orbit8's Log

[orbit8]

I have completed one month of abstaining. It has been easy for me because I have to make time to masturbate anyway.

I am rewiring my mind and body and used December 21st as a marker to begin. My efforts are to improve and renew my mind body and spirit. I have worked out more, tried to meet new people and read more and also tried doing more arts and crafts.

I had watched more porn in the first few weeks because I was more horny and I was testing myself. I don't masturbate on impulse, and I enjoy being horny all the time. If I masturbated, I would be turned off to porn for a few days.

I did try going to an adult bookstore. I encountered a few guys there that wanted to give me a blow job, but I did not want that. I just wanted to see what went down inside. It was pretty interesting the types of guys that may show up. I touched a few penises and let some guys feel me. I just don't think it's a good idea to let strangers blow me. Though I have done this in the past.

I am not sure when I will go back to masturbating.

[orbit8]

Today was interesting. A guy that I think is kinda hot came back to the restaurant were I work and chatted with me. He always makes eye contact and is very nice. I got a gay vibe from him today. He is loosening up. Hope he comes back tomorrow, cause he is on-a-roll with me.

Later that day, a co-worker tried to draw my attention to the bulge of his hard cock. I walked by and touched it. But, I decided he did not deserve more. I am not sure why he picked today to do that.

I went to the gym and saw no action or hot guys. Got home, took a shower and decided to arouse myself just to see if my dick responded differently because I have abstained for over a month. I played with my nipples and rubbed my finger under my cockhead just to see how hard I could get. I decided to stop. Really wasn't too tempted to masturbate after all this time. I may go by an adult bookstore soon though. I either want to see and touch someones dick or have them touch mine.

Going to do a Brain Sync meditation then go to bed.

[orbit8]

Okay guys, between ejaculations or days of not masturbating, do you ever feel a zing or twitch around your prostate?
I think it is what women may feel as they past through their cycle
When I feel it, I think my balls and prostate are recharged for cumming again
kinda lets me know I should jerk off soon
What do you think?

[orbit8]

Had a bit of a depressing day, yesterday. I went to an adult bookstore which had an arcade inside. Not many guys there. None were that hot or interesting. I hung around a bit and watched part of a boring video.

Later, two guys came in together. One was OK looking. A tall nerd on the skinny side. His buddy was a rugged looking young guy. Kind of squat and beefy. I liked him better. They walked around then left. Beefy came back with some change and the two went into a booth together. Oh, the nerdy one peeped in on me earlier while I watched a video while his friend was away. So I was a bit surprised they were making noise in the booth near me. I was curious and jealous of who was doing what to who. The door was not locked so I opened it and peeked in. Beef was seated in boxer shorts, I guess waiting to be blown. Skinny just looked at me. Beefy smiled a bit. I just made a grunt and closed the door. I wonder what their story was? I always wonder how two straight appearing guys hook up.

This all made me a bit depressed because I am not in a relationship. I think I will abstain until I am in a relationship. I am trying to figure out what event I will use to start ejaculating again. What will come first, a boyfriend or a jack off session?

[hh4u]

Okay guys, between ejaculations or days of not masturbating, do you ever feel a zing or twitch around your prostate?
I think it is what women may feel as they past through their cycle
When I feel it, I think my balls and prostate are recharged for cumming again
kinda lets me know I should jerk off soon
What do you think?

Well, yes, when I was abstaining, I was getting a zing in my prostate. It's kinda funny that it's a bit of an identifier that I'm full and ready. The times I started to get that twitch is the time I would have some cum ooze out after pissing or during a BM. It's one of those feelings where you think you could almost flex and squeeze it out. It's probably one of the best feelings I've experienced.

Had a bit of a depressing day, yesterday. I went to an adult bookstore which had an arcade inside. Not many guys there. None were that hot or interesting. I hung around a bit and watched part of a boring video.

Later, two guys came in together. One was OK looking. A tall nerd on the skinny side. His buddy was a rugged looking young guy. Kind of squat and beefy. I liked him better. They walked around then left. Beefy came back with some change and the two went into a booth together. Oh, the nerdy one peeped in on me earlier while I watched a video while his friend was away. So I was a bit surprised they were making noise in the booth near me. I was curious and jealous of who was doing what to who. The door was not locked so I opened it and peeked in. Beef was seated in boxer shorts, I guess waiting to be blown. Skinny just looked at me. Beefy smiled a bit. I just made a grunt and closed the door. I wonder what their story was? I always wonder how two straight appearing guys hook up.

