LuvsCurvy's Log

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 16 closing after a relatively uneventful 24 hours. I initially thought it was going to be tough getting to sleep last night with the horniness still there, but all I did was just ignore it. If I lie in bed and think about it (this is how I was pre AB) I would just get all worked up and have to deal with it. Last night, i ignored it and before I knew it, I was drifting off to sleep.

I managed a little bit of kiss and cuddle with wifey tonight, which was a blast. A little bit of pre cum of course. She always has that effect on me. But again, after kissing her goodnight (which normally would have been a precursor to MB) I came down to the lounge and started working on something else instead.

Superman was kind of back today too. Feeling a bit less anxious about things, and at the gym after work I absolutely punished myself with a killer workout. Love being at the gym, looking around at all the other guys there and thinking how they all probably masturbated at least 10 times since my last orgasm.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, wdreamer and CalAsianGuy. You know, when I came a few years ago (and started this log then failed soon after) I actually thought a lot about that brief attempt at AB a lot after that. I tried to rationalise how, the fact that I failed didn't make me a MB addict, and that I could quit anytime I wanted, but I just didn't want to. To help me rationalise my failure, I would always tell myself what 'freaks' some of the others here were for being able to go a week or more without MB. I never thought I'd actually be one! Oh, and they are not freaks at all. I've spent a fair bit of time in the chat room and there are so many really nice people here. Everyone is so supportive and we all seem to think the same.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 17 all done and dusted. I wish the PMO counter could have its time changed, as it says the last time I PMO'd was actually about 9 hours later than it was. It doesn't matter a huge amount, but I'm picky like that.

I got home from work today and was just really tired. No real desire to do a whole lot. Urges all day were fine too, apart from in the morning until about 9am. After that, I just didn't notice them.

I've started a journal at yourbrainrebalanced.com, but that is more about the positive effects my AB is having on my relationship with my wife, which is really the primary reason I'm doing this. This journal is more about the physical aspects of AB, physiological effects etc. There will be some overlap in terms of what I talk about, but I'm also trying to keep the content I post here more relevant to those looking to AB for the purpose of having a WD.

And hey... in 3 days time, I get to 20 days. Where has the time gone?? I've been too busy living my life to notice.

[Eleazar]

U r doing good, LC. Keep it up.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 18 out of the way. Things are really simple at the moment. My urges are just not there. I am also feeling really tired a lot in the evenings, which is helping to make it even easier. Not even getting morning erections. I kind of wonder if I am not going through what YBOP calls 'flatlining'.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 19 all wrapped up now. Went to an outdoor event and saw lots of attractive women walking around. Normally, I'd have been tempted to try and snap a couple of discreet photos of them but today I realised that, if I do that, they will just end up joining my porn collection hahahaha. So I just watched and admired, whilst reminding myself as I did "Remember... it might look nice now, but it ends as soon as she gets out of your sight, remember??" and it did.

Again as I write, I'm lying down exhausted. Really kinda over this phase I'm going through. I've noticed that, after I finish eating, I have a window of about 10-15 minutes before fatigue hits me and it can take hours before it lifts. I think it's some bad eating habits I've adopted coming back to bite me, so as of now I'm going to try eating more frequent snacks, drinking more, and refraining from eating sugar. One thing's for sure, it makes AB easier when you're really tired in the evenings. Tomorrow I hit a milestone of 20 days, the following day it's another milestone of 3 weeks. Then another week later, at 28 days it's the 4-week mark, followed by 30 days, then 31 days. So a few milestones coming up over the next little while. But, with celebrations every 10 days as well as every week, you get milestones all the time really.

