LuvsCurvy's Log

[LuvsCurvy]

Hi guys

First time poster, long time reader here. I'm a 32 year-old married guy who is looking to try and kick the MB habit that for me is just getting all too frequent. My personal record in the last few years at least is 3 days. I've equalled it a few times, but even that is a challenge to tell the truth. I realise that it's miles away from many of the records people post on here, but I have to start somewhere, and at least it means improving is going to be easy!

My goal is going to be to get to 21 days without MB. I'm not expecting to get any WDs during this time, but I wanted a current forum where I could post updates, so I thought this would be a good place to start. Whether I do 21 days cold turkey or gradually ease myself into it, I'm not quite sure. I could do 3 days, 5 days, 7 days etc (or maybe with more days in between) but the problem with that is that once you break the drought, you have to start again. At 14 days of no MB, you'd only have another 7 days to hit the 21 mark, but if you decided to break it up, you'd be starting at day 0 again.

The rules are pretty simple about what is and is not permitted. No MB. Sex is allowed. Day 0 for me was actually meant to be tuesday, but my wife sucked me off on tuesday night and the image of that was with me all day on wednesday which just made it impossible to carry on. I'm gonna have to develop strategies for dealing with those kinds of images.

The thing is, I've become the habitual MBer that I am because our sex life has been non-existent of late, so I can't ban myself from having sex just to make it easier to get to 21 days right when things are starting to pick up.

Just wondered, are there any other guys here who live with their woman? How do you cope with not MBing when you are constantly living with someone who drives you wild?

Thanks
LuvsCurvy (Loves Curvy Women, in case anyone was wondering)

[LuvsCurvy]

So I've decided on a plan. To go as long as I can without MBing. The medium term aim is to hit 21 days, but I'd like that to be 21 days without orgasm, not just without MB. Since there's a chance I could get something snug from the wife, this might take me a little longer than 21 days. It's quite a clever situation to be in, though. In a way, it's almost in my best interests NOT to have sex, as doing so will mean i have to start again. I still get the record of not having MB'd on a given day, but I'll lose my orgasm-free status.

Today's an interesting day because the next 4 days are all full of milestones for me:

Assuming I keep ABing:
Tomorrow, I will equal my record from the last couple of years
The next day, I will beat it
The day after that, I will equal my record from the last ten years
The next day, I will beat it

[LuvsCurvy]

Well that went well (not). I got to day 2 of AB and was doing well all day. Got to night time when I was alone with my computer... All downhill from there unfortunately. I am kinda trying to understand my drive and what makes me horny/not. After jacking myself off many times, I can still be horny. Yet, other days I might see sights that are very nice but just don't push my buttons. If only I could capture that frame of mind better.

Anyway, back to day 0 again.

[LuvsCurvy]

Things going a bit better here now. It is Saturday morning and the last time I orgasmed was Tuesday night. If I get to Sunday evening without doing it, I will equal my long term record.

Occasionally experiencing a 'full' feeling which is quite foreign to me. Let's see how today goes.

The trick seems to be to stay away from anything sexual, thought or graphically speaking. I can control that and could go on forever but what will get me is some unexpected comment someone else passes, either in real life or on a movie or TV that sends my imagination wild.

[LuvsCurvy]

Bumping an old thread as I start again here. Day 0 for me was friday. I'm really tired at the moment and kinda don't have the urge to do anything. So I thought I'd use that as a springboard to get this AB game underway again. I don't really have an aim or a goal. Let's just see how this goes.

[LuvsCurvy]

Tuesday here and day 4. This is about the easiest stretch of no MB I have ever done. It is being made so much easier because of how tired I am. It is the end of what has been a really trying year for me and so I am so tired I am sometimes feeling a tad nauseous. Under such circumstances, even seeing a really hot woman just makes you go "oh ok" and has no effect on my desire. Here's hoping things stay this easy.

[LuvsCurvy]

Nothing interesting to report today. Urges pretty minimal and easy to shelve if I can feel them coming on.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 1 again. I tried Isabella valentine's jackpot last night. It didn't work but I was far too worked up to just ignore it. Let's see how long I can make it this time.

