Viktor's Log

[iroselyem]

Oh, man, you're making me nervous about not having a WD. I'm on Day 8 (I think), and that seems like a long time for me. Good flows to you.

I was wondering if maybe the amount you normally ejaculate might be contributing to it. If one doesn't usually produce much PC or semen, then maybe it takes longer (in addition to other things). Do you usually come a lot? I do, and it hasn't usually taken me long to have a WD--although mine have always been lame.

[Viktor]

Day 43, No wet dream

Mental State: I'm doing good, but I'm a bit more stressed out than I usual

Dream Content: I had a dream that I was in class and I tricked the teacher into teaching something that was already taught so that I wouldn't have to take a test. I've been having a lot of dreams about learning in classes, it's strange...

Also I'm starting to feel like there is something I'm not doing that would increase my chance of having a wet dream. It's frustrating because this isn't an absolute science, I'm not really sure what I should do or what I'm going to do. I'm just really frustrated about this.

[Viktor]

Oh, man, you're making me nervous about not having a WD. I'm on Day 8 (I think), and that seems like a long time for me. Good flows to you.

I was wondering if maybe the amount you normally ejaculate might be contributing to it. If one doesn't usually produce much PC or semen, then maybe it takes longer (in addition to other things). Do you usually come a lot? I do, and it hasn't usually taken me long to have a WD--although mine have always been lame.

Prior to this I ejaculated about once a day for 15 years. I think you have the edge on me however because you've had wet dreams before. I'm not even 100% sure I'm capable of this... Or perhaps I'm not doing or thinking about certain things that would increase my chances. I've no idea, but I'm going to keep at it in the hopes of perhaps one night experiencing this.

[Viktor]

Day 44, No wet dream

Mental State: Excited, hung over, confident, not really horny at all

Dream Content: So in my dream I was walking to a fridge to get some free soda. Then I was walking in some backwoods area with one other person who I don't remember much about. We were then attacked by a farmer who had a big crane like machine but instead of a wrecking ball there was a flat rectangular thing with a small hole in the middle and clamps around the outer edges, that could easily grab a person and crush them. He asked us some questions while literally hovering the rectangle of doom over us and getting it closer and closer. The hole in the middle shot out a retractable needle, so ya it was pretty terrifying. Anyways he asked us a question about using rubber trees to make rubber, and the guy with me answered it. Then we ran further into the woods.

As we were running we ran into a few dogs and their owners on the path in the woods. Their daughter was a hot Asian chick, and immediately I knew I wanted to have sex with her. I'm not sure if it was because of me immediately thinking that or what, but the next thing I knew we were having sex. This may only be the second or third time in my life when I've actually had a dream that involved penetration. Anyhow it felt really good, but I didn't finish. So ya woke up shortly after that part.

I'm not really all that disappointed that I didn't actually have an orgasm or ejaculate simply because it was such a vivid and amazing sex dream (of which I've had almost none). I feel rejuvenated to continue this abstinence, it's the little gifts that my mind keeps giving me that intrigue and keep me moving forward.

EDIT: It's also been feeling really pleasurable when I do a full body stretch while laying down. It's like gives me a momentary urge to urinate afterwards (like 2 seconds long), but it also has a really good almost orgasm like quality. It's strange and fun, it's also been like this for like 2 weeks, I just never mentioned it.

EDIT: Quit smoking... again at 10pm tonight

[Viktor]

Day 45, No wet dream

Mental State: Pretty much the same as usual. Not really all that horny, but I'm definitely aware of my needs not being met and so forth.

Dream Content: Can't remember

I'm just really surprised that I haven't ejaculated in 45 days.

Mental State overall changes: I have noticed that I'm far more outgoing though. I have basically no problems talking to women that I've never met. My confidence is through the roof, and it has been for quite a while now. If I stay feeling like this I almost don't ever want to masturbate myself into tranquility again.

With this increased confidence I did make an ass of myself once, and since that occurrence I've been more mindful and deliberate. I haven't allowed another slip up since then, and I plan on remaining fully in control while reaping the social benefits. Still it's worth stating that with more confidence comes a chance that you may say things that you normally would not, and my advice is be careful.

EDIT: Made it 24 hours without smoking now... huzzha!!!

[Viktor]

Day 46, No wet dream

Mental State: Perhaps a bit more motivated, but pretty much the same as yesterday


Dream Content: I had a ton of different dreams last night. I can only really remember parts from 4 of them, but I kept waking up extremely horny and covered in sweat only to go back to sleep and have another dream.

