Hands Off

[AndrewO]

Edging today: Yes
Wet Dream: No
Days MB-Free: 2
Last time MB: 6/28
Record no MB: 22 days

I am on the quest for a physical and mental reset of my sexual behavior. I am attempting this reset by abstaining from conscious physical arousal. I'd like to let my body do what it was designed to do: naturally release semen. If this means that I'll have wet dreams, then so be it. If this means that I'll be having more spontaneous emissions, so be it.

There are several avenues of thinking that I have traveled (and continue to frequent) as I have considered this reset. I have embarked on this journey with two friends of mine. (To preserve their anonymity, I will reference them sequentially according to the alphabetical placement of their last name's first letter: Friend 1 (F1) and friend 2 (F2).) Our biggest hurdle has been the cessation of masturbation altogether. F1 had the idea of imposing a punishment after each time he would masturbate. He saw fit to have his punishment be a day without food. If he masturbated, he would not be allowed to eat food from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. the following day. F2 and I tried this system of punishment as well. It worked for a while. Then we thought that the punishment would be worse (or better, depending on the view) if the other two wouldn't be allowed to eat the following day if the third were to masturbate. So far, this kept me from masturbating for 22 days. It also worked for F1 for 20 days.

I have experienced both sides of the punishment: not being able to eat and being "that guy". The latter is horrible. When I told F1 that he wasn't allowed to eat the next day I was very humbled. I realized that I cannot be trusted when I am at my best. At 21 days I began to think, "I've got this." This was not true.

We three understand that our strategy requires several elements that some people may not be familiar with. One element is justice: we keep our word. When we agreed that we would not eat if another masturbated we stay true to our word and do not eat food for the 13 hours the following day. Another element is love: we each care deeply for the others and desire that we all achieve this reset. Our goal is to present a "clean" body to our future wives if and when we marry.

Another avenue of thought concerns the nature of why I'm really doing this. I sometimes will think that I deserve wet dreams because I'm not masturbating. Other times, I think that I will be content with whatever happens. I believe that C.S. Lewis was right in saying that our "[sexual] appetite is in ludicrous and preposterous excess of its function." My own sexual appetite has grown exceedingly because of my many years of masturbating and indulgence. Because of this, my journey is very difficult. There has been a habit of feeling the sexual urge and then fulfilling this urge by masturbating. I am in the process of deconstructing this habitual pattern of behavior. Admittedly, the onset of consistent wet dreams would be fulfilling for me, but I am focused on the essential aspect of changing my behavior.

I am not at all, though, opposed to experiencing the wonderful pleasure of an orgasm during my sleep. I welcome this eagerly.

[masanopat]

Good luck! The key to success as with any other venture is to keep focus and firm with your pledge. Hope to hear your WD story soon

[Ronald]

Welcome and good luck!

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 3
Last time MB: 6/28
Record no MB: 22 days

Masonopat and Ronald, thanks for the welcome and the encouragement.

The other night I stopped dreaming right before a wet dream. I was walking around with a dog and it turned into a beautiful tanned woman with straight black hair about shoulder length. She was wearing a black bra and black underwear. She leaned into my chest with her back and I was massaging her chest, stomach and breasts. As I was massaging her right breast and enjoying looking at her neck lightly veiled by her hair she said, "It's nice, isn't it?" I said, "Yes it is." I felt myself coming close to ejaculation and I said, "I gotta stop. I gotta stop or I'm gonna go." She moved away from me and I told myself, "Andrew, it's okay. It's a dream and it's okay." I started waking up and realized that I had some precum seeping out. I tried to get back into the dream but couldn't. I laid there for a bit and then went back to bed. Two days later, I masturbated. That's as close as I can come to writing a wet dream story, Masanopat. Sorry.

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: Yes
Edging: Yes
Days MB-Free: 1
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

Edging is bad for Andrew. Edging leads to a clouded mind where thoughts of the present reign and thoughts of the future never have the floor. It was edging that lead to my masturbating. My friends have yet to have their day of no eating because I masturbated the day before our trip to F1's cabin where his family was present. We decided that having them not eat during the trip would be bad. The punishment would be postponed and would also be more severe because of this exception. I masturbated again yesterday but have not disclosed this to my friends and I don't think that I am going to. It feels weird to be transparent about my concealing a matter.

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: Yes
Days MB-Free: 7
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

I finally told F1 that I had masturbated the other day. It was scary because I lied to him. He asked me directly if I had masturbated and I said, "No." I don't like being lied to and I don't like the feeling of knowing that I've lied to one of my best friends. He forgave me and we moved on. The punishment is yet to be given, but I know that this will only help me. Discipline is a great thing.

