Xan's log

[dec2]

Thanks Mikey

Day 3 here...

Almost had a bad morning. But someones looking out for me. I find myself wanting to m for its own sake but I i had a dteam i kissed a woman last night. Rather have more of those.

Hope day 3 is good to you. The first week is always tough, but not impossible to get beyond. We're all pulling for you. It can be done.

dec2

[Overload]

Hey Xan, good luck on your journey! I hope you'll achieve what you're aiming.

Stay stong! The first week is the hardest part of ABing, try to be busy with something as much as you can. Then, you'll sail to the t-buzz sea, and enjoy every moment of it

[xanthier]

Wow, what a week. Kinda been busy. Not even surr which day this is. Believe it or not actually managed to stay ab, but not totally porn free
I really want to meetand interact with real women but not sure where to begin, I don't have a car whick makes things difficult any advice on how to stay sane? Ive also been really really HORNY la2ely.

[dec2]

Wow, what a week. Kinda been busy. Not even surr which day this is. Believe it or not actually managed to stay ab, but not totally porn free
I really want to meetand interact with real women but not sure where to begin, I don't have a car whick makes things difficult any advice on how to stay sane? Ive also been really really HORNY la2ely.

Xan, congrats on keeping the AB going.

Consider places and events that cater to single adults. Online match sites are another possibility.

dec2

[xanthier]

so it is Day 8 I guess. had to check. single adults....well, mostly church groups is all I can think of, but I'll take a look around. I don't live in a big city. I found this online speeddate thing which was kinda cool, I met a few people that actually matched with me, that is, they said they would talk to me again. I just need to become a paying member or hope I get randomly matched with them again.

All day today I had a serious case of blue balls... I edged this morning, kind of a setback I hope not to repeat anytime soon, that couldn't have helped. Does anyone have any experience with adhd, porn and abstaining? I'd like to hear your thoughts on that.

Thanks again for the support guys.

[dec2]

so it is Day 8 I guess. had to check. single adults....well, mostly church groups is all I can think of, but I'll take a look around. I don't live in a big city. I found this online speeddate thing which was kinda cool, I met a few people that actually matched with me, that is, they said they would talk to me again. I just need to become a paying member or hope I get randomly matched with them again.

Time takes time, as they say... I can guarantee you one thing. If you never get out and never make any attempts to find others, chances are good they won't appear at your doorstep.

Keep at it and never get up.

Thanks again for the support guys.

Anytime. This board is at its best when the members are supporting each other.

dec2

[xanthier]

Day 9

No porn so far, blue balls have subsided for now, still pretty aroused but it is morning. Did good with minimal touching, as in not stroking or edging. Will check back in tonight on the porn thing tonight, I think that will help. Happy ABing everyone!

[xeom]

Keep up the good work Xan, we're all pulling for you! A WD is sure to come in time.

[xanthier]

End of day, still no porn. so, I think that helped reporting on the beginning and end of the day...because I've set an expectation that I will continue to be pure throughout the day.

[xanthier]

End of Day 12,

It's a miracle I've lasted this long. Done pretty good staying away from porn but not perfect staying away from pics of girls. I feel right now like I would have sex with anything with a pair of legs. The temptation to masturbate is strong, and I have given in a time or two, but to let loose and go to orgasm is not hearly as strong because I don't want to throw away all this work and it's constantly in the back of my mind. I've come this far, I need to see this to completion.

[xanthier]

Famous last words...haha

I screwed up guys. I'm not as disappointed as I thought I would be, I need to be stricter this go around.

On Day 3

So the goal here is to abstain from everything cold turkey for as long as possible, this time more strict. I feel I should define terms . Porn will be any image that I would lose interest in after masturbating. Masturbating is any kind of stroking and not just edging. Done really well thus far. It's easier when you quit all together becuase one doesn't undermine your efforts. keep your fingers crossed for me.

Porn: no
MB: no

[xanthier]

Day 4

Porn: no
MB: no

Have managed to keep from porn and mb for the past few days. So far, so good.

[xanthier]

Day 5

Porn: no
MB: no

So, no porn or mb today but I'm feeling really lonely today, I'll be especially wary of staying away from porn when I'm in this state. I just feel sad. I met this girl online and sent a few messages and then got her number and texted her. We texted for a while but then she asked for a pic and I sent one. No, response. I guess it's just the insecurity in me. But why doesn't anyone want to hang out with me. Even this fat girl won't answer my texts. Only this ugly fat girl that becomes obsessed with me after meeting her once. I need to pull myself out of this slump. It just seems like no one that I ever have an interest in is ever interested in me. Ugh... sorry I just feel like whining today

[xanthier]

Day 6

No porn, no mb. Not having a problem with these so far. Still struggling with depression.

