My one-year AB anneversary

[determined11]

Here is a summary of my log (viewtopic.php?f=9&t=4741) .. today I reached one year of AB!!!

[determined11]

8/26/11

On 8/26/11 I realized that I spent most of my time MBing. I spent the whole night edging and then MB 2 to 3 times. During the day, I was absent minded, very tired and not at the best shape mentally or physically. I always wanted the day to pass so that I can go home to edge and MB. Whenever I came across a problem in my life, I go home and MB to forget it. My mind was trained to only release dopamine when I am MBing or edging. Even when I don't feel the need to MB, I just go and watch some youtube video to get excited and MB. I just want dopamine and there was no way for it other than MBing. On 8/26/2011, I watched some youtube videos, browsed profiles on a dating website, and decided to start ABing so I did extra round of binging on MB even though I didn't need them. Here is what I wrote at that day:

so I am back! after my earlier (under a different name) quest last year that lasts for almost 4+ months, I gave up and went back to MB but with much less frequency like once every week or few days. I have to admit that my energey level and motivation have never been the same as it was during my AB (but much better than my 2 times a day MB-life). Recently, I have indulged myself into MB again, like two times every day. I am feeling sick of myself, so I decided to cut back and AB. Seriously, I used to edge every day for almost 5 hours in a row until I gave up and MB! END. no edging no touching from now on..

Day 2 for AB
Day 1 for NO edging

[determined11]

Month 1-3

It was hard at the beginning. I had headache and all that stuff that you get when you withdraw from MB. I told myself, so what , I used to have the same headache when I used to MB. After a few weeks. It gets better but I then lacked motivation. Dopamaine withdrawal was hard on me. I persisted. On the first week or two, I edged one time and I humped the bed once. But neither of those were any close to a full session. They were like a few stroks (like one or two) and then I stopped. After 2 weeks, I decided to stop touching my organ with my hand and enjoy a MB-free and edging-free life. Here is sample of my posts in this period:

day 14 just started

two weeks! awesome!

have been feeling very grumpy and unmotivated lately. When I AB I usually get a good kick in terms of focus and energy but these days are a bit rough on me for some personal reasons. Have been tempted to MB to release the pressure and elevate my mode but resisted. But have been edging like crazy lately. I have been edging for so long today even. I decided to stop and post since I was very close to ejaculating.

From now on my rule is edging is like MB .. if I am AB the I should be AB from both. I will keep two counters from now on

day 14 no MB
day 0 no edging

After a month or two, it was good and I was so pumped :-)

highlight of the day: not touch..no hump..no anything
word of the day: horny
feeling of the day: happy
moral of the day: no refrain... no gain..lets abstain..

[determined11]

Month 4-7

After 4 months came the hardest phase. I was depressed and I had hard time getting a strong erection like I used to get before. Not everything around me excited me as they used to before. I suffered for a few weeks, or a month or two. Here is a sample of my posts:

I am updating this as I really need a lift in my spirit. I am really really psychologically down from many things happening in my personal life. I believe this is the reason why I am not sexually exited recently despite the extra sensitivity I must have built from AB that long. Depression and sexuality never goes together. I hope I can recover from that depression. It really overshadow any T-buzz I am gaining from AB. I see life very dark in front of me. anything iritate me nowadays. I feel everyone around me have ulterior motives. really not the best days in my life. I thought I would be much happier when I reach this milestone but really don't even have any spirit to celebrate it.

After a few weeks, I realized that I had no problem with erections. It all were false expectations. I got excited when something was worthy of excitement not on the mere sight of a girl. That was actually good as I was able to control my desires. After 6 months everything was good.

yet another update in the busy life of everyone.... feeling more horny these days. Morning woods are awesome. Tought time is a head. I guess we ABistaner have to alwasy complain. no horniess, no woods, we feel sad. Woods and horny feelings, we also feel bad. AB is good though and I will continue as much as it takes.

[determined11]

Month 8-12

I was in the phase at which I was expecting to get a wet dream. I was expecting a wet dream anytime after 7-9 months from the moment I started to AB. At various points, I came to this forum to ask for support and many of the comments here helped me to go over this phase. I even made a poll sometime in the 10th month of my AB to see if I should continue or not. I was in a dire need for a release. I am still in a need for a release but I decided to persist at least until I complete a year. Here is how I motivated myself:

the lack of a WD is wearing me off. so I asked myself yesterday, do you want to MB and break it? I was not able to answer. but to help myself, I imagined how a typical Friday-Saturday in my MB-life used to look like. On Friday night, I would MB once or twice. I go to bed very tired, and I sleep until noon or later on Saturday. I wake up on Saturday with morning wood and most likely would do another MB upon waking up. This one used to get very small load. I feel tired, and I lay on bed for another hour or so. I feel so hungry after all this work and I rush out of house wanted to eat an elephant. I go to any buffet and feast on the food until I can not take anymore food. I go out to get a coffee and sit on the chair drinking it and having a very bad headache because of those MBs. until I notice it, it is evening and I am still trying to recover from MB and I am alone doing nothing other than lying on bed, chair, etc. trying to recover. then it is late night already and what to do after all of this time, yet another MB as I am damn boared. And the the same thing repeated on Sunday. but on Sunday I try to stop so as to recover by Monday for work. On Monday I still have some headache and not fully concentrated but I keep pushing and probably will do a MB everynight on weekdays.

NO way I am back to this scenario again. NO NO NO. it is not about a WD now, it is about not moving back to this ugly life style again NO NO.