This all made me a bit depressed because I am not in a relationship. I think I will abstain until I am in a relationship. I am trying to figure out what event I will use to start ejaculating again. What will come first, a boyfriend or a jack off session?

I think you're over-thinking things. No need to be depressed. For all you know, they could have been a Craigslist hookup. The important thing is that you set a goal to orgasm during your next relationship. In that situation, you have TONS of options open to you. The best thing, if you are in a relationship, you can actually talk with the other 1/2 and figure out how you want to deliver the load...especially since it'll be rather large.

[orbit8]

Thanks for the reply hh4u!

I wonder what is happening to cause that sensation? I girl once told me she got a zing or tinkle that was a bit surprising and painful. Like a pinch when she was somewhere along her period. Not sure which part of it the sensation occurred. I'm glad you answered that.

As for the depression. It is a bit of loneliness because so many guys are bold enough to hookup. I have a fear of getting aids and also a trust issue with men who will say anything they think I want to hear to bed me. Here in St. Louis, I feel there is a lack of temptation in the first place. I have not idea where my next date is coming from or what kind of freak he may be. Abstaining makes me more sexually frustrated. While masturbating makes me feel like I have given up. But, it has me looking for more ways to meet guys.

Thank you!

[hh4u]

Thanks for the reply hh4u!

I wonder what is happening to cause that sensation? I girl once told me she got a zing or tinkle that was a bit surprising and painful. Like a pinch when she was somewhere along her period. Not sure which part of it the sensation occurred. I'm glad you answered that.

As for the depression. It is a bit of loneliness because so many guys are bold enough to hookup. I have a fear of getting aids and also a trust issue with men who will say anything they think I want to hear to bed me. Here in St. Louis, I feel there is a lack of temptation in the first place. I have not idea where my next date is coming from or what kind of freak he may be. Abstaining makes me more sexually frustrated. While masturbating makes me feel like I have given up. But, it has me looking for more ways to meet guys.

Thank you!

Well, first off. The sensation, from my understanding, could be caused by the fact the seminal vesicles and prostate are engorged with soon-to-be semen. Couple that with the fact that there are a LOT of nerve endings in that area, and things tend to move in that area, there is definitely a lot of things that can cause the nerves to "zing".

As for the depression. Being able to hookup is not something to strive for. The fact is, the human condition makes us fear loneliness, but you can gain real strength by seeing loneliness as a chance to better know yourself; that way you can give your true self to another when they come along. The AIDS issue is understandable, but there are measures you can take to prevent that (Safe Sex, Non-Risky Sex, etc.). I think the trust issue and the loneliness could be hand-in-hand, and that if you can find out what makes you untrusting, you might get a new insight into why you feel lonely.

For the very last statement: I think you could really change your perspective. I'm a young guy. Giving up stroking (the times I have) has been one of the HARDEST things I've had to do. I definitely understand the sexual frustration. I also understand the feeling that release can bring. However, I never think of masturbation as giving up. Giving up is when you sit at home, watch some porn, beat off, and think "a relationship would be great, but, I'm gonna watch porn because I'm not worthy of a relationship." Which is bullshit. The only thing that needs to change is the feeling that you are worthy of a relationship, the rest is totally normal. If you are dating someone, there are times you will still stroke one out. Masturbation is a fact of life.

Giving up is only when you no longer feel that you are worthy of someone else. Don't ever feel that you are unworthy of a loving relationship; we all deserve that.

I wish you the best man.

[orbit8]

Had a bad day at work and wanted to punch a co-worker in the face. I am not sure where I am on the "T-buzz" and I don't blame it. I have wanted to punch a few people for awhile now. I fantasize about it. Otherwise, I will have to quit my job. I told my boss that the cook was fucking with me in the middle of the restaurant! Not sure what will happen tomorrow. She will probably tell her husband, but otherwise let it go. She may have thought it was funny.

Anyway, I have new supplements from GNC. For the last month I have been taking Mega Men Performance & Vitality packs, http://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4193180 , and they seem to be good for me. My theory was to hasten the Wet Dreams by building up the sperm and prostate fluids quickly. My GNC guy also gives me samples. This time of year it is a lot of weight loss and body builder stuff. I thought I would try the Cellucor weight loss combo pack. I have been working out about every other day, usually at night when I get off work around 10:30pm.

