Spermgod's Journal

[spermgod]

new guy here starting my journal-- but with a difference?

hey all- just started here at wdf and find it all very familiar, supportive and friendly. i have had a lot of wd's since i was about 11 and though i get them a little fewer now, i still have one about once every two weeks or so. this is on top of the fact that i mb regularly (read- very often.)

i want to be very careful about others' feelings and respectfully ask if i offend anyone to please let me know so i can do something about it. i've been on boards before looking for the similarly minded that were pretty cutthroat and i hated it. i am ALWAYS open to conversations, questions and whatever else comes up.

i am just learning the ropes here. though i know this is a wd forum- and i have plenty to share in that department- i'm also an advocate for healthy mb, too. i get that many of you are trying to produce wd's so are using ab to achieve this and i agree with that method for those who don't have many or find this to be their choice in how to deal with male erotic energy instead of mb. it's all good to me. i support a person in whatever pursuit that he/she takes (as long as it does not hurt another, of course.)

so, that's it for now. not sure how to structure this journal and stay on-topic but i'll find my way. take care...

[AGT]

Welcome Spermgod.



I think that you will find the guys (and gals) on the WDF a very friendly bunch, having many different outlooks and lifestyles. The rules are simple. Always have consideration of other's points of view. Some will disagree with your viewpoint, as you will disagree with some as well. Keep it friendly.

As we do have some members who are not yet 18 years old, it's always best to bear this in mind when posting.
No links to porn sites or inappropriate content. No nudity in the main forum. The AMP forum does contain nudity, but the rules of entry are strictly monitored.

And finally, even though I am the administrator of the WDF, I too, MB on the odd occasion - and yes I still enjoy it. even at my age!

AGT

[repsaj]

Welcome to this site.

I'm new to this site too, . I've been reading through all sorts of interesting experiences, that will hopefully help me AB, esp. from pornography. So far the people here are supportive and encouraging, hope you'll notice he same thing too.

I wonder if I should also start my own log???

[spermgod]

thx for the welcome- back atcha'. start the log- it can help with whatever you want to achieve here. you can get personal support, comments and advice. it's alwo good to get the frustration out... take care sg

Welcome to this site.

I'm new to this site too, . I've been reading through all sorts of interesting experiences, that will hopefully help me AB, esp. from pornography. So far the people here are supportive and encouraging, hope you'll notice he same thing too.

I wonder if I should also start my own log???

[spermgod]

thank you for the welcome, agt. consideration is very important to me and there is a seriously discouraging lack of it in the world, esp. online. my goal is to give and receive understanding, support and advice, if asked for. i hope i can be a great and useful member and learn and teach as i go...

Welcome Spermgod.



I think that you will find the guys (and gals) on the WDF a very friendly bunch, having many different outlooks and lifestyles. The rules are simple. Always have consideration of other's points of view. Some will disagree with your viewpoint, as you will disagree with some as well. Keep it friendly.

As we do have some members who are not yet 18 years old, it's always best to bear this in mind when posting.
No links to porn sites or inappropriate content. No nudity in the main forum. The AMP forum does contain nudity, but the rules of entry are strictly monitored.

And finally, even though I am the administrator of the WDF, I too, MB on the odd occasion - and yes I still enjoy it. even at my age!

AGT

[spermgod]

i'm not really sure what i should keep tract of and/or write about here. please be aware that i am a very frequent masturbator and do not apologize for that. i am in total support for those who do not, who abstain for whatever reason or are developing a regime to promote more wd experiences. i hope you can respect my journey, too.

as i'm aware that this forum is about wet dreams and not masturbation, in particular, i will concentrate on keeping my writing relevant. anything that i write is my own opinion, experience and/or understanding of the issues presented. dissent is not only inevitable but acceptable.

okay, now that i've posted the necessary disclaimers, i think that i should give you all some personal background and pov. this will probably be posted in installments as my time- like most other's- is limited, in how long i can remain on this forum and how much i'm willing to write in a single day.


first thing to know: i have a conditional syndrome that causes me to spontaneously ejaculate, especially when i'm stressed: ie taking tests, vigorous exercise, fighting/arguments (yep, it's happened more than once- it's a great way to remain a pacifist.) i've had it since the onset of puberty at 10 years old. it is at once: fascinating, disruptive, embarrassing, enjoyable, freakish, messy. it is also controllable to some extent. i was prescribed masturbation by the doctors i've seen. there is medication that helps but it causes sexual developmental issues, prostate problems, lethargy, weight gain, dry-mouth and irritation just to name a few. viva la chimie organique, eh..?