Right. Time to head to the chatroom before I go to bed.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 20 and things still very easy. I was at the gym today (I go to a unisex gym) and saw a curvy (weakness of mine) woman with a very nice full arse (weakness of mine) wearing black tights (weakness of mine). Decided I'd use her to my advantage and I was just finishing my weight routine. I went to one of the treadmills that was behind her and enjoyed what I could see very very much. Was really nice thinking that I wouldn't have to masturbate over her when I got home, but instead just soaking it all up while it lasted. As I have come to realise I have the willpower to AB, I seem to be able to enjoy these kinds of sights more and more without getting at all frustrated by them. I did start to get a little hard at one point, and considered the notion that, in some people's eyes, it might be considered breaking a run of AB from porn. It's not by my reckoning. All I was doing was using my new found horniness to appreciate without frustration.

3 weeks tomorrow, but for now at least, I'll just smile at the achievement of 20 days.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 21 - 3 weeks exactly. Yay.

I think I may have established what's up with my fatigue, since it's been much better today. Basically, I wasn't eating often enough, and so was going hungry between meals. I was also eating a lot of sugar, so my blood sugar levels were probably all over the place. I've solved it by cutting back my sugar intake hugely, as well as eating a semi-respectable amount of something every 2 hours, rather than 3 times a day and feeling 'guilty' for snacking in between.

Since about lunch time today, things have been feeling a LOT better. The only trouble is, I'm now getting horny. I guess I had a good run of it for the first few weeks of my AB and I should be thankful I did, but it I want to be healthy, then I have to accept I'm going to be horny haha

No strong urges or anything today though. At least, not anything I couldn't control. I'll admit though, I got a bit horny when I was describing some of my attempts at autofellatio earlier!

[LuvsCurvy]

Three quarters of the way to my goal. Getting closer and closer every day. What I am finding is that, even though I am married, I feel like being a total ratbag and hitting on anyone who takes my fancy. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not. It certainly helps me at home with the wife - still doesn't get me laid though. But it certainly gives me a really big alpha male boost. Kinda like a "I don't 'need' you because I am hot anyway" kinda thing.

I do really wish I didn't have to do this, and my marriage was like other marriages where the couples actually had sex rather than the husband waiting around indefinitely. But as I think I have said before, there are some big milestones for us at around the 90 day mark so those are what I have to focus on.

I think I really need to try and reduce the amount I am checking this website. It is becoming an obsession and in some regards, has taken the place of porn. So don't be surprise to see less frequent updates from me for a while.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 25 and having a serious rethink about the 90-day goal, or even AB beyond 31 days at the moment. Over the last few days, I've been finding myself more and more disillusioned about the whole thing. I'm 34 and I've never had a wet dream before in my life. Not even before I started MB at age 13, when I was more than capable of ejaculating full loads. I'm beginning to wonder if it will happen, or if I'm one of those people who has just left it too late to let my body figure out how to do it.

Also, a lot of people who enter into 'nofap' are single and find that the additional urges help them 'go after' women more. That, for me, I'm not so sure is a good thing. I'm married and currently in a sexless marriage at that. We are working on things slowly and making progress, but it's taking longer than I would have liked. I had thought that ABing from porn and MB was somehow going to be a way of making me feel better about all that - AB by my own choice, rather than AB from sex by forced decision, but frankly I'm beginning to find it a bit boring, and also, I'm not sure what useful value the 'go after women' factor has on a married guy.

I had hoped it was going to help things with my wife. Maybe it has, I don't know, and I won't know until I try the alternative. The 'superman' I felt at around day 12 may just have been due to me being comfortable with the mindset I was in, and also, proud of myself for lasting so long with ABing. That's all gone now and I feel exactly like I did when I was a habitual MBer, only, in need of some real sexual pleasure.

If I do decide to quit ABing after 31 days, I still think I'll be limiting my MB. But I think that, while I'm in a marriage with no sex and quite likely incapable of having WDs, forcing myself to an eternity of no orgasm is just a recipe for disaster. What I have shown myself is just how long I can go without, so when the sex eventually comes back into our marriage, that may well be the time for me to revisit total AB from MB.

I'm writing this down now and not acting on it by breaking my run of AB. I've still got a week to go to hit my goal, and this may just be a phase I'm going through. In the event that it is, I at least won't be ruining anything.