So today I was there at 3:30 and it was kinda busy. This was the first time I saw some hot-ish guys there. So, it was nice eye candy and inspiration. Well, there was this one guy about 17-19 'ish with a nice muscular "V"ed off physique. He had a slack-jawed look and odd greasy hair like a skater dude. So he come up near me in the ab area and starts to do leg lifts. I can see the outline of his cock and he had a sizable semi-hardon. Then these other two guys walk up to him about his age and as he is lifting his legs, it looks like he is getting harder from the effort of working out.

I was trying not to stare, but I got the vibe that he had a bit of a crush on the hotter of the two guys that joined him. He up and started asking the guy about the right form for the leg lifts. The hot guy just held his legs at the right angle for a moment. It was obvious now that he was getting more aroused. The two guys seemed to not notice, because obviously I am waiting for them to notice and say something. He could only hid the thing when his legs were up. When they went down, there was an clear "tent" forming! That was the highlight of my day. And with all this abstaining, I was really feeling a churning around my prostate, even though this was not enough to get me hard, it gave me much to occupy my thoughts for a while. Young guys these days seem to either have a greater comfort level for this stuff, or maybe it has been there all along and I just didn't notice it. Not sure how much you straight guys notice these things. I think even straight guys get aroused by hot guys with boners in public.

I have the same work schedule tomorrow and will sure be there at the same time!

[AGT]

Your post about the gym, takes me back many years to the days I used to attend a gym fairly frequently. I was not really into the whole gym thing, but more for doing a bit of exercise and enjoying the sauna after my efforts on the circuit.

I don't think that I could have ever been considered "hot", but I was fairly well endowed (actually still am haha) and I noticed that a few times some of the guys sitting opposite me quite often showed that they were getting somewhat excited. Some managed to hide their erections by adjusting their towels around themselves, and others made a hasty exit. It was only after a guy sat opposite me with his legs crossed on the bench he was sitting on that I noticed that I could see his cock and balls under his towel that was across the top of his knees. It was at this point that I realised that I was sitting the exact same way he was and so I, too, was showing every thing!!!

This guy had fairly thick uncut cock, with just the very tip of his head showing under his foreskin. It was actually a good looking cock, and I felt myself getting a semi thinking what his would look like as he got harder. Would his head show more as he stiffened up, or would he remain with only the tip showing? I was very surprised how hard I got at these thoughts, as I was most definitely not gay or even bi. It as at that stage that I got my answer to what it would look like as he got harder, as he started to get an erection himself. I tried not to stare and sort of pretended to close my eyes and lean back as though I was dozing off. I was still looking through my almost closed eyes, when he stood up, letting his towel slide off, showing his full erection. He then arranged his towel so as to hide his hard cock and walked out of the sauna.

Whether he thought I was really dozing off, and thought it was safe to let his towel drop, or whether he simply didn't care that I could see his full erection, or , maybe he knew that I was looking and just wanted me too see what he had, I will never know, as I didn't see him again.

I do remember that It took me quite a long time to get fully soft again.

Be interesting to see if your guy is there again tomorrow.

[orbit8]

:lol:
Your post about the gym, takes me back many years to the days I used to attend a gym fairly frequently. I was not really into the whole gym thing, but more for doing a bit of exercise and enjoying the sauna after my efforts on the circuit.

I don't think that I could have ever been considered "hot", but I was fairly well endowed (actually still am haha) and I noticed that a few times some of the guys sitting opposite me quite often showed that they were getting somewhat excited. Some managed to hide their erections by adjusting their towels around themselves, and others made a hasty exit. It was only after a guy sat opposite me with his legs crossed on the bench he was sitting on that I noticed that I could see his cock and balls under his towel that was across the top of his knees. It was at this point that I realised that I was sitting the exact same way he was and so I, too, was showing every thing!!!

This guy had fairly thick uncut cock, with just the very tip of his head showing under his foreskin. It was actually a good looking cock, and I felt myself getting a semi thinking what his would look like as he got harder. Would his head show more as he stiffened up, or would he remain with only the tip showing? I was very surprised how hard I got at these thoughts, as I was most definitely not gay or even bi. It as at that stage that I got my answer to what it would look like as he got harder, as he started to get an erection himself. I tried not to stare and sort of pretended to close my eyes and lean back as though I was dozing off. I was still looking through my almost closed eyes, when he stood up, letting his towel slide off, showing his full erection. He then arranged his towel so as to hide his hard cock and walked out of the sauna.

Whether he thought I was really dozing off, and thought it was safe to let his towel drop, or whether he simply didn't care that I could see his full erection, or , maybe he knew that I was looking and just wanted me too see what he had, I will never know, as I didn't see him again.

I do remember that It took me quite a long time to get fully soft again.

