Overload's Log

[Overload]

Day Whatever (Local Time: Dec 17, 2012)

Last night I went to a party. I had so much fun, it was the best night that I've ever had. It was unbelievable! Everything happened as I wanted! Met new people, played Guitar Hero, and had a band invitation as a VOCALIST! People think that my voice is good for metal. I won't forget that night.

Actually I'm not ABing 100% these days. I don't know why, but I don't feel like I'm in the mood of ABing. I'm not MBing neither, but I won't hold myself when a strong urge hits.

Well, that's it for now, see y'all!

[Overload]

Hey guys,

Here's my last challenge. Gonna try hard to AB for the last time. Will try to break my record, get much more WDs, and see how does it effect my lifestyle. Gonna write everything every night. Let's see what'll happen.

See y'all!

[Overload]

OK, I've been so stray these days. Forget my last post, gonna reset everything and will begin to AB with the new year.

See y'all!

[Overload]

Happy new year everybody!

And here I start! Local time is 1st of January, 2013, 4:25am.

[Overload]

Well, it seems it's my time to leave. Thanks for everything guys! It was a pleasure to meet you all.

Goodbye.

PS: AGT, can you send me a txt file of my log please, if it's possible?

[smilingibis]

Bye, now! Hope you work out your various issues & have a great life.

[Overload]

Did you ever tried to break a habit that you loved to do (not talking about MB here)?

Well, it hasn't been so long, but I couldn't stop myself checking my log again and again. I wanted to write, but I can't even AB these days. To be honest, I feel so guilty. I've returned to my pre-abstaining life, and I'm absolutely uncomfortable about it. And I don't know if I can make it when I try to AB. I've MB'ed too many times. Tried to have fun, tried to make myself shoot like an eruption, tried so many different techniques... But I couldn't reach "that" orgasm yet (and it seems it won't happen until I decide to lose my virginity). I'm so confused. I love writing my log. And I enjoy when I recognize that I know enough English to write a log and share my feelings. I enjoy when you leave a comment, give tips or motivation, support me... It all makes me feel like I exist more than before. To me, this forum is more than just wet dreams or abstaining. Writing my log every night became my usual routine. I don't know why, but I tried to leave this. And now I regret that so badly. I want to make another fresh beginning. I haven't MB'ed for 3 days now. And I want to have lots of WD's. I want to feel what I felt when I first discovered here and decided to write a log.

Well, I hope you'll forgive me. See y'all!

-Local Time: Jan 22, 2013 - 4:31am

[kipman]

Life is full of attempts, tries, and regroupings. Even if you aren't "perfect" in your AB quest, I'd definitely encourage you to write and share, like you have in the past. I can't speak for the others, but I'm definitely not grading you. It's perfectly ok to change your mind, and it's perfectly ok to be you! There is no one in the world who is a better you than you!

[Overload]

Thanks for your message, kipman! I appreciate your support and welcome

Day 3 (Local Time: Jan 23, 2012 - 0:40am)

Had a surprising day today. First, an earthquake hit us. It wasn't a big deal, just shook a little bit, no damage happened. Then, I realised that my compensate exams are two days later! I quickly bought a new ticket, tomorrow I'll fly to Istanbul again. I'll be there for four nights. Duh, I hate bad surprises! I was planning to rest. Anyway, at least it's not for a whole month.

Today I was a little bit horny, wanted to rub my worm so badly. I could change my mind and kept my hand away from it. I hope I won't find my hand in my boxers accidently. I was gone astray for a long time, it's time for recovery!

Well, that's it for now, see y'all!

[Jason89]

I feel ya... It is hard. Welcome back!

[Overload]

Thanks Jason!

Day 4 (Local Time: Jan 23, 2012 - 10:03pm)

After a short and tiring flight, I'm in Istanbul now. Dammit, I already missed my home. Nowhere makes me feel safe and comfortable like my home, my room. I think this is the grim part of the life, nowhere is safe until you build your own life. But life gave me a great present today. I realised that two of my exams are on same day, so I'll stay here for one more night, and then I'm on holiday! Gonna go to Bursa, where my granma lives, it's an amazing city. I'm in love with it. I fell safe and comfortable in there too, so I think you can guess how happy I am now I just need to keep myself focused on these exams.

I can't understand how I can be horny after all these tiring things. My cock wants to shoot so badly. I'm still having troubles about not touching there.

Oh, and I had a sexual dream recently. I can't remember the exact date. It was the first dream that I saw a vagina very very detailed and beautiful. I had so much fun, but I didn't shoot anything, it was just a dry-WD. I'm hopeful about my next WDs.

That's it for now, see y'all!

