NearlyFifty's log

[NearlyFifty]

Thank you for the good wishes, El, BD & Max!

In the past 3 days, I am grateful I have had little temptation to look at porn: had a few work-related meetings in the evening and have been using my free time for more productive things such as reading.

Also, I've had one of more dry orgasms each of the last 3 nights, not just as I was falling asleep but a few began a few hours into the sleeping phase and I awoke in the middle of them. Also, I've been having more vivid dreams and remembering them better pretty well (usually I don't even recall dreaming during the night at all when I wake up in the morning). So, the interesting AB journey continues!
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Another 2 weeks have past, making it 4 weeks porn-free! However, the past 2 weeks I've had a few times I almost began going down that road: something attractive caught my eye and I started to Google something else, but I am grateful I found the strength to stop before I went the next step. A reminder that I need to be constantly vigilant in the battle against porn!

I've continued to have a dry orgasm most nights these past two weeks, tho I've stopped remembering most of my dreams. I recall one erotic dream, but don't remember if a dry orgasm was associated with it. My journey to AB from manual and visual stimulation continues ...
--NF

[Eleazar]

Hi NF, Congrats with making 4 wks porn-free. I got to 3 wks but due to a stupid mistake (ignored my reservations) I violated the terms of my AB. Now I am back to day 1 on the porn-free front.

Good going, NF!

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks for the good wishes, Eleazar! I hope after your reset you have been able to stay porn-free yourself. I've made it another 3 weeks without porn, although twice I did start to search out some arousing images, but simply told myself to stop and to get on with whatever it was I was planning on doing that evening, which gives me hope!

The dry orgasms have become more irregular: I won't have one for a few nights and then I'll have 2 in one night (one as I'm falling asleep, and another while sleeping during which I awake). I also think I'm sleeping more deeply and dreaming more, as my alarm has awakened me in the middle of a dream a number of times these past 3 weeks and I've even remembered the details of a few of them; but, none I've remembered have been erotic. I've also started exercising a bit more (I'd really fallen off that during the winter), which may also be helping me sleep more deeply, and also takes a bit of an edge off the horniness, which seems to help me with the porn avoidance. As we move towards springtime around here, I'll be able to get back on the road with my bicycle: but spring is slow in coming here this year. As with all things, patience!
--NF

[ivanmanveru]

congratulations!

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks, Ivan!

Well, another 2 weeks have passed, and I have been able to maintain my AB from porn as well as my AB from MB. And last night I was SO CLOSE to a WD, but sadly awoke just as I felt that glorious feeling at the base of the cock that begins an ejac.

The night started out interesting. As I was falling asleep, I had a really intense dry orgasm (the bed was even squeaking). It was accompanied (maybe in part initiated) by a sexually arousing fantasy that popped into my head. Usually my dry orgasms just commence as I'm falling asleep with no mental imagery, so having a fantasy with it is something new. Not that I haven't had sexual fantasies before, but since I've had dry orgasms in this 13 1/2 month AB period they haven't been combined with fantasies.

A few hours later, I got up to pee and as I was falling asleep had the same fantasy and another really intense dry orgasm. Then later, I had my almost-wet dream: details are sketchy, but I saw someone I knew, a bigger guy than me, and went up to shake his hand, and it turned into a test of strength and I started to get aroused. After awhile of testing our strength, the other guy squeezed my nuts with his other hand and I felt the above-mentioned senstation at the base of my penis, but then I awoke. I'm curious, but of course will never know, if the guy squeezing my nuts in the dream happened at the same time my nuts pulled up to start the ejac.

In the morning, there was a dime-size spot of dried pre-cum on the sheets (I've been sleeping nude cuz the dry orgasms are uncomfortable in the briefs I usually wear). Since my pre-cum is minimal and always just beads and never drips, I must have expelled it as I was about to ejac, otherwise it would have been a streak on the sheets as my penis rubbed on them.

