Blue's Journal/Log

[blue4]

Hey Everyone,

I decided to start a daily log until I get a WD for the first time ever! After today, I am 22 days abstinent. Its been something of a difficult journey to get here, but this week especially has been good since I have been a lot less horny and thus had lower urges to MB. Anyway, stay tuned for updates and thanks a bunch for any support you want to through my way .

[blue4]

Day 22

Today was pretty average, if not a little plain. I worked and then afterwards I ran my errands and went home to relax and play video games. My mind was pretty distracted from that, so I didnt have many urges to MB.

The night was something crazy and I feel its about as close to a WD as I have been. I have been sleeping nude this night and the past week and at around 4:45 am (went to bed at around 12:00), I woke up remembering a dream of 3 or 4 dicks, all but my own which I hadn't seen before, orgasming with my dick being the last one. However, my dick didnt orgasm, I only saw a downward looking image of it and it was at this point that I woke up. Then, my mind picked up on a Lord of the Rings reference "One dick to rule them all." I was probably half asleep at this point and I tried to make myself orgasm/ejaculate by contracting my kegels muscles, but there was no such luck with that.

So over the next 40 minutes or so I changed positions in bed, falling in and out of sleep. Then, at one point at the end of this time, I decided to lay on my back and take my comforter off because I was hot. I fell half asleep again and I had this very full feeling in my balls/scrotum. I then started getting a boner and I had a feeling that this was it, that I was going to finally blow. So, I relaxed my mind and body and started breathing more deeply and slowly. I could feel my body build towards climax and my kegel muscles contracting slightly and I continued my deep and slow breaths. When I got to the peak I had something of a dry orgasm, but the feelings weren't that intense (nothing I would consider a full orgasm or even a small orgasm, that it just my best way of describing it). Basically, I had a few strong contractions of the kegel muscles that were pleasurable, but no more so than the feeling of being real horny.

Needless to say, I was EXTREMELY disappointed. However, I guess that is how things go and better something than nothing (well, maybe...). Despite it being a litte chilly, a couple minutes later I got another full boner, but it was nothing like the last one and just sort of throbbed there for a little while and went away. Eventually I fell asleep again at around 6:00 am (I know my times because I was checking my ipod I keep at my bedside).

Okay- done. Sorry if that is too long or I shared too much; I just remember a lot of stuff/details and thought I would record them.

-blue

[Gauss]

I've experienced that before. Your body feels like it is approaching the point of no return, but there is no payoff and you are just left feeling incredibly horny. On bad nights, this will happen to me repeatedly which makes it hard get a restful sleep. I find that it helps to get up and get a drink of water or read for a few minutes to break the cycle. Hang in there!

[blue4]

Day 23

Today I woke up pretty tired since my sleep was interrupted from my experiences last night. For some odd reason, my hamstrings (the muscle on the inside of the leg. looking at the right leg, it would be the muscle on the lower left "corner") were sore. That really doesnt make sense since I didnt go for a run or do any sort of exercise or stretching that would hit that muscle. Maybe I stretched it in my sleep? Who knows... I also made a point today of "holding back" any semen that would normally leak after I used the bathroom. Dont really know if this helps with anything, but I tried it today nonetheless.

The night was completely uneventful. I slept nude again (I think I will continue to do this until I have a WD) and got a boner before I fell asleep. My body must have been tired or maybe just the brain, but I can't recall anything about my dreams and I slept completely through the night until my alarm went off at 9.

I dont know what I like better- completely sleeping through the night and it being uneventful or waking up with the potential of things happening, but they never do. There is definitely more excitement with the latter, but I guess I just dont know what I prefer. Maybe this means that my body just needed a break from the waking up/boners and it will come back full force tonight. Only time will tell...

-blue

[blue4]

Day 24

Today was more of the same. Work, ran some errands, came home and played trumpet and relaxed. I guess one factor that is affecting me would be some subtle conflict between one of my best friends and myself. It wears on me a bit and puts me into a more depressed mood. I wasn't horny hardly at all today.

The night was a replay of the last one. I dont even think I got a boner before I went to bed. Its like all the horniness/sexual drive was used up in the beginning of this week and the week before that and now I am just empty of it. I think I am becoming more accepting of the fact that there isn't a whole lot I can do to have a WD, its just going to happen, probably out of surprise. I got a few boners this morning while half asleep, but they weren't complete. My dick was the full length that it gets, but it sort of just laid there (not throbbing like a strong boner) and my balls were really lose, where they are usually tight up against me with a complete boner.