My actual urges, whilst definitely coming back during the day, were not even particularly high when I was masturbating. I just did it because I was expecting to have an O through Isabella and didn't get it, so felt a bit short-changed. The trick now will be to try and get my mind back to the state it was in before. Still really tired (end of the year) so I am hoping I should be able to make it another reasonable spell. For the record, I made it 6 days.

[gone2bed2day]

Hang in there! Day 6 is twice as good as only 3 days!!!

I'm married as well. It's always is a mystery when I'll get some.

A few things: (I'm currently at my record of 18 days)
-stay busy/distracted
-learn your triggers (computer, certain people, etc)
-learn when you tend to get horny (nightly before bed, weekends when you relax, etc)

Try not to edge. If you do, blue balls might be painful.

Best of luck!

[LuvsCurvy]

Wow, I was stoked to get a reply on this thread, thanks

I'm not taking this whole AB thing particularly seriously, and to be honest, I'm more focussed on reducing the amount I am MB rather than streaks of consecutive days. That said, I'm also using that as a little challenge. In past attempts, I've been almost a little down after starting again at zero. That's not the case so much at the moment, and it's because of my underlying aim I think.

I've had a bit of tenderness and pain around my circ scar for a while, which I am pretty sure has come from too much MB on my overly sensitive skin, as a result of my restoration. The only way to heal it is to leave it alone. I've tried using different MB methods, but ultimately the 'anaesthetic' affect of being really worked up does me no favours, and I end up getting nowhere. So it's best to take a 'hands off' approach I think. Hence my current aim to reduce the amount of MB. I'm just making the most of my current tiredness and general lack of desire for most things sexual and having a go at consecutive days.

That's some good advice you gave. One of my triggers is stress. MB was an 'out' and also even an indirect form of either subconsciously destroying my self-esteem at times when I already felt bad about myself, or a way of trying to escape those feelings. I think because my marriage has been going really well lately, that has become much less of a factor. Earlier this year, things were in no such state.

I'm in the southern hemisphere so summer is hitting us. While there are triggers all around me, I'm also finding it a lot easier to just look and marvel, without it giving me the urge to MB. This isn't something I expect to be so easy once I begin to recharge over christmas, but is something I am taking advantage of while I can.

What I will say is, I have now learnt that, if I commit to listening to an Isabella Valentine recording, I'm resigning myself to breaking my abstinence either way, whether I get a no-hands orgasm or not. If I don't, I will end up doing it by hand. Last night was an experiment to see whether I could cum without touching myself, hence giving me a gentler way to get off. It was a useful experiment, and I have learnt from it.

Porn is out completely. The only reason I watch it is to get aroused for MB. If I'm not MBing, there's no point. Likewise with edging - I'd only edge when I'm committed to completing within a good half hour or so, and never to just stop.

In some ways, I kind of feel like my masturbation was heavily tied in with low self esteem. Maybe being tired is a big part, but also, maybe now I have worked through some of those issues and feel better about who I am, I am losing the need to masturbate as a form of self-destructive behaviour.

[LuvsCurvy]

Update, Day 4

So my AB has been going pretty well since my last MB experience, and along the way my ambitions are increasing gradually. To begin with, I was only looking to reduce my MB, but now I'm thinking I might have a go at quitting and aiming for a WD instead.

There are a few reasons why I'm now aiming for this. I'll attempt to explain them in no particular order.

In my relationship, I don't know when sex is coming. It's been a very rocky road this year for us, and while things are very much on track, my wife still hasn't got her interest in physical stuff back yet. The more I pressure her, the worse it gets, so I'd like to give her the space to figure it out on her own like she has asked. When you're in a relationship and not getting sex, porn just reminds you of what you don't have yet it seems everyone else does. Net result: I feel like shit when i MB to porn. So to avoid the need to MB takes that away and allows me to actually embrace the 'break' we are on. This gives me control over my sex life as it's AB by my own choice, rather than being forced to tragically MB.