I'm wondering what tonight will bring!
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Nothing on the WD front this past week, though one night I did wake up in the progress of a dry orgasm (I almost always seem to wake up just as they are starting) but don't remember any dream with it.
I've been exercising more this past week, which is good for my health, but also increases my horniness, and so I have had a really tough week on the AB from porn front. Got involved in a chat which I don't know if I wouldn't strictly call pornographic, but clearly crossed the line of the sexually exciting images I've been "glancing" at over the last 8 weeks I have been trying to AB from porn. Then yesterday I spent well over an hour on youtube (which is by nature non-pornographic but certainly has many sexually exciting videos) and almost moved over to porn websites, but found the spiritual strength to resist that temptation. Now if I would just remember to seek that strength before I even start "glancing"!
So, rather than agonizing over whether I've broken my AB from porn streak or not, I've decided to just take it one day (or perhaps better put, one computer access period) at a time. We shall see how that goes.
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Yesterday (or maybe the day before, I kind of lost track), it has been one full year since my WD last May, one full year with no release, and tonight for the first time I seriously considered breaking my AB. It's been kind of creeping up on me, tho: I have looked frequently at porn the last 2 weeks and manually stimulated myself twice in the past week (which I hadn't done for a year), but I stopped the manual stimulation far short of orgasm both times.

BUT... I got busy with other things this evening, and then read a few logs on WDF which gave me encouragement, so I'm going to stick with the AB for awhile yet. I'm still having the dry orgasms, tho not as often as previously. Yesterday morning I had some dried precum smears in my black briefs when I woke up, so who knows, maybe a release is on the horizon.

Take care, all!
--NF

[Maximus]

You have achieved big!!! Very admirable patience!!!

Sincerely hope you get a big WD as your trophy, bud...

[gone2bed2day]

Congratulations going for a full year! Great job being in control as much as you are. It is interesting to read about your dry orgasms. Seem like more of a mental release than a physical one. I wonderful if you were more of a heavy sleeper, you would have more success. Anyway, continued good luck and self-control!

[masanopat]

Let me quote the song of "The Journey"

"Don't stop believing. Hold on to the feeling"

Who knows maybe tonight, or tomorrow night or the night after that, will be your ultra powerful, super intense, mind blowing wet dream experience?

[NearlyFifty]

Last night, after 15 months of AB and 13 1/2 months since my WD, I gave in to MB. I had been on a porn binge for 3 days in a row (at least a few hours each day), and each day had done just a bit of manual stimulation, but last night the porn must have put me pretty close to the edge, and after a few strokes and experiencing that pleasure, I decided "What the he**, I'm just gonna do it," and so I continued on and ejaculated.

I have mixed feelings about breaking my AB. I had a dry orgasm last night, as I have had on an average of 3 nights per week over the last 13 months, so the MB didn't interrupt that pattern. Today I have had a higher horniness level that the past few days, as if the MB enhanced it rather than taking the edge off of it. Looking back, I think if I hadn't MBed last night, I would have been back on the porn today. Hence the mixed feelings.

I'm going to go back to AB and see what happens, and to maintain my AB I realize I'll need to stay away from the porn. So, a new chapter begins: I shall see how long this chapter lasts.
--NF

[Eleazar]

Hey NF! Sorry to hear about your recent failures. I just wanted to congratulate you on reaching one full year of AB! You set the record.

I wish you success as you begin a new chapter in your life!

E

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks, E: I appreciate your encouraging words!

Unfortunately, I have not been successful in returning to AB, but I am now on Day 3 of Restart #2, having MBed both Monday and Tuesday evenings this past week, fewer than 2 weeks after my previous MB. So Restart #1 AB was pretty short in comparison to my previous AB, but I had been struggling with porn all through Restart #1. So far I have avoided porn in Restart #2, but it has been a struggle. This evening I was pretty horny again already, but I went for a bike ride which took the edge off. It really is a day at a time thing now for me, and I've felt a sense of accomplishment as I've made it through each of the past 3 days. I hope to be able to build on that.

