My Journal<50days CD>

[milimime]

<15/6/2011> Today's my fifth day from MB, started form <11/6/2011> as the 1st day. I had some emo and argument on that day, making me stopped MB for 1 day. I was grateful because it woke me up from my stupidity. For the past few days I've stopped MB and/or any contacts with my p. as I thought throughly about MB. Why would I do that? What's the advantage? Does it makes me feel any better? but what I see around me is my life getting destroyed bit by bit. I could spend hours searching for prn just to satisfy my endless hunger, trying to fulfill my darkhole-lust. I remembered I'd seen this website and recalled my failure last time. But this time, things are going to go differently. I started to understand how masturbation damage my body and life, and I will not allow that. Begone, demon of lust! I'll record my doings daily in this journal-of-mine daily. If there's anyone out there wants to give me a lift during this hard times, send your message down here, I'll be more than happy to see them and be more motivated.

Day:
5

[Zach]

Welcome and i hope u r successful in your goal!

[Ronald]

Welcome, and keep up the good work!

[milimime]

<15/6/2011> Thanks all! It seems that I had some random boners and feels kinda.... excitement or something throughout the whole day... is it called the T-buzz?

Day:
5

[milimime]

<16/6/2011> Arrgh..... Failed again..... yet at least I've my effort into this time.... I'll start again... tomorrow will be day 1... ==

Day:
0

[milimime]

<17/6/2011> Yups, Day one is quite easy. Today I'm quite occupied by works, not intend to MB at all. tomorrow will be going for a camp... hope nothing stupid happens

Day:
1

[milimime]

<18/6/2011> Very occupied by the camp today, I had no intend to MB at all! Getting myself occupied and get socialized is indeed a great way to get rid of MB! Another fine day without any intend to MB.

Day:
2

[milimime]

<19/6/2011> Nice... Just back from camp.... no intend..., just the morning wood gave me some erotic thoughts... other than that all fine~~

Day:
3

[zippidyzad]

Good luck buddy, when I was 18 I couldn't go more then 4 days lol.

[milimime]

Good luck buddy, when I was 18 I couldn't go more then 4 days lol.

lol thanks I'll try my best XD Hey, I'm 18 this year!!

<20/6/2011> Feeling fine during the day but feeling a bit horny during the evening... anyway, nothing more

Day:
4

[lifeforce]

heyy..hang on in there buddy...im sure u can do this...
Im starting out too and we're all here to cheer u on...take care and all the best...

[milimime]

<21/6/2011> D:

Day:

0

[milimime]

<23/6/2011> zzz...... Its like a constant cycle that I'll become extremely horny at day 4/5..... Better watch out for those 2 days... Anyway, without MB, i really got to do many works.. I had better attention during lessons, for at least I started doing sth like drawing or exercising during fre time instead of surfing for porn for the whole afternoon(which is meaningless). No MB really improved my life

For what i noticed, When someone MB, He/she will feel pleasure(duh, everybody knows!). However, the consequence might be he/she might forget what he/she's gonna do next. This happens to me, after hours of porn for MB pleasure, I might felt empty or pointless as if all my energy has been drained....

Today i saw posts of edging.... you know what happened.. XD

Day:
0

[milimime]

<24/6/2011> ZOMGLOL I had my first lucid dream!!! even thou it only lasted for less than a sec... D: In the dream i was like looking at my walet, and saw my money.....there are whole stacks of it!!!!! I was like OMG hw could this be!? I must be dreaming!!! Then I recognize that I am dreaming!!!! But b4 i could do anything, my alarm woke me up (dam!!!! >x<) Hope there will be one tonight~~~ wish me luck~~

Day:
1

[milimime]

