Eleazar's WD Journal

[Overload]

Look, your body gave you a present! Maybe timing was bad, but it made you feel better, eh?

Stay strong!

[Rey92]

body present! Like, if you unwrap a present there's a sudden splooge?

E, be strong!!! Keep cool.

[Eleazar]

DAy 126/18 of AB from mb/porn

AM
Thanx, Rey and Overload, a great present it was indeed.

So, last night I slept pretty soundly. I had a couple of dreams which I remember but vaguely. No WD though, which is cool. I am content.

Thank you for your support, guys. It is very much appreciated.

[Eleazar]

Day 129/20 of AB from mb/porn

AM
Last night I read up on ball stretching, for some reason, and woke up to my right hand pulling my balls. I removed my hand and went back to sleep almost immediately. I woke up round about 5am with one strong morning wood that only went away after 15 minutes. When I went to the bathroom this morning I involuntarily expelled some semen.

[wtdra]

Day 129/20 of AB from mb/porn

AM
Last night I read up on ball stretching, for some reason, and woke up to my right hand pulling my balls. I removed my hand and went back to sleep almost immediately. I woke up round about 5am with one strong morning wood that only went away after 15 minutes. When I went to the bathroom this morning I involuntarily expelled some semen.

Wow, It's not easy to reach 100 day... You have already reached 129 so, it is more then amazing. What can I say? Best of luck bro!

[Eleazar]

DAY 129/21 of AB from mb/porn

AM
Thanx, guys.

Yesterday I made a mistake with the date. Today is actually day 129 of ab'ing from mb. So, I've been a bit naughty in that I searched for stories of people who like camping naked. I don't know why I like searching for these things. I came across a story (the only one I read in that search, btw) that was not graphic at all in its nature. It was like some of the posts on here. I felt bad because of the search that I did and thought that maybe I should build up a friendship with some nudist guys on here. Maybe that would keep me from performing such searches. But, then I contemplated it a bit more and came to the conclusion that such a relationship will serve no good purpose. We will exchange our experiences (he will have more to talk about than me) and then what? So, I discarded that thought.

I demi'd some girls yesterday at a tutorial. When I saw them, I thought, "Oh Lord, help me!" coz they were dressed in low hanging tops that showed a lot of cleavage. So, I helped with the work and ever so often my gaze would drop involuntarily. Sometimes they would cover themselves. It was not my intention to make them uncomfortable or anything like that or even to be enamoured by their breasts. But, it happened. It felt so weird. My question is: why wear such cleavage showing tops if you know that they draw the attention of guys?

Also, last night or early this morning I sleep jerked. I was dreaming about looking for sex positions on the internet. I was learning about all sorts of interesting things. While doing this I started mb'ing in my dream and in real life. As usual I didn't cum nor reach the point of no return neither did I have the will to finish. I woke up a little while into the mb session - my hand cupping my balls and holding my penis. The story that I read on about nude camping had something in it about sex positions which I believe triggered the dream and mb session. I used to beat off while reading about sex positions in women's and men's magazines when I was a teen.

This morning and yesterday I started expelling a few drops of pre-cum. Tbh, it mostly welled up on the tip of my urethra. It looks as clear as urine, but does not have the same viscosity.

I'm not resetting my porn counter since the content matches the content on WDF. But, my guard is up now.

[Rey92]

Good job, E. Hands off down there as much as possible.

[Eleazar]

DAY 132/24 of AB from mb/porn

PM
I hear u, Rey, n avoid it with all costs.

I had a WD this morning on day 131/23. The load was massive, but i couldn't see the full extent of it coz i slept in my black pj pants. I was too tired to take it off after doing some reading last night. In fact, I thought i had taken it off, but i guess i dreamt it (just as my head hit the pillow). I can't remember the dream either. All i can say is that it was pleasurable. I slept soundly.

I have quit studying the non-orgasmic sex stuff because it is based in tantra and uses energy channeling. It goes against my beliefs and i definitely dont want to channel the life essence of the universe. So, I'm done with it.

I had a great afternoon as we had a seminar on our church's history globaly as well as localy.

One thing that i learned is that the channeling of sexual energy inhibits WDs.

[hardwood]

Will done E!!