we all have to learn to live with what life gives us and since i have no idea what it would be like without my se, i've adapted. i still adapt. i probably will always have to do some adaptation to most new circumstances or situations. i'll give you an example: dating and relationships are a little different from those of my friends. think about it: dating is very stressful (esp. the first few) and adding sex into the mix is always a crap shoot. learning to find the humor in it all seems to be a key component in keeping myself on an even level. that, and understanding and accepting that other people will react in many different ways when they find out. my experiences sometimes can be very funny. at least, when i look back on it later...

that's it for today. i have time tomorrow to write more so until then: be kind to yourself, find the humor in existence and keep your loved ones close.

[spermgod]

i think i'll post new entries with the reply button instead of reediting what i've already written as to cut down on any potential confusion.

i would like to pose a question. perhaps i should post this as a poll and i may: since i do have wet dreams fairly often but my focus is of a wider interest in semen-oriented topics that i would like to relate to those on this forum, would it be acceptable for me to at least include writing about my spon. ejac stuff? would this be way off topic? i've noticed it mentioned several times- it's even included in the initial profile questions. my experiences with SE do directly influence my frequency of wet dreams.

i've also noticed that some post photographs and descriptions of wet dream results and would be interesting in recording some of these, myself. it's about finding my focus, here, i think.

[Alaric]

I don't think it would be too off topic to post about your SE stuff. It's all related in some sense. And definitely just reply to your own log or it doesn't show up updated i think, it's a system quirk. Btw, we haven't met yet but nice to meet you!

[spermgod]

as some of you know who may have read stuff from me before, my relationship with my genitals is a little different than many of yours. stress- the higher it is, the more significant and profound the results- can cause me to have episodes of spon. ejac. (SE.) this week was a high stress week which left me wet and sticky (if you pardon the poetic terms) and exhausted. my mom's illness left her unable to temporarily care for herself in the mundane ways: making meals, driving, every-day fix-its, fear of being alone, etc. i gladly helped out but as with any kind of illness, it's not something for which a person can fully prepare. after her quadruple bypass last year, she's had periodic health problems and feels safest if i am with her. i would never begrudge a person what i could to help esp. dealing with fear- it's an awful feeling.

after the first two days of relative dryness, i had a HUGE (read MASSIVE) SE. fortunately, i was out of the house and alone coming back from the market when it happened. my mom lives in a very rural part of northern california so i was able to just pull over when i felt it coming on and flow with it (no pun intended.) the actual physical process is very similar to most guys ejaculations concerning length of time and stages from initial arousal to completion of ejaculation to resolution. during the majority of my SE experiences, i have full-on orgasmic feelings/reactions as though i were participating in a typically intense MB or other purposeful sexual encounter. but there are some differences, mainly the sudden onset and lack of control in stopping the process. this has put me in situations that range from funny (i wish it were more of these,) embarrassing (way too many of these,) to dangerous (if you've ever MB'd or received head or whatever while driving, you can get the picture.) at the moment of orgasm, i lose control and this time i was driving. experiences like this really fuck with you and your sense of control.

i've learned to wear two pair of briefs at all times to absorb what it can while i hurry to clean up and change. in my car, i carry extra stuff for such events but it still unnerves me esp. when i chanced an accident. i took the extra time to come down from my orgasm and just relax (i have had multiple SE's a few times when the causal stress couldn't be relieved in time.) i stripped off my clothes, cleaned up with the towels i carry and redressed in fresh briefs. it's become sort of a calming ritual, the cleaning up and redressing, like a little process of gathering my whits again and normalizing. and, thankfully, this time, there was nobody around to avoid.

in addition to the unusually high stress of helping my mom, i'd interrupted my typical "schedule" of MB which serves as a sort of pressure release valve in keeping my SE's in control. i can see that it was somewhat inevitable, really, though it's been a while since i've had such a powerful event and i've gotten a little accustomed to a more controlled sexual functioning. the rest of the week was mostly uneventful, though i did have a nice WD to report to you guys so i feel i'm at least a little on topic!

i live in my SE world alone and can never be fully transparent or free with others. i feel a fundamental sense of dishonesty for the necessary lack of full disclosure with those with whom i come in contact. this includes my closest friends and family, though i do have a few people with whom i can talk frankly, they can never fully understand and i feel responsible for their disconsertion. still, i am, by nature, a happy person and humor can go a long way in relieving the tension in myself and others. and- this is really important to emphasize- my condition is so much less difficult than those who experience heavier burdens. mostly, i wrote this paragraph as a small illustration of how SE affects my life in more ways than the admittedly intense orgasmic joy that i experience.

please feel free to ask questions or leave comments. it's all part of this wonderful, amazing and sacred experience called life. take care.