[Overload]

UPDATE -Jan 24, 2012 - 4:08pm-

I have a very strong urge to watch porn and shoot. Somehow I can still keep myself away from porn sites but I don't know how long I can take.

[Muz]

Hang in there! You know that after you watch porn and shoot your load, you will likely feel the guilt of breaking your AB... Try to enjoy the horny feeling without MB... Hard to separate the two, but it possible.

[Eleazar]

Hey Overload!

Haven't read ur thread in a while. I'm glad that you're back and going to AB habitually. Complete AB will come with time.

The secret is to never give up. I'm rooting for you bro.

[Overload]

Hang in there! You know that after you watch porn and shoot your load, you will likely feel the guilt of breaking your AB... Try to enjoy the horny feeling without MB... Hard to separate the two, but it possible.

You're right. I prefer waiting to feeling the guilt after the fake joy. And I think I started to enjoy that horniness. It's so hard, but I'm having a fun without MB. This is awesome!

Hey Overload!

Haven't read ur thread in a while. I'm glad that you're back and going to AB habitually. Complete AB will come with time.

The secret is to never give up. I'm rooting for you bro.

Thank you bro! Gonna do my best this time. AB will become my habit and I'll reach to the greatest WDs.

Day 5 (Local Time: Jan 24, 2012 - 11:32pm)

I've done my maths exam today. It was unexpectedly easy, or I don't know anything about maths. After tomorrow's exams are done, I'll leave here. Can't wait for that moment.

One of my songs is almost finished. Wrote the lyrics too, in English. Someday I'll record a demo for it but it's not the time yet. On my schedule, System Of A Down's Toxicity should be covered next. Also, I need a band to improve this song.

Had a very horny day, got back from edging. But as I said just a few lines up, this horniness is started to give me joy. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm having a mental orgasm without any type of MB. This is so cool! I hope my next WD will be a very intense one.

That's it for now, see y'all!

[Overload]

Day 6 (Local Time: Jan 26, 2012 - 3:24am)

I'M FINALLY FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At last, I finished the first semester and now I can rest my mind in peace! No more annoying homeworks, no more aching hands because of drawing. I'll spend this holiday in my way.

Today was so tiring for me, did two exams in a day and I carried two heavy bags all the time. My shoulder still aches. Wasted lots of great times, and spent most of my money for buying model stuff. They wanted me to make a model house for the exam, and it costed much more than I expected. I did my best, I don't know if they'll like it or not, but I wish I could get my money back. That model is in the recycle bin now, it's so grim but true. I couldn't carry it, and there was no way I can keep it, so I put it in the recycle bin.

There wasn't any horniness changes today. It was still there, but it wasn't powerful like a couple of days before.

Well, that's it for now. See y'all!

[Overload]

Day 8 (Local Time: Jan 29, 2012 - 1.00am)

Sorry, couldn't update here for a while cause it's so crowded here with my family.

I've been experiencing so many dry WD's in these days. All of them are starting with a great sex scene but later, before I reach the orgasm I decide to stop for a reason that even I don't know. Yesterday this happened twice, yeah two dry WD's in one night. It's confusing me. I'm a bit worried about my subconscious. Am I doing something wrong? I'm burning for a great WD, and my dreams begin so great but why the hell I keep changing my mind? This is ridiculous.

Anyway, my holiday is going very well. Resting all the time. And still working on songs, making covers. This is not a work for me, mostly like I've born to do this. Can't stop doing this. There's always a riff playing, or a chorus echoing in my mind.

Well, that's it for now, see y'all!

[Rey92]

LMAO your subcon is struggling xD

[Overload]

LMAO your subcon is struggling xD

LOL Absolutely xD

Day 9 ( Local Time: Jan 30, 2013 - 2.20am)

I'M ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!! I never felt this way before! It's like I'm gonna blow if I don't shoot. I feel so damn loaded and ready to blow. And this urge is so powerful! I feel like I'm the most horny man in the world.

Anyway, today I learned that I'm gonna be a cousin again! My uncle's wife is pregnant! It made me think about my future, how will I feel when I learn that I'll be a father? When will it happen? Who will be the mother? It seemed so close to me, I dunno why. But even its thought makes me feel so excited.

Today passed with questions in my mind. I hope the answers aren't so far away.

That's it for now, see y'all!

[Overload]

UPDATE -- LT: Jan 30, 2013 - 1.00pm

No WDs last night. I'm kinda disappointed. Still feeling the urge inside. And my will is getting weaker hour by hour. I'll do my best to avoid from MB. Cause I feel that I'm so close to a WD.

See y'all!