What I forgot to mention is what I remember from my dream, which was quite sexual in nature. This is only the 2nd sex dream that I have had or can remember (and in the 1st I had, there wasn't any sex). Anyway, there was some events that happened (which I can't clearly remember) between a guy and a girl (neither of which were me, and I dont know either of them) that led up to a party with a bunch of people dancing (not like a rave, but something more like a stereotypical college/young adult house party you would see in a movie). My focus went to the guy and the girl. They were dancing a little, facing each other, and talking. All of a sudden, the girl unzips the guys pants (not sure if he wore underwear) and shoves the guys erect penis into her vagina and continues sliding his penis in and out of her, all this while standing up. Also, she kept her clothes on, which I thought was a little strange. Shortly after, she starts moaning and then said some bizarre phrase about baby-making. My own emotions were attached to the guy's (so in that way, I guess the guy was me to an extent). There were these feelings of worry and embarrassment because of all the people around. From the events before the party, I think he had come to a point where he didn't want to be with this girl anymore, much less have sex the middle of a dance party. There were no surges of pleasure from the sex and he never orgasmed, just the feelings mentioned before. It was at this point that I woke up and/or the dream stopped.

I have never had sex (by choice) and I haven't watched pornography since I was in 7th grade, so this dream left me a little surprised. Hell, I dont even go to parties like that. I find it real interesting how the subconscious formed that whole situation/dream, but my actual/conscious feelings and emotions came into play. To an extent I am disappointed because if those emotions hadn't come into play, the dream would probably have been a lot more pleasurable (cause it's sex, duh) and maybe would have resulted in a WD. However, I guess it is a comfort knowing that even in my dreams, my morals and opinions stay strong. That's all I have for today. Peace.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 25

I had a lot more free time today as I had no work this morning. I spent a couple hours in the chat room here and did some chores and things around the house. The last half of the day I started to get a little horny and had the slight urge to MB, but nothing over-powering. Spent the last part of the day with my roommates/friends and watched a movie before going to bed.

I continued my streak of sleeping nude and I had a dream last night about some sort of delivery service. I remembered a little more than that this morning, but I didnt record any of it. I did wake up at random times throughout the night, each time sporting a boner and my body was sweating. I dont understand the sweating part. My room is a comfortable temperature and I dont use anything but the comforter. I did drink a lot of water today, so maybe that had something to do with it. Has anyone else had issues with waking up and sweating while you were abstaining? Anyway, still no success in the WD department. The wait continues...

-blue

[Zach]

Day 25

I had a lot more free time today as I had no work this morning. I spent a couple hours in the chat room here and did some chores and things around the house. The last half of the day I started to get a little horny and had the slight urge to MB, but nothing over-powering. Spent the last part of the day with my roommates/friends and watched a movie before going to bed.

I continued my streak of sleeping nude and I had a dream last night about some sort of delivery service. I remembered a little more than that this morning, but I didnt record any of it. I did wake up at random times throughout the night, each time sporting a boner and my body was sweating. I dont understand the sweating part. My room is a comfortable temperature and I dont use anything but the comforter. I did drink a lot of water today, so maybe that had something to do with it. Has anyone else had issues with waking up and sweating while you were abstaining? Anyway, still no success in the WD department. The wait continues...

-blue

hmm thats interesting. lately i have been waking up sweating for some reason, almost every night for the last couple weeks. my room is 70 degrees all day and night +/- 2 degrees according to the monitor. i also use only a comforter and nothing else. never thought it might be because of AB. maybe i need to jerk off and test that theory haha.

[blue4]

Day 25

I had a lot more free time today as I had no work this morning. I spent a couple hours in the chat room here and did some chores and things around the house. The last half of the day I started to get a little horny and had the slight urge to MB, but nothing over-powering. Spent the last part of the day with my roommates/friends and watched a movie before going to bed.

I continued my streak of sleeping nude and I had a dream last night about some sort of delivery service. I remembered a little more than that this morning, but I didnt record any of it. I did wake up at random times throughout the night, each time sporting a boner and my body was sweating. I dont understand the sweating part. My room is a comfortable temperature and I dont use anything but the comforter. I did drink a lot of water today, so maybe that had something to do with it. Has anyone else had issues with waking up and sweating while you were abstaining? Anyway, still no success in the WD department. The wait continues...

-blue

hmm thats interesting. lately i have been waking up sweating for some reason, almost every night for the last couple weeks. my room is 70 degrees all day and night +/- 2 degrees according to the monitor. i also use only a comforter and nothing else. never thought it might be because of AB. maybe i need to jerk off and test that theory haha.