[Didaskalos]

SpermGod:
I find your posts absolutely fascinating! Feel free to share about the stuff that's on your mind.
I'm a poet, and I have the opposite fantasy: giving a poetry reading so good everybody jizzes in their pants.
Did the doctors discuss self-control techniques with you...breathing, thinking non-arousing, thoughts, etc?
Have you done the medical literature research to find out how common your situation is?


---Didaskalos

[spermgod]

thx, Didaskalos, i appreciate your interest, really.

SE is an erotic idea and i get that. from a purely physical viewpoint, the experiences are both really orgasmically satisfying and exhausting. psychologically, i feel defeated sometimes and alone. i live with the fear of it happening in situations that will embarrass or endanger me. there is a worry of very real, potential, medical problems. then there is the reality of maintaining my day-to-day life like lots of laundry, changing sheets and underwear and cleaning up, in general. dating is problematic, too, as disclosure and the occurrence of an event are not exactly fare for a casual night out and certainly not a common enough experience to be a possibility in another guy's mind. i've grown up with this condition. it has gotten better with age, experience and learning several coping techniques. it's my "normal" and i am way past feeling sorry for myself or letting it completely control my life. it is like most disabilities or exceptions or long-term conditions/illnesses, etc., i've learned to live with it, many times enjoy it and found a true sense of compassion for other because of it. it just IS, if you can understand that.

i am certainly old and experienced enough to understand others fascination with my condition. i have, on occasion, benefited from it as something different to bring to the erotic banquet, as it were. there are other "side effects" that i also enjoy (a very large volume of ejaculate, for example.) and most of all, i've learned to eroticize it, in myself. well, most of it, anyway. if i could control it completely, i would be a very happy man, i'm sure.

doctors, doctors, doctors... (sigh...) seen a bunch, never NOT embarrassing, some ware helpful, some not so much. i've learned several techniques like meditations, breathing control, pre-preparation for events, identifying onset and knowing my condition. i take lots of supplements (not sure how well they work,) work out (good for stress and holistic conditioning,) do my Kegels, and just flow with/not fight the experiences when they happen. there is medication i could take but the potential side effects suck (impotence, lethargy, prostate cancer, low sperm count/semen production, to name a few.) as a sort of spectrum disorder, the condition is not as rare as many might think. i just have a more severe form. finding info on line is rather sparse and it hasn't been particularly studied in any kind of depth.

i hope this answers some of your (and anyone else who's interested) questions. again, i emphasis, i live with this, need no pity (some understanding and acceptance would be good!) and am as open as possible about it. i feel that the potential support for me and any other guy who may be experiencing this far outweighs the embarrassment. as for anyone who feels eroticised by all of this: i totally get it, support it and hope you feel comfortable enough to talk with me. it really is all good, here. if it's weird for you, i get that, too, just respect my journey and i will respect yours, okay?

take care and thx again for the interest and questions-

spermgod

SpermGod:
I find your posts absolutely fascinating! Feel free to share about the stuff that's on your mind.
I'm a poet, and I have the opposite fantasy: giving a poetry reading so good everybody jizzes in their pants.
Did the doctors discuss self-control techniques with you...breathing, thinking non-arousing, thoughts, etc?
Have you done the medical literature research to find out how common your situation is?


---Didaskalos

[spermgod]

feb 19, 2013: my first reported wet dream for this forum. although i do have wd's frequently enough, this is the first of which i wanted to mention. because of the nature of the pix i took, they are located in the adult section of the forum.

an interesting personal note: i hadn't masturbated for two days (which is unusual for me) and this wd was very intense. i awoke during and enjoyed the deeply erotic feeling and as i had worn briefs last night, was able to capture it all on film. i've taken to wearing dark briefs once in a while purely to capture my semen for pix when i have a wet dream as the "evidence" left on my sheets would be harder to see in pictures (i have a very lousy cam on my phone.)

i remember the dream pretty well with it's standard, basic, sexual components (some hot guy was rubbing my crotch thru my jeans for reasons unknown.) but one of the more rare feelings i had in the dream was this absolutely intense feeling of love for this guy. it was so overwhelming that after waking, i carried this feeling throughout the day as if he were a real person. it faded as the hours ticked by but for a long while it was haunting.

