Wet Dream Forum

Sexual dreams

Written by Dr David Delvin, GP and family planning specialist
and Christine Webber, psychotherapist and lifecoach

Even in this sexually ‘open’ age, people are often worried because they've had dreams with a sexual content. In particular, it can be very disturbing if, in a dream, you do something that would be totally shocking for you in real life! For instance, a woman who leads an extremely chaste and respectable life may be troubled by dreams in which she has rampaging sex with dozens of handsome males.

Similarly, a man who prides himself on being 'straight' and who actually dislikes homosexuals, may be quite shattered to find that he has dreams in which he is engaging in sexual fondling with some good-looking guy!

However, a lot of people are not disturbed by their sexual dreams and simply enjoy them for what they are. This is normally the best attitude to take.

Why do we have sexual dreams?

We dream because of the intense activity that is constantly going on in our subconscious minds. And since sex is one of the most powerful of all human drives, it's not surprising that so many dreams have a strong sexual content.

If we have deep urges to do certain things, they are highly likely to come out in our dreams – where our consciences cannot prevent them happening.

But isn't it true that our consciences 'censor' sexy dreams?

Yes. The mind has something called a 'dream censor', which tends to 'clean up' dreams.

So, if a person who has a very strict puritanical outlook starts to have a sexy dream, their dream censor may alter that dream so that very 'rude' things are replaced by symbols.

Thus, a man of strict sexual morals may have a deep, unconscious desire to have sex with beautiful women. Instead of dreaming about vaginas, he will keep dreaming about tunnels and subways. Instead of dreaming about breasts he will dream about pleasant hillocks and mounds - and so on.

Similarly, a woman whose sexual morality is very strict won't dream of penises. Instead, she'll dream of penile symbols, like:

• church spires
• rockets
• cigars
• tall chimneys.

However, in our experience, this kind of 'dream symbolism' seems to be less common than it used to be. People are less 'hung up' than they were a generation or so ago - which is why they tend to dream about explicit sex, rather than symbols.

Do people have orgasms in dreams?

Definitely! Women don't do this very often, but it does happen - especially at times when they're 'highly charged' sexually.

When we were writing our book The Big 'O' (Hodder: 1995), a sizeable number of women reported to us that their first ever orgasm was in a dream.

However, it's more common for women just to get very excited during a dream – and then to wake up on the brink of orgasm and 'finish themselves off' by self-stroking.

What about men?

Most males (though not all) have many erotic dreams in their teens, 20s and 30s. The frequency of these dreams tends to get less with age, but a lot of sexually-charged males continue to experience pleasant erotic dreams far into their 60s and 70s.

In men, erotic dreams are very commonly 'wet dreams' – in other words, ones in which the guy reaches orgasm and ejaculates.

This can be quite an embarrassment for a young man, especially if he keeps on staining the sheets. But there is nothing that can be done to stop wet dreams. If stains are a problem, it's not a bad idea to wear shorts in bed.

However, in the case of very young males who produce large quantities of semen, staining of the sheets is almost impossible to avoid. Sleeping on a really thick towel may be helpful.

Are wet dreams harmful?

A lot of young men who are of Asian extraction believe that they are. They have been told – often by friends – that loss of semen weakens the body or shortens one’s life. But this is quite untrue. Wet dreams are just the body's natural response to its hormones – much as periods occur in women.

What should you do about disturbing sex dreams?

Most sex dreams are fun, and should just be enjoyed. Sometimes they involve activities that you may feel you'd never get up to in real life – like lesbianism or homosexuality. But this doesn't matter.

However, some people do get very distressing sex dreams – about such disturbing subjects as incest, violence or rape. If this keeps on happening to you, then there must be some psychological reason behind it.

If you are upset by these dreams, and you want to find out the reason for them, then it would be best to consult a therapist. Traditionally, those therapists with analytic backgrounds have been more in tune with – and experienced in – people's dream worlds. But some hypnotherapists are adept at helping a person gain control of their dreams by 're-designing' them during hypnosis so that they end differently and are therefore less disturbing.

There are two articles on this site that will help if you want to find a suitable therapist.

• Who to go to for sex therapy.
• Private therapy.

Dreams of love

Sometimes people have dreams where they are being taken care of, or loved very deeply, or cuddled – dreams that are not overtly sexual but which leave the dreamer feeling very drawn to the person in the dream who was being so affectionate.

These dreams can leave an individual feeling very shaken up and confused because often the 'love interest' in the dream is not a regular partner.

In our experience, these dreams can tell us a great deal. We believe that they are often there as some manifestation that all is not entirely well with our current situation. They often express a hankering for a loving experience that is absent from a marriage or long-term relationship.

If you have this kind of dream and feel disturbed by it, you may want to see a relationship therapist to explore why you are having these dreams.

Of course we all have dreams in which incongruous things happen with people we are not attached to in real life, but when these dreams haunt our waking moments through the next day and beyond, it is wise to take note of the possible message behind them.

Last updated 24.11.2008

Erotic Lucid Dreaming: Exploring Sex & Spirit

This is a topic that never goes out of style. Exploring sexuality safely within the confines of the dream world is one of the prime motivations for learning how to lucid dream. The promise of “exciting dream sex” is a marketing hotspot, so to speak, for beginning lucid dreaming guides, books, and dozens of dubious meditation CDs.


What these guides don’t tell you, of course, is how difficult it is to perfect the art of exploring erotic energy in dreams, and what the pitfalls are along the way.