[LuvsCurvy]

Coming to the end of day 29 here. Nothing to report physiologically speaking. Just the normal urges, nothing too strong that I can't manage.

I've had a few days to reflect on my last post and at the moment am still favouring stopping AB after I reach my goal. It won't be my 'reward' as such, but once I hit my goal, when I next get the urge I will allow myself to MB. I've finished reading No More Mr Nice Guy and there's a good section in there that talks about 'healthy masturbation'. It's probably been discussed here already. It just means MB without any porn or fantasies, but instead, just soaking up the pleasure, taking it all in and feeling your sexuality and masculinity for what it is, rather than disassociating yourself from reality while you do it. The direction I'm favouring at the moment is to try that for a few weeks. If I did, I'd limit myself to a fixed number of times per week, and would insist that I am gentle on myself, and obviously would ban porn and fantasy. A lot of guys on the NMMNG forum report trying it and not being able to O initially, until their brain gets used to sex in the now.

The book talks about the beauty of that technique, and how it can effectively take away 'the need for your partner to fulfil your sexual urges' in sexless relationships while they are rebuilding. I really feel that, at this point in my life at least, that is probably a smarter option than ABing indefinitely and waiting for a WD that may well never actually come. Day 29 today, and I don't have to decide anything until I've at least achieved my goal (to not MB to orgasm once in the whole calendar month of January) so there's at least 3 days left for me to make my mind up, and that's if I don't decide to push my AB further because I don't have the urge etc.

[LuvsCurvy]

Tomorrow I will have achieved my goal of going a full calendar month without ejaculating once. I'm surprised at how easy it has been, although it has been helped by having a sore on my penis during the worst period of it. This morning I woke up with a nice hardon. Went back to sleep and woke up and it was still there. I was lying on my front - funny that.

I also had a poo this morning and, after I had finished, noticed what I thought was precum on my head as it was sticky. Once I realised it was thicker, i looked closer. It was then that I saw a fair amount of semen dribbling down the front of the toilet bowl. I noticed the colour was yellowish - like the colour of my first ever load when I started masturbating.

I'm beginning to think I might push this one out a bit further and see what happens at nights/mornings. I've made some wicked progress on myself as far as relationship stuff goes and my mind is so much clearer than it has been for a long time. I'm thinking that must help me in the WD department a little too, since they are so much a mental thing.

So I highly doubt I'll be stopping at 'one full calendar month' after all. I'm not sure how much longer I'll go on, but I'll be carrying on nonetheless.

[wdreamer]

Congrats on meeting your MB free month goal!

Tomorrow will be one month for me too, a record since I started keeping track!

Going for another few weeks to see if I can finally start WDing. Seem like from reading a lot of posts here & elsewhere,
WD's are more likely after 5-6 weeks for those who don't start getting them soon after they stop MBing.

Good luck!

[maverick]

YOUR AUTOMATIC COUNTER ADDRESS DOES NOT WORK, COULD YOU GIVE THE FULL INTERNET COORDINATE OR FIX THE CLICK THAT DOES NOT WORK.

THANKS

[LuvsCurvy]

Well it's game over after 33 days. Decided last night I would try some healthy masturbation and end my current streak of AB. Was the first time in my life I had ever MBd that way, and boy did it feel great. I was relaxed, guilt-free, shame-free, porn free and fantasy free. Just me enjoying the beautiful sensations I get from pleasuring myself.

When I did orgasm, i did some prostate massage as well. The load was obviously the biggest I have ever ejaculated and kept spurting well after my earlier orgasms used to. What was really nice was just how gentle I could be and still progress my arousal.

So what does this mean for the future of my ABing? Not sure. I am still figuring it out. But I don't think it has to be black and white (either MBing unhealthily to porn all the time or ABing from everything). Today there is no letdown nor feeling of physical emptiness in my balls. I also had a sex dream for the first time in ages and woke up with a hardon. Maybe this will kickstart my body into WD mode?