Yeah, I have no idea if they are linked or not. I guess its also worth noting that it was only my upper body from the waist up that was sweating, not the lower half. Don't let a wild theory break your AB though . I think I would feel guilty for sharing then ha ha.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 26

Nothing really to report. The day was average and I was horny around the time I took a nap around 2:00 since I was up late the night before. I actually made the point to take a nap in my bed instead of the couch, just in case I had a WD, but it just ended up being an unnecessary precaution.

The night was restful. I wore briefs instead of being nude tonight to switch it up (and also because they were new and very comfy ). There wasn't any difference though as far as dreams or sleep went. What I did find sort of strange was that I fell asleep on my back, but woke up with my belly down. I usually only switch positions if I wake up during the night and I didnt last night, so I have no idea when it happened. Maybe it had something to do with a dream I had? I can't remember anything or even if I dreamed, so its beyond me. That's all for today.

-blue

[Overload]

Hey Blue! I hope you'll get your WD soon, you're doing great!

[blue4]

Thanks for the encouragement and support you guys, I really appreciate it!

[blue4]

Day 27

Day was average. Nothing really out of the ordinary. Been keeping busy with friends and other things which has been good so I dont really have that much alone time to think about MB'ing or lustful thoughts/fantasizing. I was able to get a run in before I went to bed. Luckily this time it didnt keep me up all night/ruin my sleep.

Sleep, then, was mostly good. I slept nude again started by trying to sleep with my sheets off, but it was just cold enough where I wasn't quite confortable enough without some covers I woke up a few times in the night sweating, sometimes with a boner, sometimes without. One time I started edging/MB'ing by rubbing up against the sheets (and seeing as its pretty sensitive down there, thats all it took). I was no place close to the PONR, but I realized what I was doing and threw my sheets off and let the boner go away. Its just so strange. It like when I am tired, my brain stops working correctly and doesn't even realize what I am doing. I hope that little episode doesn't mess me up too bad for having a WD. Anyways, the last time I woke up was around 3 am and I slept the rest of the night until 9 when I woke up.

This whole process is starting to get old. At this point (or even this entire week), I am not anxious for a wet dream/release very much at all. Truthfully, I just want it to happen so I can know what it feels like and move on from this whole waiting period. Hopefully it wont be too much longer.

-blue

[Squeeze]

You're doung great, blue! Way to fight off temptation. You are a young guy. Keep on course and you will get a WD soon. Just don't try to focus on getting a WD too much bec then you will just get frustrated while you are waiting. Just try to enjoy your extra virility in a positive, more passive way (ie, don't force ot w/mb), and see the eventual WD as the frosting on the cake, not the cake itself. WDs are awesome, but they are not the end all, end all. Living a pure, manly, virule, but self-controlled life is the goal. wDs are just a fruit of that submitted and focused manliness. It's ok to enjoy the pleasurable feelings your body give you sOmetimes, like when a sheet glides across your boner. That is a good, innocent thing! Just don't cross over into rubbing one out. Enjoy your horniness, don't waste it away through MB. When your bodyand mind are ready, you will release the excess in a better, guilt-free, and potentially more pleasurable way ! you have nothing to lose and only character and WDs to gain! (I am preaching to myself here, too...) it can be a huge struggle at times to resist when your body screams out to have its own way, but that is just the tough part of the building character process. It isn't fun and it isn't easy (like starting a workout routine), but once you change your habits, you will adjust and realize that your body was only craving what it already knows and is used to, not what it needs. (like when someone gives up soda or junk food, their body wants it at first even though it's not good for it.)

Read posts here of successful WDers and you will be inspired and see tht you will indeed live and your nuts won't fall off! Also, the testimonials in the yourbrainonporn site are great (even though u don't struggle w/porn) but the guys there are also abstaining from MB, not just porn, and their focus isn't on getting WDs, so you can read abt the positive benefits that they have gained from abstaining, other than just WDs. Those have always inspired me. They talk a lot abt how it helps with relationships with women, too.

[blue4]

Day 28

Today I was rather disappointed in myself. Apart from work, I managed to do pretty much nothing the entire day, even though I had plenty of things that needed to be done. Towards the end of the day I felt like absolute crap and mustered up enough will power to get a run in before I went to bed. I then watched some TV with my roommate, took a shower and messed around on the computer a little while before going to bed.

