How to give advice?

[JohnJo]

I need some sound advice, else I might get this really wrong. My young brother's three years behind me. I managed to stop MB more than 2 years ago. Believe me it was a huge effort, seeing I was so into it for about 3 years. He just asked me about MB: he said wanking, our usual school word for that. Not sure if he's doing it, think he probably is. But what do I say? Tell him to lay off it, which is near enough impossible (he's 14), or what? Remembering how it was for me, how can I start telling him about WD being much better? Him & me are good mates, and I know he would never say anything to our folks. Or mebbe its just best for me to say nothing, let him hammer away at it and find out for himself.

[LuvsCurvy]

If it were me and I were open enough, I would tell him about MB but caution him that it can easily become addictive if you get too used to it. In other words, the "everything in moderation" speech. As for WDs, I wouldn't mention that. Give him a few years to figure out MB first. It's hard to say which is better when he hasn't tried MB for a decent period of time.

Personally I have a strong opposition to convincing people such as him "don't MB, it is a bad habit, go for WDs coz it feels much better" when they are still young and impressionable. Let people figure out what works for them without ramming it down their throat. I do wish that someone had cautioned me about how addictive MB can become when I was younger, but if someone had preached about how it was bad etc it probably would have just made me do it more to rebel.

Just my thoughts anyway. Really pleased to hear you guys are so close.

[AGT]

I agree with LuvsCurvy. By all means, tell him that MB is very enjoyable and therefore addictive. Tell him how dificult it would be to give it up should he wish to do so, down the track. I think it would be wrong to state that MB is bad for you. (You remember all the stories: hair on the palm of your hand, going blind, and so on) For religious reasons, one can say it is wrong to MB, but one cannot say that it is "bad" for you.
Basically be open and honest with him, as he will get other opinions as well as yours.

[Texanguy]

You did a brief but good job of describing your own history to us, so I think you can be open about the same information with your brother. In this day and age, it is unlikely that he hadn't heard that every guy MBs, and that it is normal and expected. So you can let him know that you understand that, that you had a hard time quitting, but succeeded in doing so. You can also make your own preferences for WDs over MB clear to him and why.

One thing you did not tell us is why you quit MB. Whether it is religion or some other reason, there is nothing wrong with discussing those reasons with him. If it is mainly religion, he can understand that since he is in the same family. Can you also tell us why you quit?

One thing that has been happening the last few years is the recognition that MB, especially to porn, can have negative effects on energy, self confidence, etc. Also WDs do seem to be a more natural and enjoyable outlet than MB. More than one person regrets getting into MB and wishes they never had started. You can make sure that he is informed about that side of the MB habit.

But he is his own person, and like you, he (like most guys around his age) may very well be already addicted to MB. You can respect that, given your own history, and respect his opinion, as he apparently respects yours. So I think the best thing you can offer is understanding and acceptance of where he is at about MB, plus explain your own history and your own reasons why you quit.

One more thing you might do, if you indeed prefer and enjoy your WDs over MB. You can tell him how much better WDs are than MB. I think one way to inspire an MBer to quit is telling him about the contents of your latest WD whenever you get one and telling him how much better and more exciting it was than MB. Almost any MB addict would become envious of anyone they know and respect who describes their latest WDs to them, and tells them how much better they are than MB. Many guys would be inspired to get them themselves.

[JohnJo]

Well, thanks for advice, and reckon I go along with that, I mean explaining to him like how hard it is to stop MB once you get into it. BTW, since the time I asked, brother told me he was started on it, not really worried about it except mebbe our mum might see stains or something, so I tried to tell him best way to avoid that happening. Sorry if this question was a bit off-topic, and I won't need to say any more.

[LuvsCurvy]

Just a thought I had. If you wanted to say that you thought WDs were a better outlet than MB, all you need to do is put a disclaimer in front of it (eg "I personally feel that WDs are more satisfying than MB, but YMMV"). It's much better than just stating it as a fact and making him automatically 'wrong' for currently doing something against this.