Right now I am thinking healthy MB once every fortnight or so might be the thing to try. Just not sure yet.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 2 and I have decided I will only post updates as events occur. Last night I kept waking to find my foreskin back behind the head, meaning I had been having nocturnal erections again. What is interesting is that, when I start to get hard, I feel the same sense of fullness as I did before I MBd. I am hoping that one MB session after 33 days of AB isn't enough to provoke a full reset.

[LuvsCurvy]

Been having a few healthy masturbation sessions lately. For those that haven't heard of this term, 'healthy masturbation' is a term used in the book 'No More Mr Nice Guy!' and describes the act of masturbating without requiring fantasy, porn, or any other external source. All that stuff does is takes you outside yourself and provides you with a form of escapism. Healthy masturbation is about simply taking in the sensations, appreciating your masculinity/femininity and pleasuring yourself with no end-goal in mind.

Of course, it's easy to become hooked on that, and I've had a few sessions already. After 33 days, I broke my AB with a session, had another just two days later, and another 5 days after that. I'm going through a period of pretty intense self-change right now, and so I'm not going to let these get to me. But I am making a rule that, for the whole of 2013, I am allowed no more than 30 sessions of MB, or 2.5 per month on average. So far, I've had 3.

30 sessions is the maximum I'm allowed, but there's no reason I can't make it less. 24 is quite an appealing target - two per month on average. Or 26, one per fortnight. 13 is one per 4 weeks, and 12 of course is one per month.

Call it impulsive, but I'm going to shoot for 28 days starting from today. Too much MB in close succession. Don't wanna get used to that. I've done 33 days. Guess I'd better get myself a PMO counter set up.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 7

Enjoying a nice healthy T-buzz for the last couple of days

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 10. Things going about as exciting as AB is. Having said that, watching hot women in summer dresses when you are t-buzz horny is just exquisitely pleasant.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 11 today and had the craziest thing happen. Was sitting on the toilet this morning, straining a little, and felt what initially seemed like a little bit of pee forming. Relaxed the muscles and what came out was not pee at all. I thought to myself "that feels rather familiar, but it's not pee". Looked on the side of the bowl, and there was cum dribbling down. By that stage, I had gotten semi hard, so I decided to lift my penis up onto the seat and try pushing again. The same thing happened - quite a nice amount of cum came spewing out.

Felt so strange releasing and seeing semen after not having an orgasm. I had to gather it up and take a photo (as only readers of this site will understand) so here it is.

[focus]

It's happened to me before. It's not uncommon when abstaining. Just means your tanks are full. You probably haven't noticed, but you are probably getting a bit of semen mixing in with your pee. I notice this after 10 days of not cumming. It's like clockwork every time I abstain. I guess my body can hold 10 days worth of semen but not more. I just wish my body would release the excess in WDs rather than just passing it when I pee which isn't as fun as a a WD (although there's nothing to clean up after).

[LuvsCurvy]

Had another one of these this morning. Between yesterday and today, I reckon it's probably close to a full load that was ejected from my overfull tanks. I got a photo of today's as well, but it's probably more appropriate to post on the AMP forum than in here.

[AGT]

I got a photo of today's as well, but it's probably more appropriate to post on the AMP forum than in here.

Can't see it in the AMP forum.

[LuvsCurvy]

Added it after I read your post.

...And I just had the same thing happen to me, admittedly, with a bit less semen this time. That's 3 times in 2 days. Hope it doesn't affect my horniness. I'm loving the t-buzz right now. Day 12 seems to be 'superman' day for me.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 16 here. Nothing exciting to report. Been trying to.. err.. control myself in the toilet to avoid straining and therefore, leaking my precious load out. It has been successful as I have only lost very minor amounts.

My goal says 28 days, and that is still my aim. However, it's reasonably likely that I will stay on the AB wagon for a lot longer than that. Right now, I just have no desire to MB. That could be because I've had a cold recently and am very much still recovering. It could also be that, as I am really beginning to understand myself a lot better and deal with my deep-seated issues, I'm no longer feeling the need to MB out of pity, anxiety, stress or otherwise.

