kpg's Log

[kpg]

I'm new to this forum. I want to quit MB and hopefully return to having WD regularly.
Today is day 1 of AB.
Hope to be able to stay focused and motivated for the rest of the day.

I have been struggling with overcoming MB for many years now. In my early teens I used to MB regularly, at least 3 times a day. By my late teens, I had reduced to around once a day. In my early twenties, I managed to regulate myself to twice a month. In the past year or so, I have been having a very regular rhythm of masturbation. Once every 3 days. The urge just comes on very strong on the third day and keeps me from being focused in my work. My undies get wet with pre-cum and I just have to MB to get back to normal. In the past few months, the longest I have been able to abstain is for 8 days.

I hope to abstain this time round for 30 days. That's my target.

Those of you who are religiously inclined, please keep me in your prayers.

Those of you who are struggling with MB and wanting to overcome it, I understand how hard it is.

Those of you who have overcome MB, please advise.

I hope that this log will keep me motivated to keep to my target.

A beautiful day to all!

[kpg]

Thank you, The95Percent, for your post, encouragement as well as prayers. As to your question about, 'kpg', they are my initials.

Today I am at Day 2 of AB. I feel determined and tranquil today.

God bless everyone who reads my post and who is praying for me.
I too pray will pray for you this day. (I don't know who you are,but the one above surely does)

[RonaldReagan]

Good luck and God bless you too! The 2nd and 3rd weeks have typically been the hardest for me. But I slipped on Day 101 last year, Dec. 30. So far 2012 has been MB-free for me. (But not porn, I'm afraid.)

If you hang out with people, do things like working out, shopping, reading at a cafe, go to dance lessons, go to church, whatever, you will have a lot fewer opportunities to MB, and your life will be more complete and fun as well.

[kpg]

Thank you RonaldReagan for the encouragement as well as the advise.
I go to church everday. I am rather religious and ascetic. That is also why I want to give up MB. I want to be free in this aspect of my life.
I have been reading a book called the Pedagogus. It is of Clement of Alexandria (from the second century) which is addressed to newly baptised Christians as well as those on the way to baptism on the Christian way of life. I have found this book very enlightening and have been implimenting the ascetical practices there recommended to my own life and have experienced many positive changes. Since reading the book, I have for example given up drinking coffee, alcoholic drinks..and stick to plain water..also, I have adopted a more simple diet and have a very regular daily routine. I find that all of this has improved my quality of life. I no longer feel tired during the day, I sleep well at night..etc. MB is however the one dependency which is left for me to root out. Also, I need to get more exercise..this too is recommended by the saint.
Btw, I have always wanted to learn how to dance! Maybe when I have more free time.
Keep me in your prayers. I too will pray for you (especially that you will also achieve freedom from porn. )

[RonaldReagan]

Thank you for sharing! And thanks for your prayers. I will pray for you, too.

[Overload]

Welcome kpg! I hope you'll achieve what you desire. Good luck on your AB'ing trials!

Just don't forget the golden key of ABing, no touch.

[kpg]

Thank you Overload for the advise. No touching. Ok.

Anyway, today is day 3 of AB.

Last night, after 3 or 4 hours sleep, I had the strong urge to MB accompanied by sexual thoughts. I was kind of like half awake and half asleep.... It bugged me for the rest of the night. Fortunately I was able to resist.

Usually day 3 is very tough for me.

Hopefully, I will get through this day.

[kpg]

Thank you for the encouragement.
So far, the day has been uneventful....and eventhough I feared the worst for today.....nothing so far. Hopefully tonight will be equally peaceful.

[kpg]

Just got up. Had a good night's rest. Today is Day 4 of AB. Yesterday turned out to be a peaceful day. Hope that today will be the same. Anyway, I have a very busy day today, so there probably wont be any chance at all for MB. Also, I think this forum is having a positive effect on me. I feel motivated to stick to the AB thanks to the support and encouragement that I am receiving and also thanks to the fact that I know that I am not alone in this struggle.

A good day to everyone!

God bless.

[kpg]

Day 4 of AB is nearing an end. I have had a very busy and tiring day. I hope to have a good nights rest today. Maybe also a WD.. I remember that the last WD I had, sometime last year actually happened after a very tiring day which was completely free from sexual thoughts. Interestingly enough it was only 2 days after the last time I MB. I was actually quite surprised and I remember that I felt so good the entire morning after having it. I still can remember the feeling. It definately was much better than MB.