Be interesting to see if your guy is there again tomorrow.

Yes! Thanks for that story. I believe that men have what I call "sympathetic erections". We are like animals, and seeing an erect penis makes us think that sex is to be had somewhere. We may not want the other guy with the erection, but we can't help but respond. Kinda like laughter makes us at least smile a little. Or someone afraid causes us to look around for what might cause the fear.

[orbit8]

I went back to the gym after all the hotness yesterday. There were a few OK guys, but not the one I wanted to see. I am tempted to go back tomorrow between work shifts. Got to see how my time flows. Extra workouts don't hurt.

I go back and forth over not having a boyfriend. I am trying to check out every resource. I don't want to masturbate, but I will cum if the right guy comes along. Using Grindr is getting me a few more responses. But, I consider all of these guys a waste of time.

I went to a gay coffee house near me. It is run by lesbians. Lately, it seems to be full of the typical people you would see at a Starbucks. Does not feel very gay or "cruisie".

What to do, what to do?

[orbit8]

I did go to the gym on my break between jobs. Sure enough, a group of guys were going in the gym as I arrived. I can tell the two that spoke to the skater boy was with them. I was hoping to observe them again. Went inside and did not see the skater boy with the semi-hardon. He may arrive later or not at all, I thought. The other guys went about their workout. I would assume they are high school seniors. I did a good work out and left. I am not sure if I will go to the gym tomorrow night. It is super cold here and I don't really like the drive to the gym at night.

[orbit8]

I went to the gym today and the young guys that work out together were all there. The Skaterboy with the bulge was not there until later. So, after more observation, it seems that he may be outside their circle, but wanting in. Skaterboy seems to have a man crush on a guy that is hardcore on working out and taking supplements. The Hardcore guy is very vain and I believe he likes the attention he is getting. Hardcore has a habit of raising his shirt up to check or show off his abs. He also has the habit of grabbing his dickhead through his gym shorts to adjust him self! Not clear if he is doing this to draw more attention or tease. Skaterboy seems to be telling him he wants a body like his and wants to know every trick to get it that way. Skaterboy wants Hardcore's body on him I think.

Well, neither of them got hard-ons. Skaterboy is damn near free balling. He wears grey boxer briefs under sweatpants. You can see the outline of his cock clearly. It is easy to tell when it swells or not. It is not clear if it is larger than average or not. Hardcore has a hot body and a handsome face. He is otherwise more boy next door and all American blond. You can see his dickhead swing back and forth as he moves through the room, but it is never semi-hard. Both guys seem to eyeball each others bodies quite a bit. I overheard them plan to meet up Thursday.

I did spend more time than normal in the gym today. After seeing the Calvin Klien add during the Super Bowl, I am working harder to get an undewear models body. It will take another month at least to lose that belly fat. Seems I will have to do a lot more cardio.

[orbit8]

Nothing too exciting today. I went to get an HIV test. I kinda thinking that the next time I cum will be with someone, and I should know my status. Negative. I was asked a lot of questions. Sometimes I find it hard to believe the sexual behaviors of most people. I am paranoid about HIV, but I need to start having sex. Part of the ease of my abstaining is that I am tired of falling back on masturbation when so many people around me seem to have no problem having sex. I got the Grindr app and is scares me that people are using things like this for "hook-ups". I feel that I could not trust anyone that would use this app, but I have given in and am trying to catch up with what some guys may be using. I guess knowing is half the battle.

[orbit8]

To my surprise, this guy on Grindr seemed interested in me. So now we have each others number. I have not met a guy through. this app before. Hope he is the real thing because he is nice looking, about my age and all. Now we have to find out what we have in common. He seems more interested in a relationship than just sex.

I have not worked out since Saturday. I hurt myself working out so much last week. Skaterboy did say HI to me the other day. We crossed each others paths and I think he was embarrassed because he was grunting loudly while working out. His crush was not there that day.

I am doing well abstaining. Had some odd dreams, not sure when the Wet Dream will come. I think erotic dreams depend on how ones brain and imagination is wired.