[Overload]

Day 10 (Local Time: Jan 30,2013 - 7:54pm)

I'm still so horny. I edged even though I knew that it's wrong. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to be disturbed and stop edging immediately. Had so many precum leaks. Trying to hold on, but I don't know how long I can endure this. I hope this horniness will go soon. But I kinda like this too. I'm living my life from a different point of view. I'll try to enjoy this a little bit more.

That's it for now, see y'all!

[Overload]

UPDATE -- LT: Jan 31, 2013 - 0:01am

I'M SO F*CKIN HORNY!!!!!!!

[Rey92]

UPDATE -- LT: Jan 31, 2013 - 0:01am

I'M SO F*CKIN HORNY!!!!!!!

That's me when I am horny. BLAZING

[Overload]

Keep hangin' it'll be worth it!

I wish I could bro...

That's me when I am horny. BLAZING

It was good until I realized that it'll end with an eruption

Sorry guys, I failed against my urges and jerked off. We can say that I had to do, cause there are some guests that will stay at night and I'd feel very very embarrassed if I would have a WD and get caught. Another WD flies away.

Tomorrow is Day 1.

See y'all!

[Overload]

It's cool, you'll get better next time.

Thanks for motivation bro

Day 1 has ended just now, and nothing special happened. I still feel some urges to MB, but it was no big deal. My cousins are here now, so I can't write so long, sorry for that. See y'all!

[Overload]

Sorry guys, I'm not able to connect to internet here so frequently.

Now the 5th day of AB has begun. The challenge goes very well for now. I'm not so horny, have some little itches but I can hold on easily for now. Gonna do better this time, I hope. I'm thinking of not touching my penis until I get a WD. No more "little" edgings, Mr. "Scumbag" Brain and his slave Penis! Edging doesn't help at all, so if you're trying to have WDs in this way, leave it immediately!

That's it for now, see y'all!

[Overload]

Alright, that's enough for being vagabond. I gotta get up and do this thing in a discipline.

I was trying to test if I can reach multiple orgasms in one session in this week. It was a little bit chalenging but after some kegel exercises, I did it! Now I'm sure that I can satisfy my wife in the future The problem is, the feeling is so great. It's addicting! It'll be hard to forget that feeling. But in another way, I may get more exciting WDs in the future. I'm not sure if I did a right thing or not, but I'm sure that I'll AB better than last couple of weeks.

I've MBed yesterday lastly. So today was the Day 1. It was an usual day for me, except of extreme pee madness! Damn, I never had to pee this frequently!! I just drank 2 liters of water, I think my prostate and kidneys are broken But I have to keep drinking water, cause my doctor said I have to drink more water or I'll get sick more frequently. Well, peeing is better than getting sick.

Well, that's it for now. I'll try to update here more. See y'all!

[BePositive]

Day 8 (Local Time: Jan 29, 2012 - 1.00am)

Sorry, couldn't update here for a while cause it's so crowded here with my family.

I've been experiencing so many dry WD's in these days. All of them are starting with a great sex scene but later, before I reach the orgasm I decide to stop for a reason that even I don't know. Yesterday this happened twice, yeah two dry WD's in one night. It's confusing me. I'm a bit worried about my subconscious. Am I doing something wrong? I'm burning for a great WD, and my dreams begin so great but why the hell I keep changing my mind? This is ridiculous.

Anyway, my holiday is going very well. Resting all the time. And still working on songs, making covers. This is not a work for me, mostly like I've born to do this. Can't stop doing this. There's always a riff playing, or a chorus echoing in my mind.

Well, that's it for now, see y'all!

maybe try lucid dreaming to take control of your dreams

[Overload]

maybe try lucid dreaming to take control of your dreams

I tried but I wasn't successful enough, so I gave up trying. Thanks for comment!

It's been such a long time since I wrote (almost a month, shame). And to be honest, I completely suck at AB. I gave up for no reason (maybe because of stress that's overloading) and MBed so many times. Had no sexual dreams at all. I had a very stressful month. Most of my time passes with commuting between school and home, in the jammed traffic. I wake up before the sunrise, and go to home almost at night. The school overloads me with hard homeworks and I'm totally screwed. My life order is gone. And I'm missing my home and my parents, it makes this challenge way harder for me.

Will I AB again? I don't know. I haven't MBed for 4 days for now. I'll keep counting and try to write my log, but I don't expect so great WD's cause I don't get WD's when I'm under stress. Maybe things will change, time will show.

Well, sorry for this long absence guys, see y'all soon!

[Barkin]

I believe that low stress really helps a person with being able to stick with any resolution. I'm sorry to read that things are so stressful for you, right now, and I hope that can change one day.