1: I was out spelunking with a friend of mine. We made it into the cave and there was a tiny hole we had to crawl through. I declined saying that I've had too many nightmares where I get stuck in a tiny hole, and I left.

2: I was fighting some kind of evil person in the desert and both of us split into multiple personality parts (like good & evil but a bit more complex). Anyways I was in control of my good side, and I lost the fight, but both my parts survived. Then I remember we made it to a desert city, where I slept in some shade for a bit. Then I was thirsty so I went over to the area to get water but it turned out to just be a place to pray for rain. I simply walked into it, and it started pouring. All the children around started cheering and exclaiming that they'd never seen so much water. This particular dream ended with my other part begging me to recombine, but me declining even though it seemed like my other half was dying.

3: I was out in a lake or body of water swimming somewhat near the shore, and something started chasing me. I swam for a bit, but don't remember much of what happened from there.

4: I had a dream that I had cows in my bedroom and they were pooping everywhere.... not really sure what that has to do with anything but it was a strange dream.

EDIT: So now that I'm 24+ hours into quitting smoking I am feeling anxious. Anyhow I had 4+ dreams last night which were pretty bizarre and vivid. I think I'm going to use the idea of quitting smoking causing more vivid dreams combined with my goal for a wet dream to help me continue my non-smoking ways... There is no way I'll fail my abstinence, but I've failed trying to quit smoking many times. I think the longest I ever went for was about 9 months. Just gotta keep control. I know this isn't an anti-smoking site, but this time I really feel like I'm going to make it.

Here's an article about the effects on serotonin and neurons with quitting smoking as associated with dreams:
http://www.stopsmoking.org.uk/content/t ... ained.aspx

[Caged]

Dream Content: In my first dream I was saving a chick, and we were hiding out. The only food we had were fruit roll ups from me, and her breast milk.

Funniest thing I have read all day. Good luck Viktor, it looks like you are putting a lot of effort into this and I hope it pays off for you. You're probably at a point where you could randomly get a WD any night.

[Viktor]

Funniest thing I have read all day. Good luck Viktor, it looks like you are putting a lot of effort into this and I hope it pays off for you. You're probably at a point where you could randomly get a WD any night.

Lol ya my dreams can be interesting to say the least... I like them

P.S. Is there anything better than fruit roll ups & breast milk?

[Viktor]

Day 47, No Wet Dream
2+ days without smoking

Mental State: I feel like it's hard to differentiate the anxiety from not masturbating and the anxiety from quitting smoking. They kind of meld into one, which is perfectly fine because frankly it's nothing I can't handle (which is surprising). It's actually kind of optimal because I've gotten used to the anxiety from not masturbating, so the anxiety from not smoking melding into that feels normal and familiar. I know that it takes 72 hours to clear all the nicotine from the body, so tonight at 10pm I will officially be at that point.

Update on mental state: Wow I'm really anxious and horny. It's very difficult for me to concentrate. Staying strong with both the abstinence and quitting smoking, but it feels like a relapse of the first week when I initially quit masturbating. I know it's because of the withdrawal from smoking, and I find it interesting that our minds don't have more tricks to make us do things than this. I'm going to overcome.

Dream Content: My dreams were very delusional and not all that vivid, which I wasn't expecting. I thought I would have another run like yesterday where I remember everything. Anyways it's very disappointing.

Update: I was really really tired so I grabbed a 2 hour nap: I had a dream with a flying car that went into space where I went to a party and I specifically remember cigarette butts all over the floor and scrambling to clean them up. Hurray for first cigarette associated dream in a long time. When I quit before I had these smoking related dreams as well, just seems to be a trend.

[Viktor]

Just for the record I tried quitting smoking twice in this abstinence period and failed both times due to me finding cigarettes or just plain not really wanting to quit. Both times I failed within 24 hours.

This is interesting because my first 2 abstinence attempts (prior to me being on the site), I also failed within 24 hours.

I am now on my third abstinence attempt and have made it 47 days, and I'm also on my third quit smoking attempt and have made it almost 72 hours now. I'm much more serious about quitting smoking this time, and I will let you know the second I fail as well as keep track of the number of days I've been free of smoking.

Just felt like I should make this post to clear some stuff up.

[Muz]

Your doing a great thing to quit smoking! (In my opinion). And as you keep trying, the longer you'll go without them. Never feel discouraged

72 hours! Your going great keep it up

[Viktor]

Day 48, No Wet Dream
3+ Days without smoking

Mental State: Surprisingly I'm not really feeling the withdrawal from smoking very much. I'm also not thinking about it that much either. I'm pretty much the same as I've been for a while.