I slept with briefs on again and the dreams this night were a little elusive, except for one. I distinctly remember cumming in one of my dreams after I had touched myself (not MB'ed or anything, just maybe some light fondling). I remember also the good sensations that come with that. It wasn't an explosive orgasm or ejaculation, just a small amount and it felt good to let it out. I find it worth noting that over the past couple nights, the sweating of the upper body has continued even with a good/comfortable room temperature. I wish I had another suitable blanket to use but all the other ones in the house are too itchy to sleep in for longer than a nap. Anyway, I checked my underwear this morning and there were no cum stains, moisture or any other evidence to suggest that I actually came, it was all just in my dream. That was something of a let down, but hey, I'm okay with that. At least it felt like I got a release on some level, right? That's all to report.

-blue

[blue4]

You're doung great, blue! Way to fight off temptation. You are a young guy. Keep on course and you will get a WD soon. Just don't try to focus on getting a WD too much bec then you will just get frustrated while you are waiting. Just try to enjoy your extra virility in a positive, more passive way (ie, don't force ot w/mb), and see the eventual WD as the frosting on the cake, not the cake itself. WDs are awesome, but they are not the end all, end all. Living a pure, manly, virule, but self-controlled life is the goal. wDs are just a fruit of that submitted and focused manliness. It's ok to enjoy the pleasurable feelings your body give you sOmetimes, like when a sheet glides across your boner. That is a good, innocent thing! Just don't cross over into rubbing one out. Enjoy your horniness, don't waste it away through MB. When your bodyand mind are ready, you will release the excess in a better, guilt-free, and potentially more pleasurable way ! you have nothing to lose and only character and WDs to gain! (I am preaching to myself here, too...) it can be a huge struggle at times to resist when your body screams out to have its own way, but that is just the tough part of the building character process. It isn't fun and it isn't easy (like starting a workout routine), but once you change your habits, you will adjust and realize that your body was only craving what it already knows and is used to, not what it needs. (like when someone gives up soda or junk food, their body wants it at first even though it's not good for it.)

Read posts here of successful WDers and you will be inspired and see tht you will indeed live and your nuts won't fall off! Also, the testimonials in the yourbrainonporn site are great (even though u don't struggle w/porn) but the guys there are also abstaining from MB, not just porn, and their focus isn't on getting WDs, so you can read abt the positive benefits that they have gained from abstaining, other than just WDs. Those have always inspired me. They talk a lot abt how it helps with relationships with women, too.

Thanks Squeeze. Its not so much that I even have much of an urge to MB anymore. The idea will come and go throughout the day, but its never an "OMG, YOU NEED TO GET OFF RIGHT NOW OR YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!" sort of feeling. I have definitely been reaping some of the benefits of being abstinent. I have felt more energy, drive and self confidence (or self image, if there is any difference). Also, the urge for a WD has decreased from what it was. Before (like the first couple weeks of AB and prior to that), I was mentally and physically anxious for it hard core. Now I barely have anxiety about it at all, I just get a little ticked off at situations like last night or a few nights ago when I was pretty much on the verge of a release, but the body decides not to commit. I also get a little angry at how vulnerable (and stupid, to put it more simply) I get when I wake up in the middle of the night. Like two nights ago, I dont think having the occasional sheet rub against me is bad, just when I am the one doing it (moving my body around, etc. so that I am getting more pleasure from it, which is MB'ing). That would never (at least, given the past week) happen if I was awake and it just sucks that the mind can't at least get abstinence right even when it may be tired. Anyway, I am not mad at you or anything, just explaining myself a little better.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 29

Goodness. That would make today day 30. Crazy. Anyway, today was pretty average. I got out of my rut of apathy and cleaned my room after work. Then, I worked on playing the trumpet and managed to hit some notes above middle C, which has been a struggle so it was really awesome to get past that wall. It was a rainy day today and I think that worked towards making me more tired than usual, so I went to bed at 11:00 rather than sometime around 12:00.

I honestly can't remember much of the night at this point. While falling asleep (wore briefs again, just for the record) I had some partially involuntary (if that makes any sense at all) contractions of the PC muscle that felt pretty good. Apart from that, my dreams are a blank, I think partly do to some stress I have been through today. I woke up at around 8:00 with a boner and some horniness, but decided to go back to sleep until 9:00 when my alarm went off. That's all.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 30

The month mark. Hooray and all that jazz! I feel like I am just posting more of the same thing lately (not that it's a bad thing necessarily). I have no big elevation in horniness and no crazy urges to MB. Last night I slept right until morning as we had nice, cool weather and I am out like a light when that happens. Nothing else to report.

Given my current attitude/situation, I am going to start logging less frequently. If there are any big changes in mood (or of course a wet dream ), I will be sure to say so. Thanks for the continued support and what not guys. I hope at least a few of you are finding my thoughts helpful.