[spermgod]

orbit8- your blog is interesting. i enjoyed how open and verbal you are. your ability to write in such a candid way brings a reader in. i just wanted to give you my support- this whole dating, masturbation/abstaining dilemma seems pretty universal in this forum. probably with most of the humans on earth. i am finding that we may have differing reasons for abstaining, trying for a wet dream or just plain trying to bond with others over shared interests but we all are also bound by a certain search to better ourselves and our particular situations. there is a brotherhood of sorts here- independent of sexual preference- as human males responding to each other out of this shared existence and need. it's very cool and so unfortunately rare. maybe i'm waxing a bit poetic but i hope you get my overall meaning: you are not alone and there are plenty of us who understand and support your efforts. i hope this doesn't sound preachy. take care-- spermgod

[orbit8]

orbit8- your blog is interesting. i enjoyed how open and verbal you are. your ability to write in such a candid way brings a reader in. i just wanted to give you my support- this whole dating, masturbation/abstaining dilemma seems pretty universal in this forum. probably with most of the humans on earth. i am finding that we may have differing reasons for abstaining, trying for a wet dream or just plain trying to bond with others over shared interests but we all are also bound by a certain search to better ourselves and our particular situations. there is a brotherhood of sorts here- independent of sexual preference- as human males responding to each other out of this shared existence and need. it's very cool and so unfortunately rare. maybe i'm waxing a bit poetic but i hope you get my overall meaning: you are not alone and there are plenty of us who understand and support your efforts. i hope this doesn't sound preachy. take care-- spermgod

Thanks for noticing my Log! I am not sure where the abstaining is going. I did want to have a Wet Dream, but I don't feel that is is going to occur. I believe that you have to have a certain mindset and need to have a dream that would cause you to ejaculate. I am not sure if I have that kind of passion. At the time I was having wet dreams, I had major crushes on some guys. I was just very love sick about the junior high age. I feel that a bit more now. I suppose that is why I am so curious as to the responses the guys at the gym are having with each other. The skaterboy getting a bit hard was so amazing. I am not into young guys, but the way the interacted with each other was so like me then. I really wanted a guy in more of a crush kinda way. I just really feel that he is frustrated that he can't just say,"I think you are hot!" But I also can tell the All American Boy is just eating up the attention and is curious how far he can make this guy go. So many guys just love to be idolized.

[orbit8]

I missed my workouts this week because of pulling muscles from working out too much. I will go back again within the next few days. I can feel my abs and have lost weight and gained muscle. Want to keep it up while I abstain.

[orbit8]

Back at the gym today. Did a light workout. Only excitement was a guy freeballin' doing jumping jacks. Like to see the dicks jump and swing.

Cute country boy talked to me at work. He lives nearby and we have a bit in common. I don't know if he is gay or by. I feel encouraged by an forum on Large Penis Support Group. Many men there seem to have a desire to suck dick. Seems the one thing many straight or bi men want to do is give head or receive it. Hmm. he seems friendly. I saw two of my at work crushes in one day.

The 21st will be a full two months abstaining.

[orbit8]

I have stopped abstaining for now. No wet dreams or signs of the possibility have occurred. My Aneros prostate massager came in the mail and it was a matter of time before I tried it. No big whoop. I was very tight and it did not work it's magic on day one. Later, I tried it and still no real bang. So it was back to using my hands, just very lightly. After abstaining, I did not want to grip my cock too hard to soon. It did not really feel more sensitive or anything. When I came, it did feel more like the first time. Which was weird. Not more cum or shooting further. I had been taking men's prostate health vitamins for two months. I think my orgasm muscles forgot what to do. So I think that I should masturbate more for the effect I wanted. Which is to cum more and shoot further. Not that I was lacking on average. I just thought I could do better.

I also need to go back to the gym more. I want to keep the good habits I developed while abstaining.

[orbit8]

I'm just visiting to say hello and wish you all well.

I stopped abstaining and I am back to my regular habits. Things are a bit different because I am on the Vitamin packs still. I do feel a bit healthier and I am trying to keep working out. Since it is summer, I have been rather busy and don't masturbate when I wish to.

They closed my old gym, and my new gym does not have any hot guys so far. I will have to try different times. I still don't have a boyfriend and I need to work on that.

[orbit8]

So I quit my old job as was unemployed for about three weeks. Now I am back with the previous company and I am slowly recovering financially and emotionally. Now I can think about sex, or the lack thereof.

Seem bad stuff just recycles. I try to deal with it. I really want a good relationship. I did resort to fooling around with some guys at "the park". I don't really have the desire to deal with bars. I should just stay away from the gay websites because they make it look like the world is full of hot horny men. Here, it isn't. I do feel left out.

Sadly, when you are gay, if you don't have the time and money to find a good relationship, bad ones are out there to grab you. So, it is back to the gym and all that to look and act the part. I last abstained for two months. I don't want to do that now, but it did help keep me focused on working out and being available. Money is driving me now. Sex drive soon!