Update: I'm incredibly anxious to the point of almost hyperventilation. It's probably not a good idea to deprive my body of two things I was addicted to at once, but I'm not going to fail. I refuse.... I just need to go for a run, and get this energy out. Supposedly the third day is the worst so I'll be alright once it passes.

Update 2: I think it was just a craving, but that was the worst one that I've had so far. I will overcome.

Dream Content: Had an amazing dream. The kind where you meet a hot chick, basically fall for her and then wake up and realize none of it was real. So ya some kind of zombie apocalypse was happening, me and a few friends ran outside and got picked up by a party bus. The bus had more people in it and we were dropped off at a large house. We did an initial sweep cleared the area as safe and locked down the building. The I was sitting next to a chick that was coming onto me. I was sitting in a chair with my arms down at my sides and she grabbed one of my hands and basically just stroked it and smiled. We got closer from there laying together, and since it was a dream none of this felt awkward it was all perfect. Then I realized there was a giant zombie horde coming so I went to make sure everything was locked down. Then I woke up without even getting any further with this made up chick. It's to bad too, because I had an actual emotional connection with her. It probably would have been a wet dream if we would have had sex.

[Viktor]

Day 49, No Wet Dream
4+ days without smoking

(To sum it up my mind set is conflicted)
Mental State: I have to assume that quitting smoking has a lot to do with the recent changes, but it could just be a relapse of previous states. Anyhow I've been having serious concentration issues, all I can think about is sex a lot of the time. Not to mention I've been feeling like a dog in heat. I guess a better way to explain it is when you're masturbating or having sex as the sexual tension builds you seem to become less inhibited. That is you might tell yourself "I wouldn't mind having a 3 some with 2 guys", or "I'm going to call so & so and just ask her if she wants to have sex". Then once you ejaculate that veil is lifted, and you are almost disgusted with yourself for thinking such things and lose 100% intent on doing them. Well I feel like that veil of sexual excitement is slightly over my eyes causing me to do things I wouldn't normally consider to a certain extent.

On the flip side I also found more reasons to reinforce my abstinence. I used to smoke after masturbating or sometimes after having sex if it wasn't offensive to the female involved. So if I do masturbate then I most likely will also lose my progress with quitting smoking. So it appears as if I've added another layer of inspiration to stick to my abstinence. Still I feel like I almost need that new layer just to make it through nights like last night (which was horrible)... I just hope that if/when I do finally have a wet dream that it brings my mind at least momentary clarity, as it is difficult for me to remember what it feels like to have that mindset anymore.

Another thing to add is that I really like the social aspects of quitting masturbation. I find myself more actively pursuing women. I'm definitely more aggressive, and I feel more attractive as well. Still now it's been almost 49 days of this, and it would feel like a waste to have sex at this point. I know that in my initial statement I said I would drop the experiment if sex appeared, and I still hold to that. However, I've had chances already to have sex with not optimally attractive women (I could just feel they were into me through the way they looked at me and talked with me... although i could be wrong). but I feel like if I'm going to lose my streak of days it will have to be to someone I really want to have sex with. So in a way I guess I am going against the construct of my own experiment, and I'm not really sure how to feel about that.

Dream Content: I remember letting someone use my computer but realizing I had bookmarks that were condemning to me. Like bookmarks to pornographic websites. So I rushed in before they could use the computer and frantically deleted them. I'm pretty sure there was more to the dream, but I don't remember it.

[Viktor]

Day 50, No Wet Dream
5+ Days without smoking

Mental State: I go through various phases of horniness. My libido did not drop off after one month, but it is much easier than the first couple weeks. Anyhow I'm feeling good so no complaints.

Dream Content: I can't remember


Short term goal of 50 days met!!!
New Short term goal of 65 days set (once I meet it I will only have 300 days left in the experiment).

[Viktor]

Day 51, No wet dream
0+ days without smoking (Someone gave me a cigarette at a bar, and I failed because of that. It was one cigarette and I'm not going to run out and buy anything. Just a hickup gonna get back on the horse and rock it up.)

Mental State: Hungover like crazy. Difficulty thinking and such, basic hangover symptoms.

