NearlyFifty's log

[NearlyFifty]

Not much new in the past few evenings: the dry orgasms have slacked off (only one in last 2 nights). I haven't been feeling too great the last few days, and so not sleeping real well: I don't remember any dreams at all, so naturally no WD. Felt better today, so hopefully some REM sleep tonight will result in a dream of some sort, dry or wet: I hope for the latter, of course
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Haven't posted for 5 days cuz there's not really much "new" to report: I am feeling and sleeping better, and I've had a # of dreams, a few I could remember upon waking, over the last few nights. Very few dry orgasms in the last 5 nights. Energy level had been rising but was lower today, but that could be the heat and humidity: even though I work indoors with AC, it still seems to have an effect. Horniness has been variable, but temptation towards porn has been higher over the past 2 days: today was better.

I'm really trying to relax and, rather than obsessing over the # of days since my last WD & when/if I will have the next one, enjoy the benefits of AB: generally more energy & basically just feeling better about myself. But it isn't always easy!
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Had a really tough couple of days last week, so haven't been posting: suddenly started feeling really lethargic and kinda "down in the dumps", though nothing happened that I can think of to trigger something like that. The weather's been hot & humid, but I actually enjoy summer weather. I don't think it had anything to do with AB, but I did feel a bit better after I would exercise, which maybe increased some testosterone or other hormones that picked me up, so maybe it was related to ABing. Great temptation to porn, just to pass the time, but I didn't give in, thankfully, cuz I usually just feel worse afterwards. Then, about 3 days ago, I was almost just as quickly back to my normal self, able to focus and with a general feeling of well-being.

But during the last week, whether feeling down or up, the dry orgasms during the night have pretty much stopped. I am dreaming alot, so must be sleeping well, but nothing erotic. So, I'm hoping the upswing continues and I get back more of that energy I had after the WD I had some 6 weeks ago. Maybe another WD would help?
--NF

[bruceduncan]

Hi NF, hope you're feeling better. Your energy levels do go up and down as you're ab-ing. I find that I have to take a few more naps than I used to. Keep doing what you're doing as you anticipate your next WD. It shouldn't be too far away, not like the first one. Exercise is good.... We just got a new dog, and she gets me out walking more than I've been doing. Good luck! Thanks for posting, your comments are always appreciated!

-BD

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks for the support, BD & 95%: remembering that others go through ups and downs helps, cuz during the down times, I tend to turn inward and can think I'm the only one this happens to.
Things HAVE been looking up over the last couple of days: more energy and doing things I enjoy like reading, biking, and swimming. The nights have become a bit more active, too: not only morning wood but wood upon waking for the nightly mid-sleep pee (middle age does that to a guy ) Last night a short dry orgasm, too. So, it feels like I'm on an upswing, and I think that fact that I didn't give in to MB when I was down brought on the upswing sooner. Yet another benefit of AB, now that I am seeking to live it seriously again rather than just cheating when the going got tough, as I had been over the last few years.
--NF

[wtdra]

Glad to hear that everything is Ok and you found some benefits in AB.
Good luck for you man! Keep strong.

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks, wtdra, for the words of support!

Was away for a few days, but the night b4 I left, I had a sexual dream, but sadly not a WD. I dreamt I was hands-free MBing, and saw the ejaculation begin and then continue, but didn't feel anything: I had a dream about having an SE!
None of the pleasure and none of the release of a WD, but maybe the dream's subject matter is a sign that my subconscious may be moving me in the direction of a WD.

Meanwhile, I continue to enjoy the various benefits of AB: more energy & focus & a desire to use my energy for that which makes me a better person: improving my mind through reading and my body through exercising. I'm beginning to move towards the perspective that, for me, a WD would be a bonus for ABing rather than its sole purpose.
--NF

[wtdra]

Thanks, wtdra, for the words of support!

Was away for a few days, but the night b4 I left, I had a sexual dream, but sadly not a WD. I dreamt I was hands-free MBing, and saw the ejaculation begin and then continue, but didn't feel anything: I had a dream about having an SE!
None of the pleasure and none of the release of a WD, but maybe the dream's subject matter is a sign that my subconscious may be moving me in the direction of a WD.

Meanwhile, I continue to enjoy the various benefits of AB: more energy & focus & a desire to use my energy for that which makes me a better person: improving my mind through reading and my body through exercising. I'm beginning to move towards the perspective that, for me, a WD would be a bonus for ABing rather than its sole purpose.
--NF

Yes, you probably had a dream about having a SE (or about seeing a hot girl plus MBing ha ;D). Ok, sorry I am just joking.
Yes, the sexual dream can really be a sign that you will have a WD soon.