[determined11]

8/26/2012:

Fast-forward one year. I haven't MBed in the last year. I haven't even edged for almost 12 months. This forum is really awesome. Many people here helped me to go over tough times along the process. Unlike most of the members here who got a WD after a few weeks/months from AB, I didn't. Therefore, I needed to find another motivation for me to continue ABing. There are many. Physically, I look almost 4-6 years younger than the the same time last year (as commented by many people) and I have more energy. I don't need to sleep 12+ hours a day, and now 6-8 hours are more than enough. Mentally, I have more focus and I am sharper, and by far this was a very productive year in terms of work accomplished. So I am not complaining. Here is how I put it before:

I did tons of reading today like over 2-4 hours. During my MB life, I could never be able to do even 15 minutes or even 5 minutes of reading without having headache and lost my concentration. Yet another one more reason why I should AB!

[determined11]

Going forward:

I don't know what I will do. If you follow my log you know that my goal now is to find a relationship so I am working on that. Once I am with a girl, I am not going to AB for sure. In the meantime, I will try to continue to AB. I am meeting my doctor next wee to see if one-year with no release is a problem for my prostate especially that I was excited a lot during my AB period (I read that is a bad combo, I mean excitement with no release http://www.dcnutrition.com/Problems/Det ... Number=226). In the worst case, I might MB just once every month or two just to keep my prostate healthy (or avoid anything sexually exciting altogether -- I prefer to put more effort to avoid MB rathe than MB to solve a consequence of my bad decisions). In other words, I will only MB if I really really have to. Honestly, I don't want to MB at all. I am putting more effort now in working out and being with people most of the time. I will still keep coming here frequently and update you about my progress.

I am now more confident. I feel that I can do anything. Of course 366 days is by the far not the longest AB period that I have seen in this forum, but for me going 366 days was so tough and 366 days with no release is even tougher. However, impossible is nothing. I am happy with where I am now in life and I promised myself that I will avoid MB as much as I can.

[determined11]

Thanks to everyone who reads my log. You all made a big difference and were a big reason for me to continue during tough times.

[LPW]

Wow! Congrats on making it one year!

[abstainftw]

Congrats bro! Thanks for inspiring us newbies
Goodluck on your future endeavors! I know for sure that soon you will meet a woman and have a fruitful relationship together!

Great job!

[Maximus]

Many many heart-felt congratulations!!! It's reality an achievement! I guess one of the biggest awards is knowing you can choose what you do with your body and soul. Well done mate!

[Eleazar]

Let me add my voice too. Congratulations, determined. You have reached a milestone and inspired us in our AB. I hope that you continue to set AB milestones and that MB will never be necessary. Well done and Godspeed.

[bruceduncan]

Congratulations! I hope I can make it to one year too!

-BD

[determined11]

Thanks LPW, abstainftw, Maximus , Eleazar, bruceduncan for your kind words.

I hope this thread helps new comers to stay strong until they achieve their goal!

[Overload]

If you and some other guys can make it for a year, why can't I? I'm always asking this to myself, and can't find a reason.

Congrats!

[RonaldReagan]

Wow! You amaze and inspire me!

[determined11]

If you and some other guys can make it for a year, why can't I? I'm always asking this to myself, and can't find a reason.

Congrats!

Thanks Overload. and Yes, you are right, I too don't find a reason why you can not reach 1 year? So lets put as a new goal and get is done body! you can do it and your body will thank you for doing it when you grow a bit older and be in your 30s!!!

[determined11]

Wow! You amaze and inspire me!

Thanks RR! The feeling is mutual my friend! Without the mutual support we give to each other here, no one would have gone thus far

Keep up the good work!

[Eleazar]

What did ur doc say when u went for prostate exam? Is ur prostate in good health? Are u still planning on ab'ing infrequently for the health of ur prostate?

[determined11]

What did ur doc say when u went for prostate exam? Is ur prostate in good health? Are u still planning on ab'ing infrequently for the health of ur prostate?

I needed to do a Urin and blood test recently so I asked my doctor about this non-release problem and he told me it is not a big deal and your body will take care of accomodating your habit and absortbing the sperms. HE also told me that he found no sperms in the urine so the theory that my body is re-absorbing the sperms is correct. But I am going again soon for a full-body check up and will revisit this point again. He told me that if you release twice a week that would be good and you will get rid of all sperms but not releasing is not a problem after some time. i.e. at the beginning it will irritate me and then my body will get used to that. I didn't talk about prostate health but I will revisit as I said soon.

[frankm]

Congratulations on getting this far! You really inspire and motivate those of us who can't even imagine being able to abstain for one year (like me). Thanks!

[cristoff]

congrats man! i've made it to 188 days before, just over half a year, and holy cow i understand where you're coming from on all of this! WONDERFUL STORY! i was itching with memories of how i felt going through your mental battles in here, the constant drifting back and forth from the world's most difficult question... "to masturbate? or not to masturbate?"

i've noticed lately that i'm on such a schedule since that first long battle for myself getting to 188 that it cleansed me in a beautiful way and i only masturbate maybe once or twice a month and i'm trying to keep it at even less than that but not watching porn made a big difference for me. i can't look at it or it makes me fall off the wagon again and want to go release all the pressure i have built up lately, but i also noticed that i'm seeking mental release in all kinds of healthier ways such as hanging with my family more, chilling with this girl that i'm seeing at the moment, and i'm much more confident in social situations because i have no hanging cloud of mental fog and fatigue hanging over my head all day... but there's always that voice in the back of my head telling me that "it's okay to release just one load" or "you've went long enough, it's time to relax, remember how good masturbating feels?" but i try my best to overcome those thoughts like all of us on here trying to abstain for various reasons.

i really connect with you on this one my AB'ing brother, keep on keeping on. and oh i forget what that one little motto you had written for that one day back in your journal entry but it was a keeper! haha