Dream Content: All I remember is that there was a tube of tennis balls in my dream... that's all I can remember hahahah

Edit: So for the first time ever I noticed that some prostate fluid was secreted during a really tough bowel movement. I really wish it wouldn't have happened, I'm going to try not to strain so hard anymore. There was no orgasm or anything, I wouldn't call it spontaneous either so it is what it is. (sigh)

[Viktor]

Day 52, No Wet Dream
1 Day without smoking

Mental Status: Feeling good & clear. Not really all that horny.

Dream Content: I had a dream that I was walking the street and I found a good deal on money which I thought to myself "I have to return this to whoever lost it". Then I was at a stoplight and for some reason I air tasered what I thought at the time to be a police officer. The guy I tasered then brought me over to a car, and it turned out he was just part of a street gang. They tried to intimidate me, so I simply ran away heading towards my house. I made it all the way to my house and they were still following me so I stopped turned around and slammed the leader in the face with a punch knocking him down. Then I noticed a neighbor was outside so I asked for them to call the police if anything happened. Then I proceeded to lecture the gang about why they should not mess with me or things were going to get extremely bad.

It was a really strange dream because I literally stood up to like 8 guys and thought I had a fighting chance (which I did because it was a dream thankfully). I woke up from it covered in sweat which isn't normal for me, then I fell back asleep for a few more hours and don't remember the dream from that.

EDIT: I took an nap that lasted a couple of hours. Anyhow it started off with me very confused and kind of drunkenly stumbling around. Eventually I realized that I was asleep and I was in a courtyard with bleachers rising up at this point. Some people were jumping off statues into a large fountain that filled almost the entire middle potion of the courtyard. Anyhow I decided to test out my new found lucidity. So I spawned a great white shark in the fountain, and for some reason it turned out having wings but was still confined to the fountain. So now that I had proven to myself that I was 100% for sure asleep I decided instantly that it was time for sex. There were hundreds of people around me on the bleachers, and as soon as I thought that every single one of them put their heads down and started chanting unintelligibly. This scared the shit out of me, and I thought "ohh fuck I've fucked up now", so I forced myself awake instead of continuing on. A cool dream, but damnit I just want a wet dream already.

[Viktor]

Day 53, No Wet Dream
2 Days without Smoking

Mental Status: I was incredibly horny when I went to bed last night, I couldn't take my mind off things that turn me on and I barely got to sleep because of it. I kind of assumed that I would have a wet dream due to that, but it didn't happen. Anyhow I woke up feeling good and clear. I'm a bit horny right now, but I just took a shower so go figure.

Dream Content: I dreamed that I was a new employee at a Wendy's. I came in with a bunch of other people, and we were being trained how to close the store at night. I ended up burning pancakes, and doing a couple of other dumb things. Also near the end of the dream instead of wearing the uniform I was wearing a bathrobe. Just for the record as well the Wendys was huge it was probably the size of 4 football fields. Anyhow it was a completely non-sexual dream until the end. There was a female and I asked people if they dared me to go ask her out, which they did. So I walked over to her and she seemed into me. That was until I asked if she wanted to go out to dinner or dancing or just for a walk. Then she shot me down calling my list of things to do cliche. Then I woke up. Totally lame ass dream.

[Viktor]

Mindset Update over past 20 days:

I've found myself incredibly far more attracted to women than I've ever been in my entire life (and I was having no attraction problems before). Anyhow I'm almost depressed that I don't have a woman in my life. I'm really in conflict on what to do with this...

Should I:

A - Go out find a woman, and most likely end my celibacy

B - Don't actively look for a female

or

C - Try to find a woman, and explain to her that I'm trying to be celibate (which would be a very awkward conversation).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know that my body wants a woman for sexual reasons, but at the same time I feel like my mind wants a woman for companionship. I feel like I want the companionship a lot more, but I'm not sure if that's just an illusion since this has only really amplified since I started my abstinence run.

I feel like I could use this experiment to aide me in finding a woman, but that would be disregarding the initial reason for starting in the first place. It's all very confusing, and I'll be thinking it over for about a month before I make a decision.

NOTE: I'm leaving the state I currently live in within the next 30 days. So that has been the main force stopping me from looking for women, because I wouldn't want to do a relationship where I knew that I was simply going to leave. Still the thoughts have been going through my mind, so I'm not sure what I will do once I get to my destination.