Let’s start with a little question and answer about the basics and then move on to the possibilities of exploring sex and sensuality in dreams.

Q: Is it true that you can learn how to lucid dream and have sex with your ultimate fantasy?
A:Yes, it’s true. In fact, the experience can feel like the real thing. All sensations in a lucid dream, after all, feel as real as the waking world, provided you have felt the sensations before (or similar sensations) and have working memories to draw from.

Q: Are dream orgasms real?
A: Yes, it’s been scientifically documented that orgasms in lucid dreams can be real orgasms, accompanied by muscular responses, a quickened heart-rate, and vascular tissue change too. This is true for men and women. However, not every lucid dream orgasm is necessarily a physical one; some seems to just trip the pleasure center in the mind, particularly if the arousal happens quickly or instantaneously. We also don’t know about the electrochemical angle yet, such as endorphin release, oxcitocin levels, etc.

Q: What about wet dreams?
A: There is plenty of anecdotal evidence that lucid dreams that end in orgasm for young men can result in real-life ejaculation. I don’t know about any scientific studies that have proven this is a lab”.. that would be a tough sell for finding volunteers. In any case, ejaculating from a lucid wet dream is totally healthy, and probably an indicator of a good sexual health in general.

Q: Why are my lucid dreams so erotically charged?
A: REM sleep is simply exciting from a biological standpoint. Erections and the female equivalent (engorgement) come and go all the time in normal dreams. Becoming consciously aware in a dream often means becoming aware of our bodies” physiological arousal as we dream. There is also a connection between flying dreams and this physiological arousal — which may explain why the top two lucid activities are flying and sex!

Q: Is it unethical to have a sexual lucid dream about someone who is not my romantic partner?
A: That is not something I can answer for you. If it’s a concern, discuss it with your partner. It is also important to consider that private fantasies can affect relationships with real people, even those who invite sexual projections, such as celebrities. However, at the end of the night, things happen in lucid dreams that we often don’t intend, and I would never suggest that someone feel guilty about a dream they had because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Even St Augustine, the medieval Christian priest who essentially coined “original sin,” forgave himself for his wilder dreams.

For a great exploration of the ethics of dream sex by lifelong lucid dreamer Beverly D”Urso, click here. And here is another short guide on how to interpret sexual dreams.

Q: Can you get addicted to lucid dream sex?
A: I have never heard of such a case, because of the self-limiting factors in lucid sex dreams. In other words, lucid dreaming can fulfill fantasies, but unhealthy or dishonest fantasies result in inabilities to “follow through” with the dream scene, as I discuss below.

The Carrot on the String

Now that I”ve covered the basics of lucid dream sex, I’ll move on to the real trouble with using lucid dreaming to explore sexuality: the Carrot on the String.

How many times have you realized you are dreaming and then wasted no time finding a romantic partner to couple with, only to find that the would-be-lover walks away, transforms into someone who is not attractive, or becomes angry and menacing?

Maybe you disengage to find another partner, only for the process to repeat again, either by meeting resistance, disinterest, or bizarre character transformations that you couldn’t even tell your best friends about out of sheer embarrassment.

This is the “carrot on the string,” one of the greatest self-limiting constructs in lucid dreamwork. Just when what you want is in reach, something yanks the string and you are left grasping at air.

The reason this happens is because we do not really crave lucid dream sex. Nor do we really want to “have” that attractive person. Long story short, once we stop treating our fantasy dream loves like objects (specifically: carrots) to have or possess, entire new worlds of possibility open up.

It takes two

Our dream sex fantasy is not a famous movie star, or an Amazonian god or goddess. Rather, the fantasy is to have a relationship with this person (however fleetingly).

It’s an easy thing to understand on an intellectual level, but more difficult to deprogram in a dream, especially in Western culture, which famously markets sexual objects and holds sexual intimacy with ill regard.

I remember a friend of mine telling me how in his sexual lucid dreams he finds the woman of his dreams, begins to make love to her, and then notices, to his horror, that she has meanwhile transformed into a lifeless rag doll. His fantasy became a disturbing parody, and left him with an unsettled feeling that lingered for months. This is an anecdote I have heard in many forms, and for each dreamer the transforming figure is unique but the process is similar.

So what do we really want with dream sex?
We really want connection, relationship, and a shared experience, even in our dreams! For many beginner lucid dreamers who are used to “abracadabra I can get whatever I want” this often means a difficult shift in perspective from grasping for gratification to connecting to our inner passions.

I don’t mean to suggest that you can’t be gratified. The opposite is true; remember that piece about how orgasms can be real” By focusing on relationships first and sensations second, many lucid opportunities will come your way. And once you make the shift, you will probably find that your waking life sexual relationships will become more fulfilling too.

Sacred Sexuality and Lucidity

The erotic energies are very strong. Lucid dreaming is an altered state of consciousness, and the sexual energies in dream, trance, and visions have been explored for millennia by mystics, magis, and saints as a path to know the Divine. In fact, some of the earliest known paintings in the world, including the famous cave art of Lascaux, France, depict sexual ecstasy (note the erection of the bird-man).

In Christianity, the medieval mystics, such as Teresa of Avile and St. Catherine of Siena, explored sexual themes in their ecstatic trances. Taoism, Sufism, and Buddhism all have developed mental practices for sacred sexuality as well. Many of these ancient practices focus on cultivating sexual energy and then using it to purify the mind and the body.