I'm also quitting smoking. I'm on the gum and it's working well. I really wanted to smoke the other day, had the opportunity to, and F1 flooded my ears with the truth which combated the emotions and addiction feelings. I didn't smoke and I'm grateful that I didn't.

I had a spontaneous ejaculation the other day; two or three of them. It happened when I was wiping after pooping. Then, in the same way, it happened again the next day. It was a surprise. It wasn't a lot of semen, but way more than precum; it was thick, too.

No wet dreams, yet. My mind hasn't been thinking a lot of sexual thoughts throughout the day which may be affecting the absence of the wet dreams.

I edged last night and this morning. I hadn't done anything for the past week because I was at camp and didn't have a lot of time to myself. I got home and that was almost the first thing I did after work. Wait, no. It was during the night. I woke up at 1 or so and I scratched my butt and that aroused me a little. I woke up and went into the other room and edged for a little bit but stopped short of an orgasm.

-Andrew

[AndrewO]

F1 had a wet dream last night. It was his 17th day of abstinence. The dream had him masturbating and he did it twice in the dream. He woke up to a "huge mess, obviously" and that's that. I'm very pleased that he doesn't feel bad about it and I'm happy that he's had a wet dream.

I am a little jealous, though. I want a release very badly. Today has been the worst in terms of being horny. It's almost all I can think about. Did a little more edging...bad stuff (had a little cum). No orgasm though. Maybe tonight will be little wet!

-Andrew

[Jkwdoc]

I had a spontaneous ejaculation the other day; two or three of them. It happened when I was wiping after pooping. Then, in the same way, it happened again the next day. It was a surprise. It wasn't a lot of semen, but way more than precum; it was thick, too.

Very common during AB. There's a thread in General about this.

I edged last night and this morning.

A number of people have reported edging as being a dangerous behavior for them, as you noted above. It's more an exercise in will power than anything else. When you edge and have a non-orgasmic ejaculate, you're removing some of the physiological input that your body tells your brain that it needs. I would try not edging quite so far...I know it's difficult.

Keep up the good fight! Good luck to you.

[AndrewO]

When you edge and have a non-orgasmic ejaculate, you're removing some of the physiological input that your body tells your brain that it needs. I would try not edging quite so far...I know it's difficult.

I don't yet understand the "physiological input" you're talking about. However, I'm researching a little as I'm writing this. I'm probably not going to delete any of this if I come upon an answer while I'm researching either. I enjoy when life gets written out like this; I'll type slowly so it'll be syncopated with my researching.*

Well, I tried to get a good definition and I just can't seem to place it. Are you suggesting that I'm removing the fluid which is the physiological input? Why is this a physiological input?

-Andrew

*Hopefully this got a slight smirk from the readers

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: Yes
Days MB-Free: 8
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

Did some edging the other night. I work 40 hours from Friday to Sunday and my days and nights get a little blurred during this time; I think it was the other night. I don't remember edging last night? I really can’t remember, but I’ll say that I did because I’ve been doing it frequently enough anyhow.

Oh yeah! It was a quick prostrate massage that I tried. I’ve been reading about it and I tried that last night. Not really sure if I found it, but the gentle massage gave me a weird feeling of having to urinate and of being somewhat aroused.

I slept (this a generous description) naked last night. I did not get very much sleep. I also knew that a friend was going to be coming over during the night (F1 worked the graveyard) and would be in and out of my house. I was worried that the sheets might not be covering me and so it was difficult to get to sleep and remain sleeping. I think I am going to continue to sleep naked for a while. I have slept in Life jockey men’s bikini briefs for years and so I’m used to wearing the absolute minimum amount of clothing. However, the reason I wear these underwear is because I really like them. They keep everything very close to my body and leave no room for anything to wiggle out of place. The loose feeling is the complete opposite and might take a little getting used to. My current housemate is a self-proclaimed homophobe (I’m not gay, but anything that has two guys (heterosexual or otherwise) being relationally intimate gets him all in a frenzy) and gets very awkward when any conversation gets remotely sexual. I once mentioned that “I almost had a wet dream the othe…” and he interrupts me saying, “Whoa! Whoa! T. M. I.! Whoa!” I laughed a bit and thought it strange that he hadn’t overcome the awkwardness yet, given his age. Either way, he knows that I’m not shy at all about my body, and sleeping naked with him in the house isn’t an issue at all. In fact, I shower with the door open (I don’t like the steam on the mirror, and I need the accountability) and with a clear shower curtain. Anyway, I might end up liking the naked sleeping attire and continue this after I get two new housemates relatively soon.