Yes, you are right, AB really have a lot of benefits, and I feel that too! Nice that you have noticed it!

Good luck NearlyFifty!

[NearlyFifty]

Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since I posted to my log! I've logged on to WDF a few times in the last week, but guess I never got to my own log. I suppose if I had new things to report (like a WD ), I might have posted sooner.

AB continues to go pretty well: the energy high I had for the first month or so after my WD in late May has never returned completely: my energy has been fluctuating up & down. But, recommitting to AB and avoiding porn has left me more time to do the things that truly feed me, like biking, reading, and visiting friends & family, even without the energy boost I felt earlier.

Yesterday I was the horniest I've been in weeks, and last night I was really tempted to look at porn, and actually started a few times, but then stopped and walked away from the computer. Last night I had three dry orgasms, one really intense that lasted well over 10 mins., and in the morning did notice a few spots of dried precum on my underwear but nothing more. So, my body seems ready for a release. Today I started looking at a few titillating pictures, but managed to stop and avoid even considering the possibility of moving in to looking at porn. So, we'll see what tonight brings.
--NF

[aficionado]

Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since I posted to my log! I've logged on to WDF a few times in the last week, but guess I never got to my own log. I suppose if I had new things to report (like a WD ), I might have posted sooner.

AB continues to go pretty well: the energy high I had for the first month or so after my WD in late May has never returned completely: my energy has been fluctuating up & down. But, recommitting to AB and avoiding porn has left me more time to do the things that truly feed me, like biking, reading, and visiting friends & family, even without the energy boost I felt earlier.

Yesterday I was the horniest I've been in weeks, and last night I was really tempted to look at porn, and actually started a few times, but then stopped and walked away from the computer. Last night I had three dry orgasms, one really intense that lasted well over 10 mins., and in the morning did notice a few spots of dried precum on my underwear but nothing more. So, my body seems ready for a release. Today I started looking at a few titillating pictures, but managed to stop and avoid even considering the possibility of moving in to looking at porn. So, we'll see what tonight brings.
--NF

First of all, good job with continuing to AB.


But second, you mention something that I've experienced as well. I also notice the energy high - I call it T Buzz - most strongly the first couple weeks or so after I have started to AB. Not sure why it tapers off after that but thought it was interesting you mentioned having the same experience.

[NearlyFifty]

But second, you mention something that I've experienced as well. I also notice the energy high - I call it T Buzz - most strongly the first couple weeks or so after I have started to AB. Not sure why it tapers off after that but thought it was interesting you mentioned having the same experience.

Wow, it's been another week since I updated: I don't know where the time goes!

Aficianado: I had seen refrences to T-Buzz in other logs, and I was associating it with something more purely physical, but your post helped see how it really is about the whole person, and thus increased energy. What is odd to me is that the other things I had related to T-Buzz, like dry orgasms, random erections, and tingling balls, are still continuing. Maybe that's a sign that I just need to relax about the whole WD thing (which I've been trying to do, but the pleasant memories of the last one, 9 weeks ago already, still linger)

The good news is that I have had little temptation to porn or MB, which is a good thing: have had some dry orgasms on a few of the nights the past week. I just got back after being away for a few days, and when away I did have a dream I can vaguely remember in which I did begin to ejaculate, but then stopped: I seem to remember that is was a pleasurable ejaculation more than an SE, but when I woke up, minutes or maybe even hours later, all was dry. I don't remember having a dream where that happened in many years.

AB can be challenging for me at times, but over the last 9 weeks it has never been boring.
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Well, I unfortunatly have to report that I have broken my 4 1/2 month avoidance of porn . It happened on Saturday, starting out by googling some info, but then moving into some material that was not pornographic but I could feel was getting my juices flowing. So, later I went back and got into the hard-core stuff: no physical stimulation, but what I would call "mental MB", resulting in some pre-cum.

I usually worry about the slippery slope once I start, but the last few days the temptation just wasn't there. So, I think I'm back on the right track, but it's really a day at a time thing to avoid the porn.
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

"It's been a quiet week in ABland," to paraphrase a well-known regional radio host. I had a mishap on a bicycle ride a week and a half ago: no broken bones, just some bruising and road rash. That pretty much dropped my horniness down to zero, and I haven't been sleeping that great so don't remember many dreams at all, much less erotic ones. But the last few nights I have had the beginnings of a few dry orgasms, and today the T-buzz is back and horniness increased greatly, kinda coming out of nowhere. The temptation to look at porn is rising, but I feel pretty strong to fight it back 2nite.