All of this is to say that sexual energy is well known by consciousness explorers as having more value than scratching the pleasure centers of the brain. While getting closer to the Divine may not be your intention, it is helpful to know in advance that delving into lucid dreaming sexuality may have some unforeseen results due to the power of the erotic energies.

By the way, a classic book that is explores sexuality, spirituality and lucid dreams is Patricia Garfield’s Pathway to Ecstasy: The Way of the Dream Mandala. Highly recommended.

Tips for Exploring Erotic Lucid Dreams

So how can you explore Eros safely in lucid dreams” Without going into too much juicy detail, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Eye Contact
Make eye contact in the dream. Dream figures can communicate consent this way. I”m serious: whether you believe dream figures are unreal mental models, or parts of our unconscious personality, or autonomous beings with their own intentions, you can pretty much gauge the authenticity of the encounter just by making eye contact and receiving consent. In fact, this can lead to some ecstatic moments in and of itself.

Surprise Arrivals and Shape-Shifting Dream Figures

Sometimes we have a fantasy in mind but someone else “shows up” in the lucid dream. This is a delicate situation and only you can know what to do.

I will say, however, that wholesale rejection of those whom show up is a quick way to the Carrot on the String mess, in dreams and in waking life. Further, the dream brings insight when an unexpected dream character arrives. This person may have something to share that is not of a sexual nature. So pay attention to whispering dream figures.

Dream figures in lucid dreams do have the habit of transforming, and this is a well known phenomenon that happens right in the middle of the act” flagrante lucido. When this happens, follow Douglas Adams” advice and Don’t Panic. Try showering your dream partner with love and acceptance.

And mean it.

Our minds have deep connections between bliss and repulsion, so it’s important to stay grounded and remember that this is a dream. Yes, fear can transform passion into terror in a second, but if you work through this fear, you may be surprised with an unexpected gift from the dream.

Stay Flexible
Overall, I recommend being flexible when exploring the sensual side of lucid dreaming. If you have a strange new fantasy that comes out of nowhere, remember that you are dreaming and in a safe place to explore new ideas. Sexuality is a mercurial aspect of human nature, and there are probably many things we don’t know about ourselves. On a related note, if you”ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to be the opposite gender, now is your chance!

Bottom-line, as with all forms of intimacy: love yourself. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.

Play Safe
Dream eroticism is just about the safest sex around. However, there are some legitimate concerns to consider because of the intense emotionality that is often accessed during lucid dreams. Often intimacy can cloak powerful psychological dynamics that require the utmost caution. This is especially true for lucid dreamers who have a personal history of sexual abuse. As with all dreamwork, I recommend to anyone who is seeing a psychologist or taking pharmaceuticals to make sure you have support of your counselor before attempting.

Remember that if you feel uncomfortable or at risk, you can always wake up.

While lucid dream sexuality is often talked about by beginners, few master the psychological dynamics of Eros within the conscious dream. I hope this primer helps you on your path to self-discovery. With respect, gratitude, and a sincere wish to learn, erotic lucid dreaming can be fun, and fulfilling.

Ultimately, the path of lucid sensuality can illuminate the soul.

Wet Dreams

Wet Dreams are generally defined as erotic dreams that culminate in orgasm and/or ejaculation and they are a normal part of life for almost every boy growing through puberty and they may continue long into manhood whereas girls have a similar experience.

It is generally believed that most all teenagers and young adults have wet dreams from time to time and this is a normal healthy part of life and if you are at all concerned about your wet or erotic dreams, relax this is a natural and normal part of life.

Not everyone remembers these dreams, for many boys, they simply find a wet patch in their bed that they may feel embarrassed by knowing that their mother will see the evidence and possibly think that they had been masturbating. So if your a mother reading this, please do not make a fuss, just realize your child is growing toward adulthood and it easily washes out of the sheets.

Families haven't always been kind to wet dreamers and in the 18th and early 19th centuries it was though of as a disease with circumcision and castration used as treatment. Fortunately wet dreams are much better accepted as a normal part of our humanity and some research is continuing toward more understanding.

Why do we have wet dreams?
There is no definitive answer, but here are some opinions:

• Stress release - it is well known that orgasm releases a great deal of stress and as we live in a virtual sea of sexual tension this must be one of the primary causes of erotic dreams.
• Connection - of the male and female elements of the personality. This is the simple psychology that everyone has male and female aspects to their character and the erotic dream balances these two aspects.
• Simple desire - you may know a person you are highly attracted to and as yet have not become lovers. The desired other is manifested in the dream state where you make love. This is an interesting scenario as there have been reports of these dreams being mutually experienced by both people on the same night which leads to ideas of extra sensory perception.
• Some medics say that every night our bodies go through a resting test our sexual body parts and that we all become sexually aroused as many as four to six times during sleep and that orgasm may simply be part of this process.

How often do they occur?
Every person is different, some people report regular or intermittent wet or erotic dreams over periods of weeks or months even years.

Can wet dreams be prevented?
The short answer is no. Despite the condemnation and beating of children by parents and carers, the misguided view that this was some kind of disease, there is no known treatment for stopping the occurrence of wet and erotic dreams. Some believe that masturbation and sex before sleep reduces the chance of experiencing wet dreams but there is no guarantee that this will work.