I watched a video online about a person’s brain on internet porn. It was incredible to learn that, although I thought my masturbation addiction was severe, there are several people who have lived in far worse addictions than my own. The video gave me a lot of information that really helped me to see what the real situation is concerning my drive and cravings and horniness. I now understand that the craving is just a desire to get the dopamine and other neurotransmitters to bounce around in my brain. The most encouraging aspect was learning that my brain can heal from the damage that has been caused by my masturbation and fantasy. I’ve created several “ruts” that were travelled so frequently that I lost a few of my dopamine receptors because the thrill just wasn’t enough. My tolerance rose and I needed more stimulation to get myself the dopamine my brain wanted.

The process of rewiring my pathways and of growing my receptors will just take time. The cravings come and go; knowing this gives me a lot of confidence to face the next surge of the urge to cum. It has been the same with my cessation of cigarettes. I’m quitting these two things at the same time. F1 has noticed my increased irritability and has given me plenty of grace through this process.

I have been feeling more confident and assertive lately. Is this the T-buzz? I remember feeling that I should hold back on my comments to certain things, but the restraint isn’t finding any room to make its home anymore. I don’t have to walk on eggshells in order to keep the peace within (issues of insecurity) because I’m just more confident about my position with my various relationships. I know that I can assert myself with F1 and F2 without fearing damaging the relationship. I feel more able to think of what I want to do and feel like I’m just going to do it because I want to and because I can. I think this is the T-buzz.
Had some joint pain today that felt like the flu. Did a little research with F1 and found out that these are common among people who quit smoking. I had been out in the woods recently and feared that I might have a deer tick somewhere on my body. The pain has subsided (I finally am chewing a piece of nicotine gum) and I no longer fear the deer tick.

-Andrew

[Jkwdoc]

When you edge and have a non-orgasmic ejaculate, you're removing some of the physiological input that your body tells your brain that it needs. I would try not edging quite so far...I know it's difficult.

I don't yet understand the "physiological input" you're talking about. However, I'm researching a little as I'm writing this. I'm probably not going to delete any of this if I come upon an answer while I'm researching either. I enjoy when life gets written out like this; I'll type slowly so it'll be syncopated with my researching.*

Well, I tried to get a good definition and I just can't seem to place it. Are you suggesting that I'm removing the fluid which is the physiological input? Why is this a physiological input?

-Andrew

*Hopefully this got a slight smirk from the readers

One of the core beliefs around the cause of WDs is the body's need to release seminal fluid from both the epididymis, as well as the prostate. This is one of the reasons we AB. If you stimulate yourself so far while edging that you release some of this fluid, you're alleviating the need for the body to trick itself into causing an orgasm so that it can dump its current supply of seminal fluid.

A WD is partly physiological, and partly psychological. Both have to be in place for the "perfect storm" to occur. The physiological input from your body is, at least in part, the built-up seminal fluid that needs to be released.

[AndrewO]

That makes sense. You explained it really well. I was trying really hard to get the meaning from the dictionaries online to no avail. What you said makes sense; thanks.

What do you think about the T-Buzz? I have a theory that might just seem to fit.

I think that if the body isn't releasing the fluid there is an increase in testosterone. The increased levels of testosterone will give the man the umph needed to get a girl so he can release the fluid. This theory is semi-evolutionary based (which is not my personal philosophy) and would make sense if the body (the person) never decided to release on his own. I got this idea from watching several videos online about the no fap fad and other related issues with porn, specifically.

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 12
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

Edging in the last few days has been close to resetting the counter. Having friends who are relying on my abstinence helps in staying abstinent. F1 is going on a date tomorrow and would like to eat; this helps me to take quicker showers (like tonight). Today was rough. I wasn't allowed to eat because F1's edging went to far yesterday and he ended up having an orgasm. I just got a text from F2 saying that he almost lost it as well because of edging. Two days in a row of not eating would have been pretty bad.

I'm still waiting for my punishment to be dished out to F1 and F2. I've three offenses: 1) Delaying the punishment for my masturbation due to family affairs, 2) Masturbating a few days later, and 3) Lying about the second time I masturbated. It won't be fun for them (that's the point) but it'll me good to get this dealt with soon.

I'm almost at two weeks and I am comfortable with that. I remember it taking an arm and a leg to get a week under my belt. I definitely see progress in myself and I like what I'm experiencing altogether. I've marked on my calendar when I'll hit my 30 days of no masturbating. I did this because I'll forget it otherwise and be more inclined to not consider how close I am to my goals.