All the best to all who are having a hard time today AB.

God's blessings be upon us.

Living a chaste life is very difficult but from the logs I have seen on this forum, I am convinced that it is not quite impossible. That has been a breakthrough for me...realizing that there are guys who are struggling and who have been struggling maybe even more than me and who have made it to AB for long periods of time. Out with the myth that total AB is impossibile!

[kpg]

Today is Day 5 of AB.
Last night was tough. I had so many sexual thoughts. I was woken up during the night by a crank call...after that, tried to go back to sleep. It was during this time that I had to struggle with the desire to MB. Nevertheless I did not give in. I just reminded myself that MB was not what I wanted to do and that I needed to be in control of myself and not let myself be controled by my impulses.
And so...day 5.

Happy AB to all!

[cityfan1710]

All the best kpg!!

Really like your sharing here

[kpg]

Gosh...barely arrived at Day 6 of AB. Last night was a real struggle for me. I had such a strong desire to MB and my mind was filled with sexual images and memories of past sexual encounters. I had a lot of precum dripping out and I began to edge. Anyway, I stopped myself. Really frustrating. Even at this moment I am still having the desire to MB. Well, at least I feel very energised. I hope I will be able to concentrate on my work today!

[kpg]

Thank you for the encouragement.
Anyway, I had a bad day today...nothing to do with MB. Missed a promotion which I was expecting...anyway....life goes on.

[Overload]

I hope it wasn't something very important. Don't let it make you feel down, get up and keep going cause this is life and it's like a roller coaster. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down, but you never stop.

Best wishes!

[kpg]

DAY 7 of AB! I can hardly believe it. I had a really tough time yesterday night resisting the urge to masturbate. Also, when I went to pee, I had some difficulties, I realized that what was coming out was not only pee but also cum! It was really strange...because the cum that was coming out was hardened...jelly like blobs...and after all the pee had come out, I realized that there was still something in my penis and so I just pressed it at the base and slowly pushed my finger towards the tip and lo and behold, more cum started coming out...also in this jelly like form. I really dont know what this means. Has anybody else had this same kind of experience?
Also, for the following 15 minutes or so, I had a really rock hard erection with the sensation that one has just prior to ejaculation and so I really thought that I was going to experience a SE. I wasn't touching myself and I tried to ignore it. My balls were also aching like hell. Gosh...weird experience. Once the erection subsided I went off to sleep.

[kpg]

Day 8 of AB. Yesterday was uneventful. Hopefully today will also be an easy day of AB. Nothing else to report.

[kpg]

Day 9 of AB! I am really glad to have reached this day. Following my usual cycle, I would have already MB at least 3 times by now, since I was doing it previously consistently every 3 days. At night, I had an erotic dream. Nevertheless, no WD occured.
Anyway, I am not that interested anymore in getting a WD. I am instead very motivated to keep up the AB. I feel so much better about myself and I have much more energy in general. Also, I realize that sexual thoughts during the day have greatly diminished, allowing me therefore to concentrate better.
So far so good. I thank God for having led me to this forum. I feel so encouraged that there are so many others trying their best to AB.
Good day to everbody!

[Zach]

congrats on day 9, hang in there, and welcome to the forums.

[kpg]

Thank you Zach for the encouragement. I really needed it yesterday. It was a terribile day. The worst thus far. My body is craving for sex even at this moment. Yesterday, from mid-afternoon and right through the night I was plagued by sexual thoughts and fantasies and was having a hard on on and off and at times, the erection was so hard that it was causing me pain. I really wanted to MB to relieve myself. I was pretty much useless yesterday.

Today however is DAY 10 of AB. Yes I made it to today. I fear that it is going to be worse today. In these past 5 years or so I have never AB for so long. I can feel my entire body rebelling and I feel a continuous surge of energy...which also prevented me from sleeping soundly. Gosh...I really feel that I am on the verge of giving in to MB.

Please Lord, help me to get throught this moment!

It's Sunday today, and I dont want to break my AB on the Lord's day!

[cityfan1710]

Keep it up bro. You can really do it.