-blue

[ruqas]

Congrats on the 30 day mark blue! That's a big one!

I remember hearing that after about 3 weeks of doing/not doing something it becomes a habit so good job on so far on abstaining =D

[traveling guy]

blue4-

Nice job abstaining and congratulations on making it to 30 days. In your log there is good evidence that you can succeed in getting a wd. It is helpful that there is no porn and you have learned how to avoid mb. There have also been some erotic dreams which to me means your brain is working on trying to figure out a new way to release. Based on my experience wd's are really cool and it is worth the wait.

Just a note. When you get a wet dream there may be a huge urge to mb. I recommend continueing to abstain. In my case I was rewarded with a second wd within one week of my first adult wd.

I wish you continued abstaining success and hope wd's start happening soon.

TG

[blue4]

Day 36

Last night's experience is worth noting/new news. Over the past week or so I've been working through and dealing with feelings of loneliness, one of my biggest anxieties. With that anxiety has came a stronger urge to MB. Yesterday I was entertaining the thought of how nice a release would be and how good it would make me feel. Those feelings are false, though, as those feelings would be short lived and not worth breaking my abstinence over.

Last night was a little restless. I had a lot of dreams about one of my guy friends/roommates and how his good looks got him a lot of attention, both from the people in our house and my younger sister, whom he has never actually met, had a crush on him (I'm not gay or anything, just so you all know, he's just an attractive guy). Anyway, after those dreams I had a dream about peeing, but the flow was very slow/constricted because I had a boner and I was trying to point it downwards into the toilet. I then woke up and was half asleep and completely still. My senses were numbed, it seems, as I couldn't feel anything but soft, small feelings of my dick moving under the covers, but couldn't really tell if I had a boner or not. Upon waking up from the peeing dream, I thought for sure that I had had a wet dream or at least ejaculated, but I never made the move to check.

As I was laying there, I felt (sort of) a boner coming on and my heart started beating faster and I could feel my body building towards an orgasm. I started taking deep, short breaths all the while staying completely still. As I grew towards climax, my breathing got a little shorter and my PC muscle started contracting involuntarily. Then, the moment passed. Again, no orgasm, precum or anything, just like the last time this happened. Over the next half hour, I remained still and this sort of build up happened 3 more times, although they weren't as intense as the first time. This happened from 5-5:30, roughly 6 hours after I fell asleep.

The experience was frustrating, but about as equally bizarre. It's like my body doesn't know how to orgasm/ejaculate or something. It can do everything else from basically paralyzing me to making my heart race and even get the PC muscle going, but it can't finish the job. It isn't horribly discouraging or anything and I am not wavering from abstaining, just really strange. Hopefully it means that it almost has stuff figured out down there. Peace.

-blue

[Squeeze]

Wow, crazy experience! thanks for sharing. Yeah, hopefully your body is starting to figure out how to go on autopilot when it needs to, ha. It would be cool to have a spontaneous ejac like that.

On the lonliness side, I hear you man. How good/deep are your friendships with other guys? Do you get out much socially?
I can also understand feeling a bit jealous of another guy, even a friend, who has the looks and seems to effortlessly get all the attention from the ladies. You were prolly feeling that deep down inside and your subconscious was processing that. I've found that if I feel that way abt someone then if I come in the opposite spirit and bless that person and thank God for how he's blessed him and pray that that person will use their strengths for good things then that just breaks that envy I had and I feel so much better. I'm not saying you feel that way abt that guy when u are awake, but if you do, that might help.

[blue4]

Wow, crazy experience! thanks for sharing. Yeah, hopefully your body is starting to figure out how to go on autopilot when it needs to, ha. It would be cool to have a spontaneous ejac like that.

On the lonliness side, I hear you man. How good/deep are your friendships with other guys? Do you get out much socially?
I can also understand feeling a bit jealous of another guy, even a friend, who has the looks and seems to effortlessly get all the attention from the ladies. You were prolly feeling that deep down inside and your subconscious was processing that. I've found that if I feel that way abt someone then if I come in the opposite spirit and bless that person and thank God for how he's blessed him and pray that that person will use their strengths for good things then that just breaks that envy I had and I feel so much better. I'm not saying you feel that way abt that guy when u are awake, but if you do, that might help.