Secondly, I have some abrasions on my shaft that weren't going away in a hurry when I was MB, so I need to let those heal. When my wife understands her physical desires better and starts wanting physical again, I'd rather a) I enjoyed it with no pain and b) she didn't have this unusually marked dick in place of the one I used to have

Thirdly, and this one has taken me a while to figure out. In earlier posts I've talked about values and how important they are to my ability to love and respect myself. By philosophy, I'm not a person who enjoys being over-stimulated. I can't stand most commercial radio stations because they just throw information at you non stop; I dislike energy drinks because I get too wired; I don't really like being in extremely busy places with lots of people, or being incredibly busy satisfying the needs of lots of people; I don't like Caffeine; am not into extreme sports or anything with a huge adrenaline rush, and my ultimate place to be is somewhere peaceful. So why then was I obsessed with masturbation to the extent I was? In some cases, I would spend 2,3,4 hours at a time surfing for porn, chatting in adult chat rooms and MB at the same time. Admittedly that was some time ago, but the point still stands... why would someone who clearly is predisposed to less stimulation do that? It can't have been good for my mental or physical health. This is a value of mine (enjoying things that calm me) and it is clearly violated by MB, at least, by MB the way I was doing it. I've read a lot of people talking about 'rebooting' their brain by AB, and I think this is what I could greatly benefit from. I remember when I was in high school, I had a crush on a girl and, for some reason, I decided she wouldn't approve if she knew I was MB so I just stopped and that lasted for about 3 months. I don't remember it being that difficult, because the thought that she wouldn't approve was a key value I was living by. I don't remember any urges (nor any WDs) though, so that's not really a fair comparison.

Forth, I've always felt that sex is natural, and MB is not. I know it is natural, but a man-made orgasm just isn't on the same page as one created through lovemaking. I am loathed to to use the term 'self-abuse' because of it's dated and religious connotations, but that's really the only way I can describe how I feel about MB in contrast to sex. WDs are natural, so if I'm not getting sex, at least I am putting myself back on track for a purely 'natural' sex life again.

Finally, I have been getting really bored with MB over the past few months and am looking for something new and exciting. I really like the idea that I'm putting my body into a state it hasn't been in for well over 20 years, and the exciting unknowns that will accompany it. I read about guys who experience the T-buzz, have pre-cum when urinating, wake up in the night with raging hardons, and of course, those who are lucky enough to have WDs and it's so exciting.


The thing I think I have been missing in past attempts is that, the stronger horniness you get when ABing should actually be seen as something to enjoy, not something to dislike and avoid. I used to come to this site and read people's comments, and of course, I would get horny from doing so. That often gave me an excuse to MB. But in fact, the horniness from coming here should not be seen as a bad thing. It's something I need to learn to enjoy for what it is, but to return to my life once I'm done visiting.

As an aside, today I biked to work (I do that a lot) and on the way there I absolutely destroyed my previous personal best time. Was helped by the fact I had a little bit of a tail wind for some of it, but I've had stronger winds and gone much slower.

So I guess I am now officially another serious ABer. Let's see how it goes. At least I only came once at my last MB session after 6 days, so I feel like I'm at a head start over previous attempts when I'm going into AB after weeks of daily MB.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 5

Not really much to report today. Libido is still very much on holiday, which is helping. Feeling a lot of fullness, but it's not creating any feeling of discomfort or desire to release. Tomorrow will equal my current record.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 6

Similarly to yesterday, nothing new to report here really. Other than the fact that I went to the gym today and virtually everything I did at a higher resistance than every other time. It just felt like I could do about 10-20% more than in previous sessions. It does stand to reason that this would be the case after ABing. Today is equal to my personal best, and tomorrow will beat it and clock up the one week milestone.

I'm still finding that, when I see attractive women around, I'm able to enjoy, but not connect that pleasure to any desire to release. Previously, I would sometimes get annoyed looking at really hot women walking past. On one hand, they were impeccably sexy but on the other hand, I felt they were reminding me that I couldn't have them. Sometimes I used to force myself to stop looking because I didn't like 'giving the satisfaction of knowing they had beaten me'.