<26/6/2011> Zomg!!! Last night I had my wet dream!!!( Dun be surprised or suspicious, continue reading) However, things doesnt turn out as normal Wds. Well... at first, the dream was like total random madness tad i cant remember, hwever the ending is an ejaculation tad made me woke up. It really feel like an orgasm but when I touched my pyjamas, its dry..... Even thou i was quite dissapointed, I went bac to sleep wif hope to getting another, but didnt..... just normal sleep until woken up by my clock... Horny horny~~

Day:
3

[milimime]

<27/6/2011>

Day:
0

[milimime]

Sry for not posting bac so so long..... But I hav come with good news. I hav really made up my mind this time. It has already been 6 days not MBing. This time it'll be pretty solid of my determination. I'm quite busy nowadays so I'll post what happened few weeks ago next time

Day:

6

[milimime]

27/12

After about 6 months not replying, I am back with tons of information.
I believe in order to have wet dream, my testicles need to be very full, which imply, I must not ejaculate for some time. I saw posts saying that in order to get wet dream, one must not masturbate. i certainly agree that. Yet from the videos of wet dreams, there could be a possibility that due to no masturbation, the penis is so sensitive that slightest pressure will stimulate and so the 'chain reaction' begins. However, it is quite hard to actually insulate myself to all those 'porn' as when I get really horny, even the slightest 'view' will make me get really horny. And so, I searched online for many information about 'ejaculation without hands'. Yet after some times, I found out this is defying my original purpose - no ejaculation. So, I started researching about 'dry orgasms' and found out the result of achieving dry orgasm is quite devastating. Through dry orgasm, there are no direct stimulation towards the penis itself (touching/humping/stroking,etc), no ejaculation (unless I am very lucky ) while satisfying my 'sexual hunger'. Furthermore, going out for social activities(especially sports or any activity that requires a lot of stamina and little breaks) will act like a magic pill that shut off my erotic thoughts. I am still using the dry orgasm method to prevent myself from ejaculating these days because I have quite little social activities (sports) other than home gym class. This will be improved when I get my driving license. That's all for now.

Day:
9

[milimime]

28/12

I had a terrible night. I woke up in the middle of the night, about 4-5am, with a rock hard dick. i sorta remembered i had a dream about many many dicks, ready to explode, but I suddenly woke up. Then I feel like I just drank a box of energy drinks, my body is burning with energy but I wasn't sweating. The sensation was really extreme like i might just jerk off at any time. Luckily I did not. I tried my best to fall asleep. At that time, I even heard my neighbours' chicken "COCK-a-doodle doo~~~~~~~)

Maybe its a wet dream, but I did not ejaculate. I had a hypothesis, maybe its because of the prostate massage I did b4 I went to sleep. I might as well try it out again tonight. Btw, that was my 1st successful prostate massage, when I finally moan like crazy when I touched my G-spot

Day:

10

[milimime]

30/12

I was trying out some theory. Sexual energy can be converted into other form of energy. Testing: Physical strength. I heard people throughout the forum claiming the few weeks after someone abstain would be the time where one's T-buzz would be the strongest. I tip things off more by watching some more porn. In within 5 minutes I feel like I might just stroke myself off and explode, but I didn't. I quickly get down and do as many push-ups as i can. Right after that, I felt 'normal' again, lowering the T-buzz to the level approximately slightly higher than before I watched the porn. I repeated that about 3-4 times and it was quite a success. After that, I went for an 1 hour nap. Nothing very special, but I managed to do some workout while browsing the net.

Day:

12

[milimime]

31/12

What a day! After some major clean-up and meeting in the morning with a cooking competition right after that, the day really frustrated me.... However, some KFC pocketful comforts my frustration. Furthermore, the porn theory really worked! I was excited and ready for some more push-up even after such tiresome day! Btw, last night was quite a bad night. I tried some hands-free ejaculation technique and only received some hands-free orgasms and a major T-buzz. I was thinking, maybe due to my 6 year straight masturbation and made my body forgot how to ejaculate, I mean, ejaculate hands-free. I should try more and see what's gonna happen next. Lesson learned: Try not to get yourself aroused right in the middle of the night.