Yeah, it was really weird. Last time I had this happen was on day 22, 14 days ago and it was even around the same time of night (that 5-6 am hour). If that is any indication of how often I would be getting WD's (considering I start having them) I would be pretty cool with that. Once every 2 weeks would be quite livable

Socially I do pretty well. Like I am no huge extravert or anything like that, but I find things to do with friends/roommates most days of the week. What I think I have been lacking is quality time and meaningful conversation, which when I can have that with other people makes me feel trusted and loved. The guy friend that I am jealous of (good Lord you read me like a book on that one) is like a brother to me. He's a strong person in his faith and has been a great friend and support to me since we are in about the same place as far as age, relationship with Christ, etc. I think the jealousy came up out of admiration for him. Like I said, he is good looking and always seems to be out and about doing things with other people. Originally, I used that as motivation for myself to get out more and exercise so that I can feel better about my self-image, etc. Lately, we haven't talked a whole lot (that lack of quality time/conversation) and I have felt that I really am not being social enough with my friends and generally have been bumming around the house more than I should. So, instead of admiration and motivation, the feelings changed to jealousy and envy. We are hanging out tonight and my plan is to just tell him how I have been feeling about him and where I am at with stuff since I believe that I should confess my sins (jealously and envy) to him rather than let those feelings sit and fester. The prayer idea was a good idea too, but considering how well I know him and our relationship, I figured that it would be quicker and easier to be more forward and direct about it. Thanks for the support Squeeze and everyone else!

-blue

[Squeeze]

Cool, man, let me know how it goes!

[blue4]

Day 44

Still going strong with abstinence, but still no WD. My urge to MB has been unchanging. I occasionally have the urge, but it is not very often, maybe once every 3 or 4 days, and not a huge, strong urge either. I have also, at least for now, conquered my loneliness anxiety. During that period, my urge to MB was more frequent: my body really wanted to medicate those feelings with a release/orgasm, but I prevailed! Ho-Rah!

My dreams/sleep have been rather uneventful. I can't remember most of my dreams and the nights have been restful without me waking up randomly. It is still a ways off (6 days), but I am curious to see that if at the 2 week mark I will have another one of those temporary paralyzed, body is working towards orgasm experiences late at night or if it was just coincidence that it happened that way the last time. Either way, I am ready for a WD. I mean how crazy is it that your body can work with your dick and reproductive system to let loose orgasm without any help? That's just wild. Anyway, that's all I have to report/say. Peace.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 51

IT HAPPENED!!!

I am recording during the day instead of in hindsight. SO MUCH CHANGE! Anyway, today I have been particularly horny, even during the middle of the day I got a pretty huge boner while I was alone at home, which never happens. Turns out that my 14 day hypothesis wasn't true. That would have been last night that it should have happened. Anyway, from how today has been going, maybe tonight is the night. It's getting me hard just thinking about it... Wish me luck fellas!

I finally had a wet dream! However, the night was sort of unrestful. I kept on getting tons of boners and having dreams that continued throughout the night. My dreams were very homoerotic in nature, but seeing as I am not gay or bi, it was really strange (I have had thoughts/struggles with homosexuality in the past, but that is done with). Anyway, one dream I was in a hospital room and the patient had just died. Suddenly, a girl that was also in the room screamed and there was a dead person (not the patient) whom I recognized (but I dont know in real life) who had come back to life and from my assessment seemed to be possessed by something. The zombie/possessed person was leering at me and coming after me. That dream ended by me waking up. The next dream was of Barney Stinson (from the show How I Met Your Mother) having anal sex with a large man with a large dick. Barney was talking and was resistant to the whole act, but seemed to be tolerating or even enjoying himself a little. The next dream I was at a house, which felt like home, but it wasn't my house and a guy friend of mine saw a book on my bed that was either about masturbation or wet dreams (although I think that it was masturbation) and there was a weird tension and awkwardness about it (as would be expected).

I was tossing and turning a lot and I gained enough consciousness to realize that I was kind of sweaty and my blanket was a little moist from my sweat and very hot, so I took it off and flipped over to sleep on my stomach since it was a little cold in my room and I didn't want my dick to be cold. Eventually I fell back asleep and I had a brief scene from the house dream with the book. I was explaining about the book to my friend and I think I said something along the lines of "What do you think about this stuff?" During that, though, I got a huge boner, but my dick was pointing downwards and I had underwear on, so there was a lot of tension (it was odd that I had underwear on during the dream since I was sleeping nude) that was pleasurable. I woke at this point with a huge boner, but no cum or ejaculate.