[spermgod]

hi people-

this is my first day back to the wdf. my absence was predicated by a few concerns, on my part. firstly, my mother's continuing illness keeps me busy in a location without internet access. secondly, my own struggle with anxiety disorders have flared up, as of late. and thirdly (perhaps most relevant for this forum,) i inadvertently hurt someone on this forum- a HUGE concern of mine. as some of you may know, i am a very private person- the reasons i've stated before (anxiety, former abuse, online harassment) explain most of this. one of the issues with exerting my privacy is that i do not state all the particulars of who i am on one site and live a few differing online "lives" with differing personae and information. none of what i do declare is false but i do admit to a sometimes confusing tangle of information if my various profile pages are seen by one person. i try to keep them separate but sometimes i fuck up, which i did with this person.

i answered his email with an alternate email addy and with this, he explored the internet (a perfectly natural thing to do) and found another of my profiles that disturbed his interpretation of who i was. after several attempts, i finally succeeded in assuring him but not without taking a good look at what my responsibility in the matter. i need(ed) to make more than assurances. i need(ed) to make amends to ensure that i do not make this same mistake, again.

living in this society with the tech at hand both frees and binds us. what i am writing comes as no news or surprise to anyone savvy or internet experienced enough. but to illustrate my personal story and points, bare with the redundant information and observations, if you will. it is far too easy to lie on the internet. the number of built-in accountabilities (if i may) is woefully inadequate and trivial. of course, there are the debates of caveat emptor ("buyer beware") and freedom of expression as well as too much interference with personal liberties from governing bodies, whatever and whomever they may be. i understand and support those arguments, falling on the side of individual freedom and expected mature, adult behavior. life is about dealing with risk as stepping out of bed, even sleeping, itself, takes a fundamental acceptance of such. but this amorphous, undefinable level of trust leaves us all open to all-too-familiar risks of involvement with unscrupulous and damaged people and interactions.

most lying on the internet is seemingly harmless, social lies to better our reflections to those around us. we write that we are taller, more muscular/less flabby, younger/older more educated and/or financially "fit" than is truthful. we use pictures of our younger selves to sell our worth to those in which we are interested. flattery and tacit agreement- your best foot forward- are commonly assumed during first dates and/or meetings. i'm sure you all have many such examples to add. we do not feel adequate. we do not feel as if we measure up. we mourn for our salad (younger, more exciting) days and extend our fantasies toward others as if in them we still participated. i am no stranger to this game, as both receiver and contributor. i hold my shame in my few practices and strive to live a transparent life. and we all know how difficult it is to live in perfect integrity.

to that point and as an all-too-frequent victim of such behavior, i feel another need to "cleanse" my own house and right my own course. i do this not because i was caught at something or from threat of exposure but because, as we all must do, i struggle to evolve and accept myself as who i am. attached, you will find a picture of me more accurately reflecting my present face and look. i understand if there are those of you who are angry and or feel "betrayed" by me but i've never asked for anything from any of you and all of my interactions, blog entries and other information remain truthful.

be well, true to yourself and gentle to others for their personal (and personally familiar) struggles.

spermgod

[Redsoxinmd]

Spermgod,
I, for one, applaud your honesty! Owning your own $hit can be really hard, and you are putting it ALL out there. Who among us is without sin? Who should cast the first stone? I don't understand all the details of your recent conflict, nor do I need to. I came to this forum seeking those with a common interest, and I've been humbled and blessed to find inspiration in the words the members share. However small a slice of their lives people are willing to share, I view as a gift. And you sir, have given me much. Thank you. Keep writing. I'll be reading!

[jackerbud]

Hi there -- I know you and I are connected on other forums as well.

Like you, I MB unapologetically and frequebtly - and I also really enjoy WDs. In my past I've been able to have deliberate SE - and that is what has driven me here. I would never want to stop MB - in fact, I have worked informally with a number of men to help them MB in a meaningful, positive way, both as a solo and shared pursuit, as well as a method for meditation.
I look forward to sharing this journey.

Tim