Wet dreams when married
This is perhaps a time when erotic dreams can be most disconcerting when you are sleeping beside your beloved and wet or erotic dreams still occur. This phenomenon is a regular occurrence and it can place a strain on the best relationships giving rise to accusations of unfaithfulness. Even after having sex, either partner can have an erotic dream either with your own partner or someone else which raises the following questions, accusations and doubts:

• The male has a wet dream
  He doubts his fidelity, faithfulness and worries about her reaction.
  She sees the evidence and
  Accuses him of being unfaithful or of not loving her.
• The female has an erotic dream
  Women rarely ejaculate so unless her orgasm wakes him, there is no evidence.
  If she remembers the dream, she may doubt her own fidelity and faithfulness becoming a little more distant from the relationship.

Erotic dreams have destroyed relationships and will probably continue to do so. Until we fully understand our own human nature we can only make educated guesses to why we have erotic dreams or why we dream at all. All we can do is appreciate that erotic dreams are an integral part of our lives to be accepted and enjoyed without any recriminations, blame or fear. The physical experience of wet and erotic dreams is one of pleasure even when not remembered, so relax, put aside any inhibitions and celebrate this unique aspect of your humanity.

Why Do We Have Wet Dreams?

Wet dreams usually appear when we are young and at the height of our sexual power. But often they occur later as well...

Wet dreams are part of a man’s life

Wet dreams are most common in boys during puberty. It’s assumed that this is connected with their levels of testosterone. A study published in The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism showed that boys who received additional doses of testosterone had wet dreams more often, i.e. the figure increased from 17% to 90%. However, wet dreams occur also later in life. Namely, some men suffer from wet dreams only after the age of 40. As levels of testosterone are decreased, there are probably other causes of wet dreams.


Wet dreams are a safety valve for sexual tension

The most general belief is that wet dreams are the way in which the body relieves sexual tension. Different opinions are formed as to what kind of tension is actually relieved by the body, psychological or physical. In men, semen is produced irrespective of the fullness of the testicles, so it accumulates and as a result a man becomes less fertile. Namely, sperm cells cannot swim and become entangled in small heaps, which means that they’re incapable of performing their function. The body should therefore release sperm to maintain fertility. Such a theory, which sounds very convincing and logical, hasn’t been confirmed by hard evidence. Another theory says that a strong psychological pressure is built up if you don’t express your sexual desire. According to this theory, the majority of priests and single men who don’t masturbate and have no sexual relations experience more nocturnal emissions. This, however, is inconsistent with existing studies, which don’t confirm the aforementoned. Kinsey suggested that nocturnal emissions were in fact the mechanism for relieving the psychological pressure of masturbation or sexual intercourse if a man doesn’t want to do it because of religious reasons. There’s also a testimony of Philip C. van Burskirk, who described his sex life in detail and noticed that the number of nocturnal emissions was reduced by more frequent masturbation and vice versa. In 1858, he therefore had 69 wet dreams, and mankind is very thankful to him for these data.


Other possible causes of wet dreams

There are also other explanations why wet dreams occur. A very simple explanation says that people dream of an orgasm and then physically experience it. Therefore, you have a dream about having hot sex that leads you to the climax and your body responds to that. It’s similar to a horrible dream that wakes you up frightened, or if you feel sad in your dream, you can wake up crying. Another simple explanation says that friction during sleep can cause an orgasm. Your penis rubs against your legs, underwear or linen. Sometimes you have dreams as a response to a physical stimulus. Thus, the rubbing of your penis causes erotic dreams that cause an orgasm. We know from experience that the brain doesn’t even need erotic dreams to fill the penis with blood, which means that any kind of dreams can cause semen ejaculation. Older men usually don’t have an ejaculation, but if it occurs, this is often a result of a change in life, such as a healthier life, recreation, a changed diet, medications, giving up alcohol and similar. Otherwise men can only be happy after they the age of 40.

Ejaculation during Sleep – a Cause for Alarm?

Orgasms during sleep are experienced by teenagers as well as older men. Why?

Teenagers achieve the first orgasm during their sleep

When children start developing into sexually mature beings, they often have the so-called sexual or wet dreams, which are caused by experiences during the day. For instance, erotic scenes from a movie, a pretty school friend, maybe a famous movie star or singer and reading of erotic magazines. This largely happens to teenagers who don’t have regular sexual relations or to virgins who don’t masturbate regularly enough. This is a completely natural teenage occurrence that happens more often to some boys and less often to other boys. Or as explained in one of the lexicons: “Various fears in connection with ejaculation during sleep are completely unnecessary.” Ejaculation during sleep begins approximately at the age of 14. Some boys experience it a little bit earlier and others a little bit later, while some boys never experience it. There are no rules and none of the possibilities is problematic.


What are wet dreams?

These are dreams in which a man imagines his sexual wishes very clearly and in various scenes, events and experiences. When he is awake, he pushes them into his subconscious mind. Or as said in the aforementioned lexicon: “We push all the sexual requests of which we’re ashamed and frightened into our subconscious mind. They appear genuine and in a very clear form in our dreams. This depends on how much a person is trying to suppress them.” Good old Sigmund Freud, who linked almost every dream with sexuality, would have a lot to say about that. Especially if it concerns the so-called concealed dreams that contain various sexual symbols. For example, the female genitals usually appear in the form of a vase, box, room and garden, and the male genitals appear in the form of a dagger, sceptre and sometimes a snake. Sexual union is illustrated with a plane or car ride. And as written in the lexicon: “The interpretation of concealed sexual dreams contributes greatly to exploring your own and other people’s sexuality.”