Seems like you had a great WD. Maybe just as well that you had PJ pants on if it was a big load as it sounds like it might have been a big mess to clean up!!! I would have thought the WHITE stuff would have showed up more on balck than other colours.

Guess you hoping for more now!!

[Rey92]

[Overload]

Congrats El! So happy for you.

[Eleazar]

Day 134/26 of AB from mb/porn

PM: end of day
Thank you, guys.

On Sunday night (day 133/25) I had two WD. It can only be described as "Cum Falls". The dream of the first one I cannot remember and during the second one I dreamed about "Gangnam Style". I watched the music vid and its parodies earlier in the day. The first one happened during the first two of sleeping and second one within an hour of going back to sleep. For the first one my penis was flaccid and resting on the right side of my pubic area. I shot a massive load which caused cum to run over and down my right hip as well as coat my balls and part of my perineum. Some cum collected on the bed sheet under my hip.

I wasn't aware that I had had a WD so I woke up when everything was basically done and repositioned my still flaccid penis to rest on my inner thigh. I drifted off to sleep and dreamed about "Gangnam Style" and woke up as I came. It was a thin stream of cum that also made it up over my thigh. I checked to see what the damage was like and got an erection. I wanted to go back to sleep but the boner just made it impossible so I went to the toilet to take a leak. On the way there the boner went away and I could relieve myself of the urinary pressure. Back to bed I went and slept like a log.

Nothing much has happened since then except that I've been noticing women's breasts again today.

[Barkin]

Man... PSY really gets the mojo workin', doesn't he, Eleazar? Funny story! And you've got a good record going, there. :-)

[Eleazar]

For sure, Barkin.

[Rey92]

oppan gangnam style

[Eleazar]

Day 137/29 of AB from mb/porn

AM
@95%: I've mostly been erect whenever I have wd's. That's why I made a note of it in my previous account. It was peculiar. The only other time when I was flaccid during a that I can remember was
when I shot my load about 14-16 cm on the bed. I can't remember what AB day that was on.

I had a wd last night. And as it has been the case lately I can't remember the dream. (I was reading up on the B-vitamins early this morning and found that vit. B5 improves dream recall. So I'll be taking my vitamins from now on.) Anyways, the load was of average volume and I was erect when I came. I didn't wake up immediately after the dream nor when I reached the point of no return as I usually do. Instead, my flatmate woke me up as he moved around in the kitchen. I suspected that I'd had a wd though so I felt down there and made contact with some stickiness. I was still leaking cum though. But some of the cum on the bed sheet was starting to dry. When I got up a little while later there were some large flakes on the bed sheet. I was laying on my left side during the whole wd experience.

I got back into bed and tried to sleep but ever so often just as I was drifting off to sleep my flatmate made jolted me back to reality. In all instances I had just started to dream when he woke me up.

So at 02:45am I decided that enough is enough and sat on my desk by the window until 05:50am. My day started at this point. Between 3 and 5 am I didn't sit on my desk the whole time I made some chicory (I don't drink caffeine) and moved about the apartment.

[wtdra]

I don't know how have you reached 137th day, but it is amazing. What is more, nice to hear, that you had a wd! You are really good example how many days we would have to reach.

I wish you the best, maybe you will get another wd soon.

[seqiro]

Congrats on your journey!! Quite a feat you've accomplished

[Eleazar]

Thank you, Seqiro and wtdra.

I just blew my ab from porn. I wanted to see something sexual and did a Youtube search. I did watch porn per se, but in the side bar showed some deleterious stuff. So I'm resetting my counter because of the desire that was in my heart.

I'm feeling the same way about this failure as I felt after I mb'd back in the day. *sigh*

Tomorrow night I begin my next porn reboot attempt.

Day 140/00 of AB from mb/porn

[frankm]

It's so hard to resist sometimes... We fool ourselves by thinking that a "mere" Google or Youtube search is allowed... I like your attitude towards this (that you're resetting the counter because of the desire that was in your heart).

I like the scripture that was posted in another topic:

Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

Good luck and don't give up!

[hardwood]

I like the scripture that was posted in another topic:

Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

Good luck and don't give up!

Thats so true of life!!