On reflection, this is actually complete garbage. A hot girl walking past me is simply a girl who is walking to get from A to B. She has no intention of trying to look so attractive as to force men to masturbate, nor is she thinking that I can't have them. If she is, then that's none of my business and not for me to worry about. But further on than that, this is actually not about her at all - it's about me. It's my mind, my body, my choices. Whatever an attractive girl may or may not be thinking, that shouldn't translate into me suddenly developing the need to go home and MB that evening. That's just me being codependent if it does, and codependency really sucks.

The fact is, women are beautiful. There's no reason why men shouldn't be able to enjoy looking at them, much like there's no reason women shouldn't be able to derive the same pleasure from looking at men. But for me, at the moment at least, that admiration is not transpiring into an urge to go and MB. It's a state of mind I'm really enjoying being in.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 7
Into uncharted territory for me today for the first time, and god damn if somebody didn't invite the horny devil and put him on my shoulder all day for the first time in my AB. Today has been incredibly difficult. It's not the fullness that's getting me, it's just the sheer horniness.

I'll admit, I'm wavering around what my goal is. I still need to refrain from physical touching, but I'm starting to wonder whether perhaps I should aim for a no-hands (awake) orgasm rather than a WD... initially at least. The hornier I get, the more that seems like a realistic possibility. hmm.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 8
After a difficult day yesterday, last night my libido just died and it has stayed that way today. I am just too tired. All I want to do is sleep or at least lie down. Last day of work today and by god do I need a break!

Interestingly, this morning I had quite a nice erection, even after peeing. It stuck around for a good 20 mins. Apart from that, nothing really to report.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 9
Blue balls for the first time today. At least, that's what I think it is. It's not something a person who's previous record was 3 days of AB has really experienced before! My balls are sore in surges. Not usually to the point of much more than a little discomfort, but definitely noticeable most of the time.

Horniness is still pretty tame today. In a way, I kinda have a feeling of having already accomplished a lot, and not wanting to throw it away by getting so turned on (by a woman I'll never meet again in my life) that I have to go and fap. Apart from the early morning erections, I don't think I've had one so far during my AB. Still not sure what my goal/objective is. For someone with no goal, I don't think I'm doing too badly though!

[LuvsCurvy]

Started today as day 10, finished it as day 0. After not being overly horny all day, I started doing some reading on how to use Game seduction in my relationship to start bringing sex back into it after way too long. That got me a little horned, but nothing that wasn't unmanageable. Given time, it quickly slid back to 0 again. Then I listened to Jackpot - No Hands again. No joy, and not a lot of arousal. I cut it off halfway through. But then i decided I may as well MB one out, since I'd made it all the way to 10 days. No real reason other than that. Not responding to 'urges', not dealing with stress, depression or loneliness. Simply rewarding myself I guess.

God damn did it feel good. No let-down either, other than the fact I'm back at day 0 again. I was kinda laughing about it for a while.

Each time I do this, I try to make it a learning experience. Right now, I'm not sure what I can learn from it, other than I really don't yet have a goal and probably need to get one if I'm going to get this thing to any serious place. What I was thinking today was, am I actually doing this to quit MB, or just quit my habit of MB? They are very different things. Some people, for instance, are social smokers and will only smoke when out drinking with friends once every few months. Other than that, they aren't hooked like many are. Is that what I'm aiming at I wonder? A way where MB is something I do infrequently as a treat, rather than as something I need to do to get my 'fix', or something I do 'because I can'. I really don't know. I have enjoyed the already apparent benefits of being MB free over the past 10 days. I like knowing I CAN go without it and porn/chat quite easily. The thought of moving heaven on earth to get to my nightly porn/chat/MB fix is already fading a lot, so I think right now it's inevitable I'll go back to AB. The question really is, how long for, and to answer that, I need to figure out what my goal should be.

[LuvsCurvy]

Having another go at this now after taking a few days away from AB over Xmas. I have figured out my objective a bit clearer now, and worked out where AB fits into it all.

In short, I am using AB to give me energy so I can workout, and self-confidence so I can start som e PUA routines on my wife to try and fix our sex life. I have been way too passive for too long and am intending to take charge but it's going to take a while. Hoping that AB can give me more confidence as it has done in the past.