[Viktor]

Day 54, No Wet Dream
3 Days without Smoking

Mental State: Disappointment and slightly depressed

Dream Content: I had a dream that I was in the car with someone else and I was naked in the back seat. Anyhow I realized that no one was driving the car so I was climbing up to the front seat into the drivers seat, and the cops drove by then flicked on their red and blues. I thought I was busted since I was naked and the driving was erratic (since I no one was even driving the car for a while). Still he passed by. Anyhow me and the other guy went to the hospital or something, and I started asking hot chicks if they wanted to have sex. A few said no, but then 2 chicks said yes. So we quickly started looking for a private place, but I woke up before it happened (of course). Kind of disappointing, but still nice to know that my mind works in very sexual ways still.

Side Note: I don't think I've looked at any porn in the past week or so. I just don't feel like looking at it since I'm not masturbating anyhow. This doesn't mean that I quit looking at porn or anything, it's just an interesting realization that I had.

[Caged]

I'm only ten days in but I defiantly have the similar feelings of attraction to women and loneliness. I don't think it's a good idea to avoid women or tell them you are celibate if you have the chance with them. The main problem is it is just self indulgence with no emotional component, which is obviously not true for sex. Sex has a huge emotional payoff.

[Viktor]

I'm only ten days in but I defiantly have the similar feelings of attraction to women and loneliness. I don't think it's a good idea to avoid women or tell them you are celibate if you have the chance with them. The main problem is it is just self indulgence with no emotional component, which is obviously not true for sex. Sex has a huge emotional payoff.

Ya... I just don't feel like sex alone would help me very much. I really feel like companionship is what I want the most. I know that sex has a very emotional component and it assists in bonding between the people involved, but since I'm leaving the state pretty soon I just don't see the point until I'm relocated. Once I'm settled again I'm pretty sure I'm going back on the prowl. Been doing quite a bit of thinking about this, and I guess if I don't get a wet dream at least I might find a relationship.

Although not telling her about this abstinence period might be a mistake... I think ample warning would be nice, since I pretty sure I would only last 30 seconds or less right now hahahahahha.

[Viktor]

Day 55, No Wet Dream
4 Days without smoking

Mental State: Less depressed than yesterday. Feeling alright, pretty horny. The disappointment of not having a wet dream in this amount of time is setting in. You know the depression is probably from quitting smoking now that I think about it. It didn't really start getting bad until I decided to quit. Damn nicotine dependence.

Dream Content: I had a dream where I found out I wasn't of the same species as everyone else on the planet. I was trying to throw a ball over and fence and I failed, and this strange guy came down and changed my anatomical structure to enable me to be more efficient at throwing the ball over the fence. It was pretty neat, anyhow I found out I could change my anatomy at whim and that I was going to live for 1,000's of years. Very interesting dream, and kind of fun but whatever.

Also worth noting is that my urine is a tad bit cloudy from time to time. I'm not 100% what is causing this. It might be semen being released via that route, but I haven't analyzed it or anything. It's just something that I feel scientifically should be in this log.

One more thing worth noting, I drank a gallon of milk (3.7 Liters) yesterday... I did it just so that I could say that I did it, nothing happened, hahahahahhaha.

Ok so now I feel like an idiot... I guess that phosphate can crystallize and exits with urine. So if you eat a large meal or drink milk (which is high is phosphate), your urine can be slightly cloudy. Since I've been drinking a lot of milk lately (because milk is awesome), I'm going to assume that is the cause and not excreting semen. Mystery solved in less than 15 minutes of searching for a cause.

[Viktor]

I was looking at the Kinsley report, and it said that most wet dreams are monthly or bi-monthly events. Since I haven't even made it to 2 months yet I'm going to assume that I'm still pretty normal. I still am looking very much toward having a wet dream.

That being said I've also had the abstinence effects that make me feel lonely, and in need of companionship and of course sex. After a bit of thinking I'm going to put a good deal of effort into finding a female once I move in about a month. It's still going to take me a bit to settle down and what not, so I'll definitely still have at least a month more of complete abstinence.

However, once I'm settled I am going to be pursuing actual sex, and hopefully, a relationship. We'll see how it turns out, but that is my plan. I hope that I can have a wet dream before I do find a woman that will tolerate me

EDIT: Man I had a large craving to smoke tonight... I went for a jog instead, it felt really good. I must have been out jogging for a good hour without stop. Strange part is that I felt like I could keep going, I feel healthier and more full of energy for sure. How amazing.

[Viktor]

Day 56, No Wet Dream
5 Days without Smoking

Mental State: It was strange I woke up with a full hard on this morning; yet I wasn't horny at all. Anyhow I've still been slightly depressed, but I still think it's because of quitting smoking. I had a pretty massive urge to smoke last night, but I ended up running instead. I hope I'm done for good with smoking, only time will tell I guess. On the wet dream side I'm still frustrated that I haven't had one. Also it's strange it's been so long since I've had an orgasm I'm not even sure what one would feel like anymore. I have a feeling that if I do have a wet dream I'm simply going to forget how it felt after a month or two. So I'm really going to have to try to log the feeling accurately in this log so I can hopefully identify with the feeling after long periods of time.