Day:

13

[milimime]

1/1/12

The 'porn effect' seems to start to be fading. The excitement starts to be less than it used to be the few days before. It seems like the porn maybe too much for my brain to handle. I fear that it might has some effect to delay or even forbid my WD or any possible SE. I had actually been able to have handsfree ejaculations many times before and there's just something lacking.... So, starting from today, there will be no more porn for the following 2 weeks and see what happens. The horniness is quick easy to handle now.... But i wonder what might happen later... ; /

Day:
AB
14
W/O porn
0

[milimime]

2/1/2011

Maybe its another achievement... Yesterday, I spent half day watching porn but another half day not doing so... At night, I slept on my side. After a while, I could feel my thighs are actually squeezing my prostate, so I was feeling pretty horny. So, a thought of trying out ejaculation without hands comes along my mind.... I fantasized the as erotic and horny scene as i could, I could feel my PC muscle squeezing like mad. In the end, I felt something leaked out of my penis. I could not identify it as precum or cum.... Normally I have only a little precum even if I am extremely aroused. The most amount of precum is when I did the prostate massage (successful prostate massage gives me a teaspoon of precum throughout the whole massage). Furthermore, I noticed milky traces, just a bit, when I went peeing in the toilet bowl. I noticed that after I pee. I thought I had SE, so I checked my penis. I saw a thick round greyish white stuff at the shaft. I touched it and sort of smelled it (In the name of science lol), somehow I felt like it was my semen : / That's all for yesterday, see what's gonna happen today... Btw, I'm gonna try if porn can give me hands free ejaculation.... If not I'll just go ab w/o porn for the half of the day

(Anyone please help me identify the pictures.... Whether its precum or not...)

Day:
AB
15

W/O Porn
0

[milimime]

It seems that what makes a true abstain true is also cut the supply of porn flowing towards one's brain. Just now was like excessive porn flowing into my brain causing somewhat feeling like "overheat". I felt like a zombie : / But after some games and works I am feeling better. Its quite obvious that I am going to plan B - Porn abstain for another 2 weeks and aim for hands free ejaculation. WD would be a great bonus. For hands free, I mean, no external stimulation. No hands, no humping, no water jet, no other people, just pure PC and mind stimulation. Anyway, porn abstain will be starting tomorrow... Gonna take more rests for now on...~~~

[milimime]

3/1/12

Today, I really make up my mind for total abstaining. It seems that letting my body doing the hands free ejaculation a.k.a WD is easier than a "manual" one. I decided this because the days before i had quite frustrated my mind watching porn and trying to get a HE(hands free ejaculation). Not that i have given up but I'll just give it a break as the words said "The more you want something, the harder it could get". I might as well give it a rest and go on with my life, life isn't just about porn anyway! I plan to achieve my 50 days abstain 1st and see if I can get my WD. My real plan was to abstain forever but giving myself a number would be easier for me to remain focus. After the 50 days I'll be striving for another 50, which makes up 100 in total. I'll be updating my record in zachcurtis' Abstaining Record Chart every 10 days of successful abstain. If anyone reading this post doesn't know what chart was I talking about, feel free to visit his post at viewtopic.php?f=2&t=4687 and click at the last page of the thread and find the holymoly chart. Come join us too so that we can support each other and see the rivals fighting along side of us. Furthermore, after this 50 days abstaining, I might as well start a penis enlargement training sessions since the 'situation' should be calming down quite a lot after 50 days of abstaining. I'll see if there is anymore to plan/do ahead to improve my sexual part of my life. That's all for now.... later all~~

Day:
AB
16
W/O porn
1

[milimime]