The Lord is always with you

[kpg]

Day 11 of AB. Last night I had trouble sleeping. I was having a really painful erection on and off. Just before getting up I had an erotic dream and during this dream felt as though I was about to cum but them nothing happened. I am up before my usual time. I have had little rest. Gosh...this really sucks. I am having a very high level of energy. My body is just dying for sex. I must resist. I am resisting. I want to break my dependency on MB.
And so Day 11...really feeling lousy.

Since yesterday, Day 10 of AB when I have been more or less in the same state of mind and body...all perked up for sex...I noticed that my penis is much longer now in its flacid state and that it has become much more sensitive. Also, I notice that when I pee, I have also the same sensation of cum moving through my penis and at times the flow of urination slows down as though it were blocked.

ok. enough for today. Hopefully, I will make it to day 12.

[kpg]

Day 12 of AB. It seems to be getting tougher these days. I hope I can reach day 14. Yesterday, I was thinking of sex all day long...really irritating...my body is trying to coax me into breaking the AB. I am still resisting. This really sucks!

[kpg]

Day 13 of AB. Yesterday was a really bad day. The worst thus far. I had to fend of the temptation to MB the entire day and it came in many forms from temptations to watch porno, to go to a sex shop..etc. At one point, ended up edging. But I stopped myself anyway. I had a lot of precum throughout the day, it would drip out of my penis after urination. Gosh..I never imagined it would get this bad. Also at one point, I told myself that maybe it would be better for me to MB then to end up watching porno...also, I might spare myself all the trouble. When I MB regularly, I remember that I never experienced such temptations. Fortunately, I didn't succeed in convincing myself! I think it really is part of the struggle to come out of my addiction to MB. The body is still craving for it, I must resist.

Oh well...I hope the worst is over. It is day 13. And thanks 95percent for the encouragement. I sure hope you are right. Thank you for the prayers.

A blessed day to all.

[kpg]

Today is Day 14 of AB! I made it to 2 weeks. Thanks be to God. Last night was really tough. I had an erotic dream and I felt as though I had ejaculated and so I woke up. But I checked myself and though there was no cum, I was having the hardest erection ever. The head of my penis was so swollen that I couldn't even pull my foreskin back up to cover it. It bugged me for about an hour. I started to edge but then stopped. Right at this moment, I still am just dying to MB.

Also, I am going to reset my AB calender to Day 1. I think this will motivate me to be firmer with myself and will ensure that I don't get too self-confident. It will also ease my tension I think...right now at the back of my mind I keep thinking to myself.."gosh it's 14 days since I last MB, this is just too much..I really need to unload myself."

And so Day 1 of AB.

Also, I am not going to post everday anymore, but once every 2 days or whenever I experience something different. I think that the forum has kept me motivated but it has also kept MB on my mind. Maybe forgetting about it is the best thing to do...if at all possible.

[cityfan1710]

It's really tough, I know...

I feel your pain because I am kinda experiencing it right now

[kpg]

Today is Day 3 of AB. Thursday and Friday were both uneventful days. I have noticed however that I am more prone to talk about sex with my friends. I am suddenly so 'open'. I think it is just a compensation mechanism.

To all who are struggling with AB, persevere!

To all who are discouraged, be strong!

Let us continue along the road of self-mastery and freedom.

[kpg]

Day 5 of AB. Today it happened again that I expelled semen whilst urinating. This time it was a little embarrasing as I was at a public urinal. Anyway, so far so good.

[kpg]

Today is Day 7 of AB. The urge to MB has greatly subsided. It is actually the third week of AB. Also I noticed that my penis feels a little numb. There is also no more semen coming out after urination and I am not wetting my undies anymore with precum during the day. I hope the numbness isn't a bad sign. Also, am not experiencing so many erections.
So far so good.
Thank you 95percent for your sharing as well as your encouragement.
All the best with your AB!

[Elemento]

The same thing happens to me. I will pee and semen will come out after. I read someplace that when the ducts are too full semen will back out into the urinary duct and comes out while urinating. It is just that you are full and maybe producing more semen than your body is absorbing. You might have a se or wd soon. I am on day 25. I do not care about getting a wd anymore, I also am just enjoying the effects of not mb.

I have not ever had a wd, so if it happens it happens. Dont worry about it man. But yes over time I noticed my flaccid size is large, girth is larger, and my penis is much more sensitive. Which past two days it seems it is dead.... so who knows....

Good luck man. Take care.