What I really miss is the increase in energy I felt after the WD I had 3 months ago, which lasted almost a month but then started to dissipate. Oh, and I wouldn't mind experiencing the pleasure of the WD again, either
--NF

[determined11]

I am glad you are safe after the mishap and no born body

keep string!

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks for the good wishes, d11: Pretty much all the soreness is gone and the road rash has healed from the bicycle mishap. I have some minor repair to do on the bike and hope to get back on it soon.

Just 2 weeks after I broke my 4 1/2 month avoidance of porn, I have fallen into it again. This time it was even more blatant: I went straight for the hard-core stuff, whereas 2 weeks ago it started with some material that was not pornographic. No physical stimulation, but I ended up with (for me) a huge drop of pre-cum, more than normal for me, so there was obviously stimulation!

Last night I had one of the most intense dry orgasms I remember in the last months, but no erotic dreams that I recall. I continue to find the relationship between body, conscious mind, and subconscious fascinating. The porn certainly seemed to affect my body and conscious mind last night, but not my subconscious as far as I can't recall having an erotic dream. For me, maybe I need to try and not sexually stimulate the body and mind, and then the subconscious will kick in and a WD will come. Of course, that is much easier said than done
--NF

[traveling guy]

nearlyfifty -

good to see you have done so well abstaining. It is always a challenge and I hope you can also succeed on the no porn quest.

I always take erotic dreams as a good sign that the brain is starting to figure out the next wd. It seems like you must be getting closer to the next wd and I wish you success.

TG

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks, TG & 95%, for the support. Tonight I felt the most temptation to look at porn since last week, but I decided to log on to WDF instead and each time it helps me refocus. Thanks to you all!

No WD to report, still the occasional dry orgasm every other night or so, but I have been experiencing a new phenomenon: a few times each day for the past 2 weeks or so, not when thinking about anything sexual, my flaccid penis contracts a few times and I feel as if an SE is happening, but there is no emission. Sometimes there is some tingling in the balls with this, other times not. As with many things on this journey over the last months to consciously AB (rather than just trying to fight off temptation to porn & MB, which has been a huge mindshift for me), this is a new experience for me, and yet another one for which I have no idea what the cause is.

So, even without a WD in the past 3 months, the journey remains interesting!
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

I seem to be stuck in a 2 week cycle of staying away from porn and then indulging myself. Happened again last night

Pretty much the same as 2 weeks ago: I was going to go to WDF, but instead detoured to hard-core porn "just for a few minutes" (the BIG lie), which turned into a few hours, and I never got to WDF before I had to turn in. Like 2 weeks ago, no physical stimulation, and even more pre-cum than last time. Then last night I had my first dry orgasm in over a week. So, the "mental edging" seems to somehow trigger for me a physical response, but not the psychosexual response that would lead to a WD.

Now I just need to remember that, for me at least, porn doesn't lead to WD, even though I'm not just ABing for a WD (and, of course, porn doesn't really fit with my reasons for ABing, either!)
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

So, I've been successful for the past 1 1/2 weeks staying away from porn, but 2 nights ago I went a different route: physical edging, not directly by hand but using water, shortly b4 bedtime. And, then that night I had a dry orgasm just as I began to fall asleep (I hadn't a dry orgasm since I looked at porn 1 1/2 weeks ago). This dry orgasm left me with a few spots of precum in my briefs, which my dry orgasms hadn't for the previous month to six weeks (I don't keep that close of track!), whereas the ones I had in the June-July period always resulted in spots. Of course, I have no way of knowing if the precum from the recent dry orgasm was just "in the system" from the edging (though I had peed after the edging which would have cleared the tube) or a part of the dry orgasm.

All day yesterday, after the dry orgasm, I had great energy and a real t-buzz, so I experienced some of the same effects as I experienced with a WD. But today both were greatly diminished, while the energy and t-buzz from the WD lasted a whole month. The dry orgasms aren't unpleasant, or course, but for me they have neither the long-term benefits nor the pleasure of a WD.

So, it seems that, for me, not only mental stimulation from porn but also physical sexual stimulation from edging led to a dry orgasm. And the dry orgasms don't have the same benefits as a WD for me. Having this knowledge is an important first step, but the second step is tougher: summoning the willpower to stay away from both. Fortunately, the support and insights I get from WDF make this seem all the more possible.
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

The last few days I have reached 2 significant milestones: to my mind, one positive and one negative:

On the positive side n 27 Sept., I reached 200 days of AB. I haven't made it to that point for a number of years.

On the negative side : on the evening of 26 Sept. (Day 199), I watched about 4 straight hours worth of porn, but with no touching. I produced a number of drops of precum, which is alot for me, and was strongly tempted a few times to start stroking, but fortunately I resisted. Luckily, I didn't have the porn-edging hangover the next morning I sometimes have experience: headache & grogginess (of course, the porn cut into my sleep time, which didn't help either).