Still sleeping naked. Waiting for a wet dream. Had a full body massage today. My upper back and neck have been giving me issues these last two days and I thought it a good idea to treat myself to a relaxing massage. Maybe this will come out in dreams tonight? I remember her hands getting close to some erogenous zones and then getting frustrated for not going into them and sparking a reaction in me. On the other hand, I'm very glad for the exceptionally professional atmosphere that this massage company has in place.

-Andrew

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: Yes
Days MB-Free: 14
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

Edging today was pretty close a couple times. Knowing that F2 needed to eat this weekend helped me not to cross the line. This edging elevated my horniness and I'm hoping for some release soon.

I've been thinking about getting myself a gift at 30 days and 60 days and 90 days. I've got these marked out on my calendar and am thinking that a little motivation such as a gift would help. I'd end up thinking, "Do I want to masturbate, or do I want an iPad?" I'm not set on an iPad, but it's an example of what I'd be thinking.

Not much else to report. Maybe I'll have something to report in the morning. Sleeping at F1's house again. Last time I did this I had a half-wet dream. Maybe I'll finish it off this night. We'll see.

-Andrew

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 19
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

It's been difficult but I'm glad I'm back nearing the twenties. My friends and I have agreed to include edging as a punishable offense. If one of us edges, the other two can't eat for the first 5 hours after they wake up. I'm going to keep calm and not get too crazy about my success. That's what lead to my lapse last time.

It's a lot easier for me to get turned on by women, I've noticed. A little bit of skin is enough. Before, it would take skin, posture, facial expressions, etc. this is nice.

I had half a wet dream the other night. I was edging in the dream and I told myself to stop. Sucks, but I guess it's cool that my unconscious self still doesn't want to edge. I guess that's nice.

Thanks for reading,

-Andrew

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 22
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 22 days

I'm back at my best! Tomorrow will be my best record. A little horny today. I have been reading psychology stuff pertaining to psychoanalysis and some of it is sexual in nature; this might be the reason why. The urge and desire to ejaculate is very strong lately. I had a few almost-wet dreams. Still can't release myself to do it in the dreams though.

Thanks for reading.

-Andrew

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 23
Last time MB: 7/6
Record no MB: 23 days

Today has been decent. I have been busy all day and have not had any down time. I did a few Kegel exercises and I got to a point of releasing a little bit of semen. I didn't consider this edging because I was just trying to maintain an erection for the exercises.

The desire and craving to ejaculate is building a lot. I didn't think anything bad (in terms of trying to stop the small ejaculation with the exercises) at all and think that this might help to influence my ability to be OK with having an orgasm in my dreams whenever they get to the point of the climax. Typically, I'll tell myself, in the dream, that I am not supposed to have an orgasm and so if the dream has me doing anything related to self-stimulation I will usually stop short of having an orgasm. Sometimes I wake up from these dreams but I do know that I don't go all the way through with it in the dreams. I hope that my mentality can change so that I don't fear having an orgasm in my dreams. I'm trying to stay abstinent and this might be hindering my ability to release at night.

Thanks for reading! I'm at 23 days!!!!!!

-Andrew

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: Yes
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 10
Last time MB: 7/30
Record no MB: 23 days

I had a wet dream five days after masturbating. I was up north with some friends and I had a wet dream out in the wild! It was really a great feeling to know that my body can still have them. Don't remember much about the dream. I remember waking up in the middle of the orgasm and I just let my body do what it wanted to do. It was great!

Thanks for reading.

-Andrew

[Ronald]

Congratulations!

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: No
Edging: No
Days MB-Free: 17
Last time MB: 7/30
Record no MB: 23 days

Still waiting for another wet dream. A little messing around last couple days. Not totally edging. All three of us are now living together (F1 and F2 and I). Should be good having them around a lot more.

It gets easier and easier to reach certain thresholds than I thought it would be. One week is easy.

[AndrewO]

Wet dream: No
MB: Yes
Edging: Yes
Days MB-Free: 1
Last time MB: 8/18
Record no MB: 23 days

Almost on the verge of self-contempt. I really don't want to go there. I've been doing so well and I want to remain in a positive place emotionally. I think that I masturbated because I had been doing some minor edging the last couple of days which brought me to a heightened arousal. I basically made the desires and urges worse because of my edging.

So, I am satisfied with the 19 days that I abstained. It does cause me grief that my two best friends won't be eating food tomorrow. It's a little worse than before because I'll have to see them all day (we three live together).

I really need to just keep my hands off.

Thanks for reading.

-Andrew