Is it all about giving up control?

[LuvsCurvy]

Still yet to have a WD so I can't speak for my own experience, but I just had a thought that maybe the trick to getting WDs is all about giving up control for your sexual pleasure to someone/something else. MB is always our method of last resort when we are unable to find someone to give us our gratification, so we get used to being in a space where we are responsible for our own release. If we feel build up, it is our responsibility to find release. Maybe that is why people who try and force WDs have less success than those who don't? Maybe we just need to somehow acknowledge that we are not responsible for our own sexual gratification any longer? That would certainly explain why those who edge don't always get WDs, and likewise for those who use porn.

Just a thought I had. I would be interested to hear other people's opinions.

[MaxJ]

Interesting. I personally have never had someone give me "gratification" from start to finish, so, MB and WDs have been my only stimuli for release. If your theory were true, then I think people who have sex regularly and hardly MB, and then decide to AB, would have a lot more WDs because, like you say, they acknowledge that they are not responsible for their own gratification. Would be interesting to get some more opinions/experiences on this topic.

[Texanguy]

I think this comes down to a question of the relevance of MB. Some guys who have regular sex with a partner still MB frequently, while others of them don't MB at all. It would seem logical that the guys who find MB to be not that relevant or exciting would be the ones most likely to get WDs.

The most successful MBer turned WDer at this site was a 15 year old virgin who never had a WD before coming here. His attitude was that he wanted to stop MB and have WDs. He started sleeping nude, and started to get WDs where he had sex with his girlfriend, even though they were both strongly committed to waiting until marriage after college to have sex. He posted a lot over a few months, and his WDs became more intense and more frequent, with longer, more intense orgasms, where he claimed to ejaculate more semen than ever in MB. He eventually averaged about 4 to 5 WDs per week, even having two in one night at times. Along with finding his WDs to be much more pleasurable than MB, he developed a strong negative attitude about MB. He didn't even like to think about MBing, and was more repelled by it than tempted by it. On the contrary, he tried to maximize his WD frequency by fantasizing about having sex before going to sleep while hating MB.

I once found a post by a guy at a body building site who bragged/complained about having to take showers to clean up after his frequent WDs, even though he found them to be very enjoyable. Someone replied to his post that he should just MB more, but he said he 'can't', because it had become a chore and he didn't like it. That made me curious about his past, so I looked up his posting history.

Like a lot of guys at the WD site, in the past he had wanted to get WDs, tried abstaining from MB to get them, and kept slipping up. He also had some sex. He never posted much, but at some point he had clearly made a transition. He had gone from an MBer who had some sex but wanted to abstain from MB in order to get WDs, to being a guy who no longer enjoyed MB and would only have WDs and some sex.

One thing both these guys had in common is that MB had become a negative for them. They didn't like it anymore. I suspect that either one could still MB, but I think they better expressed and enjoyed their sexuality by not having MB as an outlet.

Unfortunately, it looks like developing a disdain for MB doesn't seem to guarantee that WDs come easily. But it probably helps, and moving 'beyond' MB as an outlet can likely play a significant role in becoming a successful full time WDer.