Eventually laying on my back got uncomfortable and my blanket had cooled down so I flipped back on my back, put my blanket on and fell asleep. Eventually, I flashed back to the zombie/possessed person dream. I was at a park and the person was chasing me. I fell down and he elbowed me in the anal area and I made a groan of pleasure (I would assume from him pressing on my prostate in the right way) and immediately after that he penetrated my anus, with his dick, hand or something else, I dont know. I woke up in a somewhat paralyzed state at this point with a huge boner and thought that maybe I had cum a little, but wasn't sure since I had my blanket would have caught it. After I felt like I could move again, I checked my blanket and sure enough, I had cum! It wasn't a huge amount (I definitely was no where near empty of my cum), but it wasn't precum and I felt a little bit of what was left on my dick and it was more squishy and thick than precum is. I then had a HUGE urge to masturbate, probably because I knew I wasn't emptied out, but I resisted that urge and waited to see if I would fall asleep again and have another, more full dream to "finish things off" but it didn't happen. I then got up since I really needed to pee and I then went back to sleep. The ejaculating dream happened around 6:20 am (about 7 hours after I went to sleep).

I thought it was kind of strange how much cum came out. I have read before that during anal sex (between guys of course) that the guy receiving can cum a little from, well, the other dude's dick ramming into his prostate. Given that something similar to that happened in my dream and that I didnt blow a full load, it's sort of weird how those two things went together. Maybe it's just pure coincidence and I can't speak from experience (haven't ever and not planning on ever having anal sex with anybody, much less a guy). Anyway, that's where I'm at. Needless to say, I am in a REALLY good mood today and still pretty horny. Maybe tonight I will have have another WD to finish up what I started (but hopefully not as homosexual in nature). Thanks guys.

-blue

[traveling guy]

blue4 -

Congratulatons on dream. I know it is very exciting to see results from abstaining and it is also neat to see how brain can work with body for getting to point of cumming.

TG

[Squeeze]

Hey, man! As weird as those dreams were, that's awesome that you had a WD and got at least a little bit of relief! Haha, being boned by a zombie--that's pretty funny! ;-)

It's interesting though that what you felt im the dream that made you cum was pressure/pleasure in your prostate area. Makes me wonder if a WD, since it seems from multiple guys' accounts here that they rarely involve any kind of direct stimulation to a guy's penis (I know that almost all of the WDs I had when I was younger happened when I was lying on my back, so no direct penis pressure or anything). So, I wonder now if a WD, at least on a physical level, not mental, somehow generates more from his prostate?

Guys don't normally get a WD until they have been abstaining for a while, and so prostate fluid/pressure (and probably also seminal vesicle fluid/pressure) have built up. Most guys say that the orgasm they get from a WD is deeper feeling and lasts longer than a normal MB or sex orgasm - a penile derived one. But a WD is internally triggered. By your mind, accompanied by a dream usually, but physically I wonder if a guy's prostate is the major player? We will feel pleasure in our dick, sure, but maybe it doesn't generate there. Guys usually don't feel as drained afterwards with a WD (drained in the sense of that emotional/energy low we often get after Mbing). I've heard from guys who have been able to get a "prostate orgasm" from using a toy like am aneros describe it similarly--like it's a "deeper," whole body type orgasm, not as much fluid comes out, and they don't feel as drained afterwards. So this all makes me wonder if a WD orgasm/ejac is kinda 1/2 way between a stictly prostate orgasm and a regular/MB penis orgasm? Hmmm.... Maybe that's why they can be so intense?!

[blue4]

That would be interesting to know. When I had my WD, I am pretty sure I didn't orgasm (or if I did, it was very brief and I didn't feel it that much) and I only cummed a small amount. I was actually laughing at myself a little on friday (or maybe it was thursday) because after I had a bowel movement a little cum came out like it has been basically since I started AB'ing. I found it sort of funny cause I was thinking to myself "That didn't take long" because it was only a couple days since my WD and already things are flowing normally down there.

Anyway, from reading other people's experiences with WD's, I feel like it is a strong combination of both MB and that prostate orgasm you are talking about. MB, because when you MB the load that you blow usually correlates to how long you have been AB'ing with there being a pretty definitive difference from when you MB every day and the load you blow verses when you AB for a week (or even a couple days) and then MB you get a much bigger load. Seeing as you have been "saving up" for a month or more for a WD, the general experience is a huge load of cum. Then, the prostate orgasm in where the orgasm itself is much deeper and more pleasurable than MB or sex. I can't speak much from experience, but that is my take on things.

Aside from that topic, I am really glad my body finally "figured things out" down there in terms of having a WD, even if it wasn't a "full blown" one like others have experienced and described. Another thing that I think is more than a coincidence now is that I had my WD 15 days since my last near WD/super horny night experience. The one before that was a 14 day span from the first one. Given that, maybe 2 weeks (or roughly that amount of time) is my body's timer for a release. Every other night in between those times has been normal in that I will sleep throughout the entire night without any boners, save for the morning wood. I am super intrigued now to see if this will continue in that pattern, be a shorter amount of time or a longer span of time (although I really hope it won't be longer!).