I guess whatever we do it always does have consequences. The hard thing somtiems is to stop the first part of this STEP - then we wont suffer the consequences.

I think we all would need to RESET our counters if we were doing a porn AB like you. You have been GREAT. Keep up the good work!

[Eleazar]

I like the scripture that was posted in another topic:

Can a man scoop fire into his lap
without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?

Good luck and don't give up!

Thats so true of life!!

I guess whatever we do it always does have consequences. The hard thing somtiems is to stop the first part of this STEP - then we wont suffer the consequences.

I think we all would need to RESET our counters if we were doing a porn AB like you. You have been GREAT. Keep up the good work!

Thank you, frankm and hardwood. I agree completely with what you said, frank.

Here's an update:

Day 140/00 of AB from mb/porn

AM
So last night I sleep jerked. I was really going to get into it (consciously) as soon as I started to "get into it" I decided to stop. I woke up numerous throughout the night to find myself clutching or playing with my penis. The last time I woke up I just rolled onto the right side of my body. I didn't feel any pleasure at all. Everything was so mechanical. So anyway, after rolling onto the right side of my body, I felt my flaccid penis become erect and cum push through my dick. As it moved through the shaft my penis got sore and I ejaculated a couple of drops. I had a boner for a while and then I drifted off to sleep. I don't know whether this is an SE or a WD because I was dreaming before I woke up. I felt my heart rate increase and everything, but very little pleasure.

I also experienced some crazy dreams last night that are just too muddled to relate.

So I don't know whether the ejaculation I experienced was a result of sleep jerking or of a dream that I had. I have another motto though: "When in doubt assume the best." So since I'm doubting I will go with WD/SE.

[Eleazar]

Day 140/00 of AB from mb/porn

PM: end of day
I finally realised where all this horniness and restlessness stems from. I must organise a programme for my church's youth on Friday night. It will be our last for the year and I didn't have a cooking clue as to the programme should be about. I sent out an e-mail to my team mates, but they hadn't replied because I wanted to incorporate their ideas. I also wanted to give four of the young people in the youth group parts to do, but was not willing to face rejection again. So, I was stressing like crazy. Unfortunately for me I didn't remember how I dealt with this kind of stress in the past. I wrote a guide for myself in the past, but God only knows where it is. So, I identified that this is cause for my concern and acted on it this afternoon. The programme is sorted now. And I can rest easy tonight.

Thank you very much for the encouragement, guys. It is much appreciated.

[seqiro]

Keep up the good work Identifying and correcting triggers is the first step to being able to master your bodies urges and stresses.

[stevieg]

keep at it man, your doing great so far

[Overload]

Awesome, dude! You're doing great, keep going and don't let your urges control you!

Good luck!

[paul61]

140 days! wow guys like you are a real insperation to those of us just starting ABing.

i know i find porn a real trigger, one look and im at it and having to go back to day 1. the fact that you can continue to AB from MB after viewing porn is a credit to your determiniation. well done

[Eleazar]

Day 141/01 of AB from mb/porn

PM: end of day
Thank you for the encouragement, guys.

@seq: I see it as a journey. As long as we learn from our mistakes and missteps in life (and especially in AB) and not repeat them, it is all worth it. Although I would prefer not to make those mistakes and missteps but c'est la vie.

@Overload: I will do my utmost best, bro.

@95%: Thanks, buddy.

@paul61: It demonstrates that it is not impossible to AB from the one and not the other and that you can do it too.

[Eleazar]

Day 143/03 of AB from mb/porn

AM
So far my porn AB has been going well. However, my mb AB has been a little shaky in that Tuesday night I sj'd like crazy. I was so tired when I woke up Wednesday morning. My dreams were really muddled and crazy. I was mb'ing in my dreams and was looking forward to cumming. But, in reality I was fighting the sj with everything I got. It wasn't as hectic as Sunday night's one though. I wasn't fully conscious on Tuesday night.

Last night I also sj'd but it was very mellowed. I only woke up thrice. I had some solo erotic dreams too. This morning it feels as if I will pop a boner and SE. My dick feels full and heavy. So, I'm HORNY again.

[Overload]

Careful what you think or imagine, dude. Anything may make your urges go crazy. Be patient and stay strong!