Ejaculation during sleep is also experienced by mature men

This often involves men who satisfy their sexual needs irregularly and it can also show signs of subconscious satisfaction of a sexual wish an individual is afraid of or unable to satisfy in his real life. Especially if it involves a type of sexual deviation that isn’t really accepted in society and is part of an individual’s life one way or the other. Men can have dreams about sexual abnormality, perversion and the satisfaction of their sex drive in an unusual, and for an average person, strange, unimaginable and extremely unacceptable way, that is, the desires men can only realise during their sleep. However, things aren’t always so extreme. An adult person can also have just ordinary erotic dreams, triggered by a stimulus during the day. Or as written in the lexicon: “Ejaculation during sleep is actually subconscious masturbation that doesn’t affect a man’s sexual power when awake. Many men also said that ejaculation in their sleep had no effect on sexual activity that day despite ejaculating their semen, which means they didn’t have any problems with immediate erection and potential fatigue. Maybe we could even say that an orgasm during sleep has no effect on an orgasm when awake, even though there would be a little time difference between them. Ejaculation during sleep therefore gives no cause for alarm.

Talking sex - Understanding wet dreams

published: Saturday | March 22, 2008

Dr Alverston Bailey, Contributor

A nocturnal emission is an ejaculation of semen experienced by a male during sleep. It is also called a wet dream, a sex dream, an involuntary orgasm, or simply an orgasm during sleep.

In medieval Western occultism, nocturnal emissions were believed to be caused by succumbs' coupling with the individual at night, an event associated with night terrors.

In the 18th and 19th centuries, if a patient had involuntary orgasms frequently or released more semen than is typical, then he was diagnosed with a disease called spermatorrhoea or seminal weakness.

Saint Augustine held that nocturnal emissions, unlike masturbation, did not pollute the conscience of a man, because they were not voluntary carnal acts, and were therefore not to be considered a sin.

Sex dreams in men

During puberty, 13 per cent of males experience their first ejaculation as a result of a nocturnal emission. Kinsey found that males experiencing their first ejaculation through a nocturnal emission were older than those experiencing their first ejaculation by means of masturbation

However, nocturnal emissions may happen any time after puberty. They may be accompanied by erotic dreams, and the emission may happen without erection. Whereas an ejaculation normally terminates an erection, in the case of nocturnal emission, the man often still has a functional erection afterward. It is possible to wake up during, or to simply sleep through the ejaculation.

The frequency of nocturnal emissions is quite variable. Some men experience large numbers of nocturnal emissions as teenagers, while others have never experienced one. In the United States, it is estimated that 83 per cent of men will eventually experience nocturnal emissions at some time in their lives.

Surveys in non-Western countries where masturbation is culturally suppressed revealed that 98 per cent or more of the men eventually experience nocturnal emissions.

For males who have experienced nocturnal emissions the mean frequency ranges from 0.36 times per week for single 15-year-old men to 0.18 times per week for 40-year-old single men.

For married men the mean ranges from 0.23 times per week for 19-year-old married men to 0.15 times per week for 50-year-old married men.

Some have the dreams only at a certain age, while others have them throughout their lives following puberty. The frequency of nocturnal emissions has not been conclusively linked to the frequency of masturbation. World-renowned sex researcher Alfred Kinsey found that "there may be some correlation between the frequencies of masturbation and the frequencies of nocturnal dreams.

"In general the males who have the highest frequencies of nocturnal emissions may have somewhat lower rates of masturbation. Some of these males credit the frequent emissions to the fact that they do not masturbate; but it is just as likely that the reverse relationship is true, namely, that they do not masturbate because they have frequent emissions."

One factor that can affect the number of nocturnal emissions a person has is whether they take testosterone-based drugs. In a 1998 study, the number of boys reporting nocturnal emissions drastically increased as their testosterone doses were increased, from 17 per cent of subjects with no treatment to 90 per cent of subjects at a high dose.

Sex dreams in women

In 1953, a study by Kinsey found that 40 per cent of women experienced at least one orgasm during sleep by the age of 45, and a 1986 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that 85 per cent of women who have experienced orgasms during sleep first did so at a young age - before the age of 21, and some before 13.

According to Kinsey's findings, women who suddenly lost the opportunity for several coital orgasms per week had only a few more orgasms in their sleep per year.

What causes sex dreams?

The causes of sex dreams is not entirely known, but it is associated with the fact that males typically get an erection often during sleep (this is called nocturnal penile tumescence).

A common theory proposed by some researchers is that they are the direct result of the stimulation caused by either erotic dreams, or memories of waking sexual activities. For this reason, the term wet dream is also used figuratively for something very pleasurable but imagined. However, there has been limited experimental evidence to support this theory, and many men claim to have had nocturnal emissions without having erotic dreams.

Another common theory is that wet dreams are the way the body disposes of "built-up" semen. However, such a theory is unclear as studies have shown that there was no significant difference observed in wet dream frequency between men who ejaculated frequently while awake and those who never did.

Furthermore, according to the Singapore Science Centre, sperm cells "degenerate and are reabsorbed (broken down and absorbed by the body) in the seminiferous tubules if they are not ejaculated."

If you are having sex dreams and are experiencing anxiety qualms please remember that:

• Wet dreams are normal
  
  
• Girls also get wet dreams, but they are more common in boys.
  