As for the dreams, yeah, they were super bizarre. I am not discouraged or anything by them though and it just goes to prove that the brain can go wherever it wants in terms of dreams. I very rarely have sexual dreams, much less gay ones, but that's what went down for it to happen. Anyway, it's interesting stuff. Peace.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 66

Tonight I think I had a dry orgasm. My first dream was of me and and a few of my friends were at a restaurant. My best friend periodically would get out of our booth and have to pee in a bottle right in front of us. We didn't think much of this, but one time (the last time) he got up and got his bottle out to pee in it, but instead of peeing in it he started sucking his own dick, which had a lot of the visual characteristics of mine, but seemed a little thicker (I've never actually seen his dick in real life). There were some girls in a booth behind us and they started giggling and pointed and my friend started playing it up more, trying to get more of the girls' attention. I got frustrated and said something like "really? what the heck are you doing?" and that's when I woke up.

The second dream, where I had my dry orgasm, was bizarre. I don't remember as many details, but I was walking into my room naked (maybe from taking a shower or something) and then I crouched down on my hands and knees beside my bed and had a short orgasm (that felt pretty good) followed by an explosive ejaculation. Like it went everywhere. Then, I remember telling someone something like "That wasn't expected at all. I didn't see that coming." as if I had some prior knowledge that this was going to happen (weird, right?). At this point I woke up with a huge boner and it didn't go away until I fell asleep maybe 20 minutes later.

My last WD was 15 days ago, so my theory on how often my body tries to release seems to keep being proven true. However, I wonder if it has anything to do with my expectations. Like because I know that the 14-15 day thing seems to be a pattern I WANT the release to happen and thus my body tries to do it. I am hoping that I have an actual WD tonight or soon since I am feeling really "full" down there and kind of horny today. Plus, I just like to/want to cum. After MB'ing for 17 years, I think my brain has made some connection with pleasure/happiness and cum, perhaps because the best orgasm experiences I have had have resulted in a lot of cum and because I am so accustomed to it. I dunno. Maybe it is just a weird obsession. That's all I have for now.

-blue

[blue4]

Day 92

It happened again. I had my 2nd WD last night.

Sorry for the lack of updates. School has started up and I have been busy with school as well as friends and living life. In any case, the past 2-3 weeks I have been super sexually frustrated/anxious. My 14 day theory broke down and it was at that point (that would be around day 75 or so) that my body really started wanting a release. A few times I came really close to MB, but I persevered mostly because I didn't want to break my 2+ month streak. Thankfully, last night, I got my release.

The dream wasn't like the past ones where I have had a WD or close experiences. The dream wasn't erotic in nature at all and there were no dreams before or after it (that I can remember anyways). In the dream, I was in some sort of concession stand or trailer out in the woods and I was leaning on the counter with 1 person to my left and another to my right on the outside of the trailer. There may have been a conversation going on between me and the person to my left, but I can't remember for sure. At some point, my perspective switched to the person on the right and he suddenly ejaculated into his underwear (which I believe is when I must have came myself). I believe he then ran off and the other person started yelling "He's a Catcher!" or something to that effect. I was very confused at this point (my perspective switched back to me) and I then woke up to find a whole lot of thick, sticky cum. I was going commando again, but it wasn't much of a mess since most of it shot onto my waist area and trickled down some from there. I also didn't have a boner when I woke up and given where the cum landed, I think I may have ejaculated without being erect which is kind of interesting. Has anyone else ever thought you may have came without being erect? Additionally, I have no memory of an orgasm, in the dream or otherwise, so if it happened, it must not have been very intense. However, right after I woke up I felt relieved that I had a WD and my sexual frustration was non-existent today (here's to hoping for an explosive, memorable orgasm though ). After cleaning up, I was really unrestful and after about 15 minutes or so of that, I got up and got some water, peed and then was fine for the rest of the night.

There were some significant dietary and exercise changes that happened the day before that I think may have caused the dream to happen. 1) I drank more water that day because I have had a lot of problems with cotton mouth during the night and 2) I worked out that day with some friends, leaving my arms sore and me pretty tired. I guess there is no proof that I can say these things made me have a wet dream, but I am going to try to remain hydrated and active to see if I can't get back on my 14 day cycle (and hopefully more frequent wet dreams). Thanks for reading guys.

-blue