Dream Content: I woke up and could remember some of the dream, but now it's been hours and I've completely forgotten. It wasn't anything involving nudity or sex (of that I'm sure or I definetly would have remembered it ).

EDIT: Went out to the bars tonight & almost smoked... I barely stopped myself. This is really difficult.

[Viktor]

Day 57, No Wet Dream
6 Days without smoking

Mental State: Calm relaxed. I almost feel like I've lost the social benefit from abstinence completely. I know that isn't true though, it's just hard to know how my mind was working before I started this because it was so long ago.

Dream Content: I had some dreams, but I woke up after like 3 hours and I was delirious for a bit. You know that kind of delirium you get when you know you've woken up to early, and you are still someone stuck on some of the content of your dream and can't let it go. Anyhow I fell back asleep after that for about 4 hours. Got really bad sleep, can't really remember my dreams at all.

[Barkin]

Keep at it. Make it to May 22nd, and you'll have completely rebooted your body and brain.

[Viktor]

Keep at it. Make it to May 22nd, and you'll have completely rebooted your body and brain.

This is interesting and kind of motivating, what does "Reboot" mean?

[Barkin]

Keep at it. Make it to May 22nd, and you'll have completely rebooted your body and brain.

This is interesting and kind of motivating, what does "Reboot" mean?

From what I understand, it's undoing the conditioning you've done to your brain and body due to overexposure to erotic stimuli and regular masturbation. ( http://yourbrainonporn.com/guys-short-d ... -rebooting ).

Granted, I think I remember you said you still look at porn. That's your choice, really. I think you should be proud of yourself for even going this long without masturbation. :-)

[Viktor]

Day 58, No Wet Dream
0 Days without smoking

Mental Status: Ultra ultra ultra hung over to the maximum degree. Also I'm mad at myself for smoking, but I was hitting on chicks and they offered. I really need some more self control man, anyhow I didn't buy a pack or anything and I don't plan on doing it. I smoked 2 cigarettes in total.

Dream Content: I can't remember a thing, I can barely remember going to bed last night. This is going to be the last time I drink for a while I think, maybe not though who knows. Generally I drink like once every other week or perhaps less. Damn I'm hungover right now DAMN!!!!

NO MORE SMOKING DAMNIT!!!!

[Viktor]

From what I understand, it's undoing the conditioning you've done to your brain and body due to overexposure to erotic stimuli and regular masturbation. ( http://yourbrainonporn.com/guys-short-d ... -rebooting ).

Granted, I think I remember you said you still look at porn. That's your choice, really. I think you should be proud of yourself for even going this long without masturbation. :-)

Ya I am pretty proud of myself, and I was looking at porn a lot when I first quit. I'm going to try to explain why I looked at porn and what has been happening as I continue this abstinence period:

Why did I look at porn?
---------------------
1. I think it was partially because I liked the feeling of being really aroused.
2. I think that in order for me to quit masturbation I needed to confront what I usually used to masturbate. So I feel like if I didn't look at porn, and overcome the urge then I would be much more susceptible to failure if I accidentally saw porn or just broke down and looked.
3. I tried to use it as a catalyst to achieve a wet dream.

What has been happening with me and porn lately
-------------------------
Gradually I've been looking at it less and less. That isn't because I'm weaning myself off or something, it's just naturally what has been occurring. I'd like to state right now that I have imposed zero restriction on viewing pornography, and I don't plan on limiting it ever.

Also less hardcore porn is actually appealing to me more now. I won't go into what types of porn I watched or anything like that, but now just seeing a still picture of a nude woman is more appealing that a 20 minute video. It was never that way before, in fact I almost needed that 20 minute video just to have an orgasm in a timely enough manner.

Looking back on myself and reflecting a bit I feel as if I had come to a point where I didn't enjoy actually masturbating. When I say that I mean I didn't enjoy the sensation prior to orgasm. It was all about the orgasm, and I didn't really respect any other part of the experience. I'm hoping that I don't fall back into a mindset like that again after I start back up, I'll try not to.

Hahahah well I kind of ranted there for a bit, but whatever it's good to have this stuff in my log so if I ever come back then I can see it.