good "fit" anyway, and could cause great physical harm to them. I'm not trying to gross anyone out, but these are some things that you could remind yourself of when your mind starts to go there; you can probably think of more. But for *why* your mind goes there, I don't know and don't want to assume anything. You might want to talk to a professional councilor about them.

One thing to keep in mind though, tacking on to the "fruit of the Spirit... is self-control" reminder above, is to remember not only does God enable you to control your own fleshly desires by His Spirit within you, but also that you have not only your "flesh" to deal with, but a real spiritual adversary, as well. He will try to trip you up any way he can, whether by tempting you to sin or just making you feel shameful/unworthy about yourself for having these thoughts so you will feel unable to approach God or want to turn to some vice to make you feel better temporarily (but worse later). I am so glad that you said that you don't turn to drugs, alcohol, etc. to deal with (or escape from) your stress and problems, so you already know what's up. Anyway, just remember to fight this in prayer, and don't believe any of the lies the Enemy will toss out to you about who you are inside.

Keep up the good fight, and I applaud your efforts! :hurray:

[Ryan]

One thing that I find strange though, it that almost all my WD (in my life) involved animals and not humans ...in real life I also find myself more physically attracted to animals than other people/women. I know this probably isn't right or normal, but what am I supposed to do about it?

Hi Chris,

Thanks for sharing your situation.

Your situation is primal: kind of like Adam's before God created Eve. So what do you do? Name the animals. Notice how they pair off in nature, each with their own kind. It is natural to have strong feelings for animals -- observe how people feel when their pets die! Your wet dreams put a twist on that very common feeling of attachment. My suggestion is, in waking life, move the energy from your prostate to your heart and find a way to express your heart-connection to animals. Then, in the right time, you too will find a mate of your own kind.

Ryan

[Chris]

I guess I'll give an update on that situation since you brought it up. After I mentioned it here, and talked with someone I know about it a little, I kept getting a sense that I shouldn't cut those feelings off from myself, or divorce my own sexuality just because it seems unnatural in some ways - that would only make things much worse. Instead I have come to accept it in certain ways, but not to let it control or bother me. Also since I did that, those feelings seemed to dry up or lose a lot of their power - a power which was probably produced by the guilt associated with it. I'm certainly not completely out of that "phase" or whatever it is, but it seems to be diminishing on its own, after being ackowledged for what it is. Also I noticed that I am very capable of being attracted to girls, if they are the right kind or I get to know them better. So I am feeling a lot better about that situation, and better about myself, and I think I am heading in the right direction... :hurray:

[Ryan]

...I have come to accept it in certain ways, but not to let it control or bother me. Also since I did that, those feelings seemed to dry up or lose a lot of their power - a power which was probably produced by the guilt associated with it.... am very capable of being attracted to girls, if they are the right kind or I get to know them better. So I am feeling a lot better 

Wonderful insight. Congrats. Sounds very healthy indeed.

[Texanguy]

It sounds like you are making progress. If it still troubles you a great deal, you could always seek some psychological counseling.