After breaking my 15 month AB, I had multiple dry orgasms each night for a few nights, and I haven't had one since! In the last 1 1/2 weeks, as I was falling asleep I have felt a dry orgasm starting (tingling in the balls, erection starting, muscle tensing) one or two times, but then all that just stopped and I fell asleep. Last night, the same thing happened again. So, the physical effects of AB seem to take awhile to kick in for me: we shall see what tonight and each subsequent night brings!
--NF

[masanopat]

Good luck with your restart. I hope that you will recover your previous will and drive to AB.

[NearlyFifty]

Thanks, Masanopat! I had a bit of a hiccup last night, viewing porn after 7 nights porn-free, but was able to resist the temptation to return to the porn tonight. Thankfully, I've still been able to keep avoiding MB and manual stimulation.

The full-blown dry orgasms have not yet returned, although I'm getting further into the "opening scenes" (full erection and even a few contractions). I am still amazed that, just after MBing once, I had multiple dry orgasms for a few days and then they completely stopped. Certainly the back-to-back MB 2 weeks after that didn't help the situation, but part of my motivation to AB now is to see if the dry orgasms return (although I wouldn't mind a little wetness, too!)
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Night before last, Day 25 of Restart #2, I had a dry orgasm: not sure if I was just falling asleep or I was asleep and it work me up (I didn't think to look at the clock). I don't remember a dream associated with it, and there was no pre-cum.
In the last 25 days, I have had morning wood a few times, and woke up with an erection a few times, but I don't remember any dream associated with then either.
I've been porn-free for 2 1/2 weeks. I guess it took my body that long after denying it external visual stimulation to "provide its own" so to speak with the dry orgasm. Last night was quiet: I'm curious what subsequent nights will bring.
If I had known that 3 MB's would shut things down to this extent, I would have made more effort to resist, but, hindsight is 20-20, as they say.
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Two more weeks have passed, and I've managed to stay porn-free, although I have clicked my way into a few danger areas (not porn, but I found them stimulating) and remained there for up to an hour a few times. So, I thought I better post, since it helps me keep me accountable to myself, before I do venture into full-blown porn.

No WDs to report, but I have awoken twice in the past 2 weeks with a raging hard-on, almost painfully so. The first time, I had to pee, and usually after that my erection goes down, but this time it stayed hard as a rock. After a bit I fell back to sleep, but I don't remember going soft b4 I did. The second time, the urge to pee wasn't as great so I just tried to fall back asleep, hoping for a WD, but I had a dry orgasm instead and then fell asleep. I'm pretty sure I didn't go soft b4 I fell asleep, which I usually did in when I was having regular dry orgasms.

So, 6 weeks into Restart #2, still no WD but an interesting new pattern has emerged. Each attempt at AB seems to bring new experiences for me!
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

It's been a month since I updated: wow, time passes quickly!

Restart #2 ended by MB about 1 1/2 weeks ago at 8 1/2 weeks: I was feeling particularly stressed, and had seen many attractive scantily clad bodies at the beach earlier that day, so my horniness was up and so with the stress I MBed for release. I MBed twice more within the next 9 days (in response to watching porn), but now I have decided to try Restart #3 beginning on the day after Labor Day in the U.S., which is traditionally a time of beginnings here.

Since Restart #2 lasted 8 1/2 weeks and had some interesting nocturnal experiences (tho no WD), I thought I'd give it a try again and see what happens.
--NF

[NearlyFifty]

Day 11 of Restart #3
It's been an active week since I posted last. Had 2 fairly lengthy porn sessions last weekend, which resulted in a nice drop of precum each time, a bit above average for me. On one of those nights, I the beginnings of an erotic dream, but then in the dream the other person just walked away. This week, I have had a dry orgasm 3 of the past 4 nights. Still no WD to report, but the increased activity, both voluntary over the weekend and involuntary as I was almost asleep during the week, has been pleasurable. I plan to stay away from the porn this weekend, and see if and for how long the dry orgasms continue. In past ABs, the dry orgasms haven't been a prelude to a WD, but who knows about this time? All I can do is wait and see!
--NF