4/1/2012

Well, I just fell sick : / I have a fever and a soar throat but the condition is still under control, not bad. I suspect this to be a side effect of "Porn Overdose" that sucked out every bit of my energy when I tried to have HE few days before... Furthermore, I think I had hurt my lower tricep muscle group of my left arm... Long things short, I'll be resting of these days to have my body recovered before any training is conducted. I had found some survey showing that natural penis enlargement techniques really works, might as well continue to do more research on that. I'll have to continue to find more stuff to do instead of playing my Prototype everyday : / Any suggestions? That's all for today, more researches coming~~~

Day:
AB
17
W/O Porn
2

[milimime]

5/1/2012

Had quite a nice day at school, so much fun with friends. But the crave for MB starts coming out. I started to feel like I really wanna MB and its gonna feel really good doing so... Maybe its the effect for not doing my push-ups due to the fact that i hurt my elbow : / I am going to give it an immediate try of doing push-up and see if it'll kill the feeling of MB. This morning i had a tingling sensation of as if I was going to ejaculate : / Maybe just a passed-by SE which could had happen if I started abstain from porn earlier : / Well, I am feeling better now, less feverish, more T-buzz. oh, did I mention? I also had the urge to watch porn also... My memories are trying to recall those 'stuffs' but my conscious mind is trying to forget it : / Enough talk.... Gonna try push-up

Day:
AB
18
W/O Porn
3

[milimime]

6/1/2012

Gah!!!! My fever and soar throat has gone worse.... It's turning out to be a flu now.... Gonna go and see a doctor later... Couldn't try out the push-out yesterday... i don't think i can do it today either.... Not sure why did i fell sick...... Anywayz, still abstaining quite nicely... Oh my, its gonna turn 20 Means I'm gonna update my record chart tomorrow almost 40% success towards my goal~~ Yesterday did quite an improvement on my piano too~~~ I always loved piano but had no chance to own one.... Last year's May God blessed me one which I bought through some hard work.... Anyways gonna go learn more~~ Am grade 3 now, hope to get Grade 8 within these 2 years XD (Aiming high, even thou knowing that it could be impossible lol!) Hey I'm writing a diary now isn't I? Sorry if I am writing weird stuffs because flu always zombiefies my brain : / That's all for today~ See ya all tomorrow. Oh yeah! I had some tingling sensation in the school this morning, but no ejaculations or pre-cum : / And so further abstaining continues...

Day:
AB
19
W/O Porn
4
( *gasp* already 4 days? unbelievable..... )

[milimime]

OMG! This is really shocking! Before I went to take my nap just now, i had an urge to pass my motion. So I went to the toilet, sat down, and "did my thing". I could feel the contract of my abdominal muscle.... So, out of curious, I hold my penis and took a look. There is some white stuff at the opening of the urethra! It is exactly the same as i mentioned before. Then, I had some more contractions again, some more white stuff ooze out of my penis again! There is a total of about... the volume ofholf a peanut much of it... I took some of it on my finger and "messed around" a little. The texture and feeling is just like the semen I leaked out at 10/11th day of my abstain, thick and concentrated. I bet it is sperm.... Could this be a leak? Or SE? After my nap, I intended to have a hands free ejaculation, but I stopped after I felt that I could not reach the climax (so that i won't overheat my brain again...) I took of my pants and saw a large drop of pre-cum dripped out as I forced it out of my penis (I did not continue stroking...) I took a picture of the "white stuff" around my penis. I am not posting it cause it violate da law.... That's all for now...

[milimime]

8/1/2012

Gosh, yesterday was quite a day! The rain sort of disrupted my internet line and i couldn't get on9 for the whole day : / Yesterday until now, I am having a strong urge to MB. Furthermore, I've suspected my sickness may have due to the rapid changing weather, I can have rain for a total of 2+ hours a day. I'll see what I can do on Monday. Come to think of it, if my body disposes the overwhelmed sperm through 'leakage', could it even be possible to have a WD? There had been a few times that I found my 'leakage' to be quite concentrated & thick, what if it blocked or hardened in my testicles? There's so much to be researched : /

Day:
AB
21
W/O Porn
6