Day 200 I managed to stay away from the porn, but today I glanced at a few sites but was able to pull myself away. I'm going away on business for a few days next week, and I find the temptation isn't as strong when I am away, so I hope that breaks the current "temptation to porn" streak.

As with after previous porn viewing sessions the last weeks, I had a strong dry orgasm that night, but it was merely physical: no erotic dream to go with it.

I feel like a broken record with my posts lately, but I have one selfish reason: they do help me with accountability to myself. And, also, maybe my experience can be of help or support to someone else with similar struggles in their desire to get off porn completely.
--NF

[Eleazar]

Hi NF,
Congratulations with reaching 200 days! It is a great milestone indeed. Sorry to hear about the porn binge, though. But on the upside, that material might be fodder for the next set of wd's u r going to have.
Congratulations once again. And maybe the new location(s) you will be sleeping in might trigger them too. Well done

[bruceduncan]

Congratulations on reaching 200 days, NF !!! I always enjoy your posts - they are very helpful.

-BD

[NearlyFifty]

Belated thanks for the good wishes, bd & eleazar Both the direct support and the realization that others seeking to AB have struggles is helpful to me.

It's been 3 weeks since my last post: while I have snuck a few "peeks" at erotic pics & vids, I haven't been on a binge, so I appear to have broken that 2 week cycle This was in part because I came down with a cold shortly after my last post and so my energy level was pretty low for almost 2 weeks. This past week, as my energy level increased, a few nights I woke up to pee and had a quite firm erection, and also had my first dry orgasm since I caught the cold, but no erotic dreams I recall. As my energy returned, however, my horniness level also increased. Tonight I could sense that the "peeks" were starting to lead towards a binge, so I simply told myself: NO! I'm going to use the computer for something positive like WDF. So, here I am, updating & heading to chat!
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

It's been an up and down month regarding the porn: 3 binges of 1-3 days each (a few days up to 3 hours) with a few drops of precum most times, but I'm grateful that I've managed to avoid MB. So, some success and some failure. I haven't posted lately cuz there was really nothing new, until the last couple nights. I was away over the long weekend, and had a number of dreams I remember clearly, including two last night involving being naked in public: they weren't sexual, and while I was trying to avoid people in parts of the dreams, other times I was just there as if I were dressed normally. Since I don't usually remember my dreams, I've never really studied dream interpretation, so I have no idea what they mean, but it's been fun having these vivid dreams. Since I've been away from porn for a few days now, it will be interesting to see if any these vivid dreams continue now that I'm back home, and, if they do, any take on an erotic character. A guy can hope!
--NF

[bruceduncan]

Hey NF, good to hear from you again. Good luck on your next WD! Hope it's soon.

-BD

[wolf_of_benjamin]

Hello NF! your log is up again XD

[NearlyFifty]

Today I have reached one year of AB from MB and manual stimulation. I do feel a sense of accomplishment, but I don't post this to brag, as I continue to struggle with porn (which I'm beginning to consider for myself a type of mental MB, even though there is no ejaculation). Today also marks 2 weeks of AB from porn, which for the last number of months seems to be the limit I have reached before falling, but I am feeling pretty strong to resist at this time and hope that I can make it through the next few days, and maybe "get to the other side" of that cycle, until I face the next peak in the cycle, whenever that may be.

During my year of AB from MB, I have only had one WD, about 10 weeks along. As I have reported in my log, it had a very energizing effect on me, but that waned over the following month to six weeks. However, I do continue to experience dry orgasms a few to a number of times per week, usually just as I am about to fall asleep, but also sometimes waking me up (which, if I had stayed asleep, may have become a WD). I had never experienced dry orgasms before, and they are not unpleasant, but nothing like a WD, nor even as pleasurable as MB. The plus side of a dry orgasm over MB is that I often felt a letdown (physical, emotional & spiritual) after MB that I don't after a dry orgasm: I just feel relaxed and ready for sleep.

Looking forward, I plan to continue my AB from MB and manual stimulation, and to continue to strive to avoid porn and mental stimulation. I may never have another WD in my life, but I still find more benefits from AB than I believe I would find from returning to MB. I appreciate the support of you members of WDF and wish you all the best on your journeys--NF

[Eleazar]

Congratulations on reaching 1 year of AB, NF!

[bruceduncan]

Congratulations, NF! Great to hear from you!

[Maximus]

This is wonderful, NF!!!

Admire your determination and efforts!!! You are an inspiration to many who are struggling with porn or not getting WD while ABing.