  
• Masturbation can, but will not necessarily, stop frequent wet dreams.
  
  
• Some experts believe that wet dreams are one of the many subconscious ways that the body handles stress - they seem to happen more frequently in teens and young adults because this age group is thought to be stress prone.
  
  
• Wet dreams are not induced by drugs.
  
  
• Wet dreams do not suggest a sexual abnormality or mean you are sexually deviant.
  
  
• The type of wet dreams you have does not reflect your sexual orientation.

Erotic Dreams in Normal Persons - 100 years ago [Il Sogno Erotico nell’uomo normale]. (Riv. di Psicol., January–February, 1908.) Gualino, L.

Henry Rollin, Emeritus Consultant Psychiatrist

Horton Hospital, Epsom, Surrey.

The subject of sexual activity during sleep has been touched on by various psychologists and alienists and studied in detail in a few individual cases. Gualino appears to be the first to investigate it on a larger scale, and bases his paper on the experiences of 100 persons among his acquaintances, doctors, teachers, etc. (apparently all men), to whom he addressed a series of questions. They had all had experience of the phenomenon which Gualino regards as entirely normal.

Gualino finds that erotic dreams, with emissions (whether or not seminal), began somewhat earlier than the period of physical development as ascertained by Marro for youths of the same part of northern Italy. Gualino found that all his cases had had erotic dreams at the age of seventeen; Marro found 8 per cent. of youths still sexually undeveloped at that age, and while sexual development began at thirteen years erotic dreams began at twelve. Their appearance was preceded in most cases for some months by erections. In 37 per cent. of the cases there had been no actual sexual experiences (either masturbation or intercourse); in 23 per cent. there had been masturbation; in the rest some form of sexual content. The dreams are mainly visual, tactual elements coming second, and the dramatis persona is either an unknown woman (27 per cent. cases) or only known by sight (56 per cent.), and in the majority is, at all events in the beginning, an ugly or fantastic figure, becoming more attractive later in life, but never identical with the woman loved during waking life. This, as Gualino points out, accords with the general tendency for the emotions of the day to be latent in sleep. Masturbation only formed the subject of the dream in four cases. The emotional state in the pubertal stage, apart from pleasure, was anxiety (37 per cent.), desire (17 per cent.), fear (14 per cent.). In the adult stage anxiety and fear receded to 7 per cent. and 6 per cent. respectively. Thirty-three of the subjects, as a result of sexual or general disturbances, had had nocturnal emissions without dreams; these were always found exhausting. Normally (in more than 90 per cent.), erotic dreams are the most vivid of all dreams. In no case was there knowledge of any monthly or other cyclic periodicity in the occurrence of the manifestations. In 34 per cent. of cases they tended to occur very soon after sexual intercourse. In numerous cases they were peculiarly frequent (even three in one night) during courtship, when the young man was in the habit of kissing and caressing his betrothed, but ceased after marriage. It was not noted that position in bed or a full bladder exerted any marked influence in the occurrence of erotic dreams; repletion of the seminal vesicles is regarded as the main factor.

HAVELOCK ELLIS

REFERENCES

1 Journal of Mental Science 1908; 54: 755 –6.

SEXUAL DREAMS

Dream Sex is probably one of the most complicated human activities to understand and you will come across many interpretations in books on dreams or psychology. In real life, we have sex for all sorts of different reasons. It may be used to re-affirm a bond to someone; perhaps based on need because we are afraid of losing the security we get from them. It may be for excitement, or to be dominated or to dominate. We may be driven by pure animal lust or deep spiritual love, or we may just feel it's our duty. We may even do it because secretly we like to feel exposed and vulnerable. Sometimes people do it for money. To be sure, human sex is rarely conducted with the intention of simply producing offspring, although it's always worth bearing in mind that, on a somatic level, this is its only purpose. In all these respects, dream sex is no different and so the only person who can correctly interpret the meaning of their sexual dream is the dreamer.


DO WE DREAM OF SEX WHEN WE'RE TEMPORARILY CELIBATE?

Some people might think that we will always dream of sex if we are lacking it in our everyday life. It is perhaps true that some dream sex will be what Freud termed "wish fulfilment", but in my experience this is often not the case. It may be that physical changes in the body stimulate dream sex and it would be interesting for a research study to find out whether or not dreams about sex occur more frequently during the reproductive years. So, for instance, is it likely that a woman is more prone to dream of having sex when her oestrogen levels are high? To my knowledge there haven't been any research studies done on this. It is worth noting, however, that there are indications that the reproductive hormones may, in some way, be involved in the sleep/wake cycle.

However, experiential evidence suggests there's something much deeper going on, and that perhaps we are not just dealing with the physical act of procreation or gratification. There are cases of people who are celibate, though not through choice, who rarely dream of having sex. A man may dream of being castrated if he feels he is losing his masculinity; perhaps his testosterone levels have dropped or maybe he just feels ineffectual in the presence of his wife or mother. On the other hand he may dream of having sex with his female boss to compensate for the way she makes him feel emasculated in the everyday world. Or maybe he dreams of having sex with a close friend simply because there is a platonic intimacy between them in real life.


ARE SEXUAL DREAMS REALLY ABOUT SEX?