Another side interest, my last fap was 31st dec 2012 which means I haven't fapped this year. I want to see how long I can go for without cumming in 2013.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 5 and nothing to report. Loving the simplicity of quitting at the end of a month. Makes measuring the days so much easier. 1st of jan = day 1.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 6 equally uneventful. Not sure if I am fighting some kind of illness or whether it is just me being generally run down but I have been having bouts of nausea lately and more recently, this has been accompanied by quite heavy fatigue. This makes ABing dead simple, because I just have no desire to do anything sexual. Tomorrow is day 7 which was difficult last time, so let's see what tomorrow brings.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 8 today drawing to a close. Fullness feeling definitely noticeable, and if I even begin to get an erection, the blue balls hit. I've noticed myself having them randomly when I wake up at night to go to the toilet at times. Nothing that's generating any urge to MB though. The other interesting thing I've noticed is pre-cum when I pee sometimes. Right now, for instance, I feel like I need to go even though I just have. If I go, there will be nothing there but a little pre-cum at the end, I suspect. Horniness just not an issue.

I was thinking today that I don't really feel like I have ever AB'd long enough to move myself past the 'initial withdrawal' phase. That is becoming an incentive for beating the 10 day mark. At this stage, I'm still focussed on at least 1 month of ABing, and that's my goal for the meantime.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 9 all done. Relatively simple, but I'm being greatly assisted by the sore on the side of my penis that refuses to respond to treatment. It's from too much MB, and is on the sensitive inner foreskin. I really hope it starts to improve soon. I don't want to have to go and see a doctor over this. Talk about embarrassing for a 34 year-old married guy to have to bring in an injury from too much MB.

I've tried a whole bunch of natural treatments on it today, so fingers crossed I wake up tomorrow to something that at least appears to be healing.

[LuvsCurvy]

In the middle of Day 10. Hot day; lots of short skirts and dresses out; incredibly difficult.

All I can say is, it's fortunate I have a medical reason for not MBing at the moment, because it would be incredibly tempting right about now. Need to find a way to channel this energy into something other than sex.

[LuvsCurvy]

Glad to have made it through yesterday to day 11 today. Urges have been virtually nonexistent today. Really good for so many reasons. Main thing is, 11 days is a new record for me! So I am pretty stoked about that. As I get further and further into this, I think it's important for me to understand exactly what I am hoping to get out of it. Maybe a WD, maybe a reboot, maybe both. My initial goal is 30 days. My reward won't be to MB, but something else.

What I learnt yesterday was that my urges hit me because I had been into porn. That means porn is a no no, hence why I am considering that aiming for a reboot could be a good exercise to add to my MB. No doubt things will become clearer as time goes on.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 12 all but completed. This is a long post, so if you just want the short version, here it is:

Blue balls, T-Buzz, and a superb morning twitch with my hardon were the order of the day today, as well as general euphoria.


Long version:
This morning I woke up with what felt like a really full bladder and an incredibly nice erection. Only, once I started to concentrate on my bladder and fullness, I felt this incredible surging sensation. Realising it was a new symptom, I decided to lie there and enjoy it a little. Each time I did a kegel it would come back. Twitching of my dick and everything. The feeling was just exquisite. Nothing happened as I didn't want it to, but boy was it nice. When I did get up and negotiate getting myself to the toilet, there was comparatively little there.

Today has been a most bizarre day. I slept incredibly deeply all night, and wasn't even aware when my wife got up. The first thing I knew was the time at 7:20am, when I had the bed to myself. I was a bit dazed and dense for a while after I got up, so must have still been waking up. But right from the moment I left the bedroom, everything just seemed a bit 'different' today. I can't explain how. Initially, it felt like someone had rearranged the furniture slightly, but it grew to a feeling that I'm living a slightly different life now. I couldn't help but think of Talking Heads' "Once In a Lifetime" lyrics: "You may find yourself in a beautiful house...with a beautiful wife.... and you may ask yourself... well... How did i get there?".