Although it's not my aim, I really would like to experience a WD. if nothing else, I'd at least like to have the pre-cum and/or random erections others on here talk about. I feel like I've missed out on some of that through having sores that are healing/illnesses etc. If I start getting that kind of stuff, that will be a much surer sign that my body is at least considering having a WD.

I won't hold my breath, and I won't be disappointed if not... but a WD would be nice if I'm going to push beyond 33 days.

[LuvsCurvy]

I failed at the end of day 20. Realised there have been a few things making me stressed lately, and my senses have been gradually numbed to it. I had been spending a lot of time in porn and chat rooms over the last week, and I am really playing with fire trying to do that and AB. What blew it was me listening to Isabella Valentine trying to get a hands free orgasm. I couldnt do it but i was so worked up i had to finish off by hand at the end. Took all of about 5-10 seconds to blow.

Decided that since I had blown my AB I may as well empty the tanks and start over. The first and second times were nice but the third gave me awful blue balls afterward and a horrible let down feeling.

The last one was me just doing it for the sake of it and not because I was horny. I wonder if the let down only comes from habitual mb sessions, and whether being truly horny helps to avoid it?

Need to spend the next couple of days figuring out my AB plan and goals now. I don't blame porn for this one. It happened because my mind had been unsettled this week and I had been thinking a lot about sex. Porn was just the murder weapon. I had already decided I was going to harm someone.

[briefguy1976]

Day 11 today and had the craziest thing happen. Was sitting on the toilet this morning, straining a little, and felt what initially seemed like a little bit of pee forming. Relaxed the muscles and what came out was not pee at all. I thought to myself "that feels rather familiar, but it's not pee". Looked on the side of the bowl, and there was cum dribbling down. By that stage, I had gotten semi hard, so I decided to lift my penis up onto the seat and try pushing again. The same thing happened - quite a nice amount of cum came spewing out.

Felt so strange releasing and seeing semen after not having an orgasm. I had to gather it up and take a photo (as only readers of this site will understand) so here it is.

This has happened to me now three times since I started AB. Kind of cool, but I think it's seminal fluid, not semen per se. Still kind of awesome to see it come out--about a teaspoon in my case--and the feeling is... interesting. I appreciate the pic.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 5 today. Finally managed to get myself back into the right frame of mind to begin ABing again over the weekend, and am loving the results already (reduced anxiety, much more at ease in myself). I really think that, for what I'm trying to do in improving myself at the moment, ABing really needs to be a way of life for the next few months at least. Sure, the odd session of MB is ok. Once every few weeks doesn't seem to be enough to give me a let down. From what I can tell, if I feel a let down, it means I've gone too far and will get all the other negative symptoms that come with that (more anxious, lower self esteem etc). If I just do a small amount of it, no let down, then I stay up on the ABing plateau.

[Maximus]

Hey LC. Glad to see you keep a balanced view and see the positive impacts of AB other than just getting wds. Things are going well on your side! Keep it up!

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 9 and I'm back to spewing seminal fluid when taking a dump lol. It's something about going beyond that 1-week mark that seems to fill me up enough to be stimulated by whatever passes my prostate.

Still enjoying a general reduction in overall anxiety levels. I'm really confused by that, the more I think about it. Why should ABing reduce my overall anxiety? Maybe that's a little research project...

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 10 all but complete. Really need to sort out some of the crap in my head at the moment. While not cumming, I've been doing some really naughty stuff. I know ABing keeps my anxiety levels low, but it's certainly volatile when you ever get stressed or wound up about particular things. Have to keep telling myself, avoid MBing to feel bad (pity wanks, as I call them).

Hoping that, by being accountable on here, I might feel more of a sense to be disciplined about it. I'm ABing to help me become a better person, not to channel my PMO naughtiness into other avenues.