So, as you can see, interpretation of sexual dreams is inherently difficult because it may be that the dream sex is nothing to do with sex at all; it may be a personal issue of a very different nature. For example, if I feel someone is trying to penetrate my emotional barriers, I might dream that they attempt to rape me, or perhaps lure me into a sexual encounter against my better judgement. After all, for most people, most of the time, the sex act is intimate and revealing, nothing can be hidden, and there may be consequences to us revealing ourselves in this way. Of course, sex with a stranger, whether in our dreams or in real life, needn't be like this. It can actually be an anonymous act without consequences, in which case it can be very liberating. If we dream of such an encounter, it's probably not because we're a covert nymphomaniac, it may just be that we desire more freedom in our life to express ourselves without inhibition and without being judged by others. It's also worth bearing in mind that men and women experience the act of sex differently. A woman must take the man into her own body and this can be experienced as an act of violation or a beautiful surrender, or anything in between those two extremes. For men, they are traditionally the invaders, the aggressors, the conquerors. All these associations must be explored if you are to find a satisfactory interpretation for your dream.


WHY ARE MANY LUCID DREAMS OF A SEXUAL NATURE?

Research studies show that many reported lucid dreams contain a sexual encounter. This is a very interesting observation that has not yet been satisfactorily explained.

Lucid dreams are those dreams in which we are consciously aware that we are dreaming. Stephen LaBerge, the biggest name in Lucid Dreaming, has conducted research into this aspect of lucidity. Vaginal and penile probes were attached to lucid dreamers in order to detect orgasms whilst they slept. The results showed that the women in the study reported orgasm in lucid dreams much more frequently than men did, even though men reported having more dreams about sex overall. This research was only conducted with a few subjects but all of them reported that their lucid dream sex felt exactly the same as "real sex". Sounds like an interesting way to spend the night!


WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN I DREAM OF HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME GENDER? DOES IT MEAN I'M A HOMOSEXUAL/LESBIAN?

If you are heterosexual and you dream that you are having sex with someone of the same sex, it does not usually portray homosexual desire. It may simply be that you feel spiritually attuned to that person or it could be an expression of increased self love or acceptance. If this doesn't sound right for your dream, then it may just be telling you that you need to get in touch with your feminine or masculine side.

To tease out the true meaning of your dream, ask yourself, who was my dream sex partner? How do I feel about him/her in real life? Does he/she have any qualities that I admire and would like to emulate? Have we recently had an argument or disagreement?

If you dream that you were someone of the opposite sex, or had the reproductive organs of the opposite sex, ask yourself if you need to incorporate the qualities of the opposite sex into your life. How did it feel to be a man or a woman? In which life situation do you need those qualities and in what ways can you strengthen them within yourself? Alternatively, your dream may be warning you of the dangers of allowing your masculine/femine side to dominate a certain situation or relationship.

Many dream workers believe that all dream images are parts of the self and need to be integrated and loved. So don't censor yourself because the object(s) of your desire is unacceptable to your ego. Try and identify the thought process that gave rise to the dream and bring that desire into consciousness with understanding. It is unlikely that your dreams are portraying issues of homosexuality, incest or promiscuity so try and see these activities metaphorically or symbolically, as different aspects of the individual self.

In the words of Carl Jung:

"... the dream is a symbolic representation of an unconscious content . . . Further researches . . . have shown that the sexual language of dreams is not always to be interpreted in a concretistic way - that it is, in fact, an archaic language which naturally uses all the analogies readiest to hand . . . It is therefore unjustifiable to take the sexual language of dreams literally under all circumstances, while other contents are explained as symbolic". (p51 Dreams Routledge 2006)


ANIMALS HAVING SEX

If you see animals having sex in your dream, it may be portraying a desire to be more lustful and less emotionally involved in your sexual relationships. Of course, the type of animals involved will have a bearing on the interpretation. For instance; a dream of tigers having sex will not carry the same associations as a pair of rabbits partaking of the pleasures of the flesh! Remember too, that, the dream may not directly be about sex at all. Being an observer of any dream action, rather than a participant, usually suggests that we feel a need to examine a personal issue more objectively. By removing ourselves from a situation that we find too difficult or embarrassing to deal with, we find it much easier to examine the pros and cons of the situation if it is happening to someone or something else. This is usually done in dreams because it is more acceptable to the waking (ego) consciousness.

In the event of your having this type of dream, be sure to check out the Dream Animals page, as it is likely that an understanding of the "energy" associated with the animal(s) will be very relevant to the meaning of the dream.


CONCLUSION

Physiologically, sex in dreams can cause the same reactions in the body as real life sex. Respiration increases, blood flow increases and muscles contract. So, if nothing else, a full blown sexual encounter in your dreams can be a very healthy release. But, to interpret a dream where sex was paramount, you will usually need to go beyond this and examine your own personal feelings about sex, attempting to remove any barriers or taboos you may be harbouring. You must be honest with yourself and be prepared to consider aspects of your life and your sexuality that, on the surface, you may not think has much relevance. Sexual encounters speak of an intimacy that is hard to experience in any other area of our life. Remember, dreams use metaphor and all our human activities are fair game for inclusion in a dream story, including sex. If we dream we are raped, we need to examine who or what was violating us and attempt, on a conscious level, to relate this to our waking life. We need to ask, in what life situation are we feeling that something is being done to us without our consent? What in our life is causing us to feel such disempowerment / violation / trauma? Who or what is using us for their own gratification without considering our feelings? The answers to these questions will always uncover a real life situation that gave rise to the dream. Similarly, if we dream about consenting sex we need to ask why we are having sex? Who are we having sex with? Is our dreaming self enjoying it? What purpose is it serving? What metaphorical associations can you make? The answers you get will not necessarily be the ones your ego is expecting to hear.