2009-2012 for me involved an awful lot of hurt, resentment, pain and anger. But today, it felt kind of like.... it was all gone. I don't really know how to explain it. I've figured out a few things about my relationship, and about myself. I've been working on myself for some time, but I guess I lacked the mental clarity to move past everything that has happened in our household over the past few years. But since taking the focus away from needing to 'release' and shifting it to 'wanting to become a better person' and using my sexual energy to work on that, I've found myself doing things I would never have considered even a matter of months ago.

Today it's like I have no fears or anxieties (and believe me, I normally have a lot). I feel like I could conquer anything if I needed to. I know this is probably going to sound crazy to some, but believe me, I'm normally the biggest sceptic when it comes to stuff like this.

I've really just been on a high all day. If this is what AB and T-Buzz are all about, then quite frankly, the notion of ever getting back into a regular MB habit can take a running jump for all I care. One other interesting thing. I am a freelance contributor to a magazine here in NZ and I sometimes used to find that, when I was working on an article (on my computer of course) I'd reward myself for spending say 30 minutes on it by a session of PMO. PMO got in the way of my writing. Because I used the same device to write as I also used to get off, it was just too tempting. Now I'm the opposite and I'm using my pent-up energy as motivation to write my latest piece. Funny how things have come around in reverse.

About the only bad thing was blue balls. It seemed to be worse when I stood up after sitting down, but didn't hang around too long luckily.

I'm not sure how long this rush will last, but I'll enjoy it while it's here.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 13 ending, and in a way, a continuation of yesterday. Euphoria slightly down on yesterday, but 'superman' status remains. I went to a birthday party for one of my son's friends today, and my socialising with the other parents just felt so much more natural than it otherwise would have. Tomorrow I go back to work after the Christmas break, so it will be interesting to see how that goes, socially (with colleagues I mean) speaking. It's hard to describe why I feel less hung up about things. It kind of feels slightly the same as the reduced inhibitions you get after a small amount of alcohol. Kinda like I'm 'drunk' on primal sexual energy. Physiologically speaking, it makes absolute sense that a male of the species who simply needs to get laid would take more of a carefree attitude to whether or not he hurts the feelings of others. That's not to say I'm going around pissing people off all the time. But normally, I'm a little too conscious of the feelings of others. It works to my detriment a lot of the time - always saying yes so as not to upset people. If this is the way my mind is going to work when ABing then I need to stick at it. I would have imagined a more calm person to have been one who orgasmed regularly. But it's almost this feeling of "i will do whatever it takes to get laid, to heck with what others might think".

Apart from that, things have been pretty calm today. It was a little rough last night after I became anxious about how much semen I might ejaculate if I do ever have a WD, but have decided I'll use a sock every night to be on the safe side. Once my mind got a sniff of doubt about my regime, it started trying to rationalise MB to me. Luckily, I fought and won. Two weeks tomorrow!

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 14 and a whole two weeks!!

Today was incredibly easy. I slept quite badly last night, waking up almost every hour for about the first four hours I was asleep. As a result, I didn't quite have the superman super powers that I have had the previous two days. Was a shame, but here's hoping they come back to some extent once I get a decent night's sleep.

[LuvsCurvy]

Day 15. Most of today was easy, but in the evening it has gotten ridiculous. The evening is what used to be my 'porn time' so my body has come to expect it. When I was cleaning up after dinner, all I was thinking about was sex. Since then, it's been incredibly difficult to take my mind off of it. Even distracting myself by working on my latest article, all I'm thinking about is sex. I don't believe it's going to be a problem to make it through though. I've come so far, and I understand that this is just my id trying to fight with me and rationalise MB. This isn't 'a trend', it's just 'a phase' and if I can make it through this phase, I'll be fine. That's what I will keep telling myself. Who knows. I might even get lucky and hit one of those sudden libido killers that I get from time to time.

[wdreamer]

Congrats on making it 15 days! Keep it going, don't give up now!

Day 15.

[CalAsianGuy]

Nice progress. 15 days. I strive for that. 1 week is difficult but hey, I'm almost there. The feeling of release is tempting, but glad to see you're holding on. You've obviously progressing quite well; hitting new records everyday. I'll be hitting my new records after tomorrow too. Props to both of us.