Copyright J C Harthan (2006)

Orgasm during sleep

Sometimes you don't need to wait for orgasm to occur, as it happens absolutely involuntarily – during sleep. What is nocturnal emission? Why do some people experience orgasm during sleep? And what are differences between men and women in this phenomenon?


While you were sleeping...

Orgasm during sleep, also referred to as "nocturnal emission", "nocturnal sex dreams", "nocturnal orgasm" and "wet dreams" is described as sexual release that is observed after awakening. In men the fact of nocturnal orgasm is more evident as it is accompanied by ejaculation.

Orgasm during sleep is considered to be quite common sexual experience. First, nocturnal orgasm in women was mistakenly regarded a sign of neurotic disorder, but later this fact was disproved. Another interesting suggestion in respect to orgasm during sleep was that it is a mechanism compensating for a lack of sexual activity. However, there was no evidence to support this fact too.


How does orgasm during sleep occur?

It was discovered that spontaneous orgasm during sleep was in most cases a result of sexual dreams, especially when speaking of males. These dreams often have a "taste of forbidden", where a sleeping person often has sexual intercourse in situations that seem unacceptable during conscious state. For example, people have sex dreams when they engage in group sex or sex with their relatives. The occurrence of such dreams is explained by the fact that in unconscious state during sleep our conscious control weakens giving way to our deep sexual urges.


Orgasm during sleep - fast facts:

• Many women achieve orgasm much faster during sleep than during a conscious state.
• It is not surprising that men and women have orgasms during sleep as sexual arousal does not sleep. Men can have up to six erections during an eight-hour sleep and women's genitals get lubricated almost with the same frequency.
• There is no evidence to prove that nocturnal orgasm is peculiar to particular age group. Though according to Kinsey research, men report the most nocturnal orgasms during their teenage and early 20's. Women have wet dreams more frequently during their 40s.
• Interesting enough, the same Kinsey research showed that for women number of nocturnal orgasms increased if they had more "conscious" orgasms.
• Around 90% of men and less than 40% of women said they had orgasm during sleep.
• Some people will have nocturnal orgasms during their lifetime while others start experiencing them at particular age.

Do men really have more orgasms during sleep?

Though all the findings regarding nocturnal orgasms show that men experience orgasm during sleep more frequently, this difference can be more due to the difficulty monitoring female orgasm during the sleep.

1. Anatomical differences may predispose men to have more orgasms as any unconscious movements can easier stimulate male genitals then female one's as they are not so exposed to stimulation.
2. Men are more aware of their nocturnal orgasms as they ejaculate during sleep while women cannot say exactly if they experienced orgasm or not.

When the penis becomes rigid and elevated, it is called an erection. Erections occur in males prior to birth, during childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Although erections occur during sexual excitement or fantasy, they may occur during sleep. Sometimes in adolescents an erection may occur spontaneously without any obvious reason.

The penis has three cylindrical bodies of tissue called the corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum that produce an erection when the tissues are filled with blood. These tissues are sponge like and consist of compartments that are interspersed with many blood vessels. When the blood vessels are dilated, the compartments fill with blood. The penis enlarges in length and width, becomes rigid and assumes a position that is elevated compared to its flaccid, soft or resting state. Thinking sexy thoughts produces nerve impulses from the brain that initiates the erection through a complicated series of nerve pathways.

Erections in adolescents may occur from lifting heavy loads and healthy adolescents usually have sleep related erections every night. Often these erections are associated with dreams or rapid eye movement (REM) sleep; teens may have as little as two erections or up to six erections each night. Sexual activity seems to have no significant effect on the number of nightly erections. It is usual for teen males to awaken with an erection in the morning. This is usually due to the stimulation of a full bladder. Some authors suggest that large amounts of seminal fluids may also cause erections in the sleeping or awakened adolescent.

Of course, the most common cause of erection in the adolescent male is sexual stimulation. According to Kinsey, a famous researcher of the human sexual response, a male’s first response to sexual stimulation is penile erection. Many adolescent males only need minimal sexual stimulation or sexual fantasy to achieve erection. After ejaculation, males lose their erection and there is a variable period of time before they can achieve another erection.

Erections that are prolonged due to disease may be painful. Termed priapism, this may be seen in males with sickle cell anemia. Males who cannot have erections may be impotent. Most teen males who cannot achieve erections do not have a disease process causing this problem. Rather, there may be a psychological barrier that is interfering with the capability to have an erection. Although it is unusual for male adolescents to require medication to achieve an erection, there may be circumstances where medication is indicated.

Virtually all males have experienced wet dreams or nocturnal emission. During puberty, sex hormones cause the testicles to produce sperm, and organs such as the prostate and seminal vesicles also produce other fluids that compose semen. Occasionally when these fluids build up in the body, a teen male will develop an erection during sleep followed by ejaculation or release of the semen. When this occurs during sleep, it is termed nocturnal emission. Some males may have romantic or sexy dreams when the emission occurs and others may not recall the dream. Although most males experience nocturnal emissions, some have them as frequently as a few times per week and some may have only one or two nocturnal emissions during their lifetime.

Nocturnal emissions will decrease or stop entirely when a male has ejaculation either through masturbation or sex with a partner. Wet dreams are a normal and expected experience of adolescence.