[dec2]

Day 6

No porn, no mb. Not having a problem with these so far. Still struggling with depression.

Xan, sorry to hear about the depression and loneliness. That is tough and I know what that is like. I will keep you in my prayers if that is okay with you?

All the best,

dec2

[xanthier]

Day 9

Porn: No
MB: Yes

I edged this morning for the first time since starting, not a good habit to get into I know. It was easy not to touch until recently something happened to me. Been doing really good staying away from porn, I just have this thing in my mind like it's just not even on the table as an option and I remind myself how pale it compares to the real thing and so I don't want to settle for it and feel even worse.

However, my sexual/romantic frustration kinda came to a head today. I had an encounter with a girl a couple days ago that left me feeling even more lonely and confused. I really wish I had someone to talk to about it...with some experience with women. I just feel the need to express myself but I don't have many ppl I can tell. Would need them to reserve judgment, there are a few things I'm not proud of. Still, I have managed to keep clear of going all the way so that's something I guess.

dec, I am ok with your prayers, I would welcome them. Thank you

[xanthier]

Day 10

porn: yes
mb: yes

Ok, I caved to watching a couple cam models this morning and mbing because I was feeling soo lonely. But no more, I still have time to keep from going down this road. I'd rather have a WD.
My streak is still intact, I just need to act as though the o,mb,pr0n thing are all a package deal.

[Squeeze]

Xan - send me a pic if you want. I have a pretty good eye--maybe I could give you some style tips. :-D. No, but seriously, you can. Also maybe just the pic itself wasn't a flattering one. As far as meeting girls, a church group is a good place. Quality ladies and the number of women often outnumber the men. But you got to be serious abt your faith or she won't be into you. Make sure you soak in God's love first bef you tru to get into a relationship. People will always disappoint you, God os always there and loves and accepts you more than you know. He can help heal the inner wounds and insecurities and guide you with the issues you need to work on. He's your father! That's what good fathers do. :-)

[xanthier]

Thanks for the input Squeeze. I always worry about the church thing, there are so many different divisions and what-not within the church itself that it can be confusing and you really have to be on the same page...for that reason I prefer non-denominational groups but they can tend to be a bit shallow at times. I probably shouldn't worry about it so much, I just see it all around me. Sure I can send you a pic...if I can figure this thing out

Day 11

Doing better today, which is always tough after a setback.

EDIT: I'm not sure how to send a photo across here, I could always post it here.

[xanthier]

Wow

Day 13

MB: a bit
Porn: no

Mbing is not good, but it's hard to go overboard without visual stimulus. Still....hanging in there. If anyone wants to PM me, I'd like to tell my story about this girl. Maybe, I will look in the chatroom.

[xanthier]

Hmm...long story short, I failed.

I've adjusted to no porn and no mb, even though there is the occasional failure, I have not had nearly the desire or gone off the deep end with either. Really, the mb is easy to keep in check without porn or pictures to put me over the edge. It's the combination that is very bad. I think I could go a long time without either. It's usually when something comes from an unknown source that it catches me off guard. So now I have to guard against something else.

This last time was cause a girl gave me an Handjob. I didn't even like her that much, just way too horny for my own good. I was trying to stop before it went to far, but this wasn't something I was prepared for I think.

After failing, I gave in and did it a couple more times before starting again. Mainly cause I was still really horny and I'd be starting over anyway. But now...

Day 2

Gotta stay away from girls, porn, and mb this time. wish me luck!

[xanthier]

Day 1

Porn: no
Pics: no
MB: no

Here we go again. I've decided to make a lot of changes. I definitely don't want to mess around. I want God to pick the right girl for me, I'm putting away all the internet stuff and working on what's important now. Centering my life around Christ, that needs to be the basis for all my decisions.

[xanthier]

Day 1

Porn: no
Pics: no
MB: no

[xanthier]

Day 3

No porn
No touching

Still chugging along.

[jhewlett1]

Keep it up man. I know what you're going through. Im entering into day 4 so basically in this together with you. If I can offer some advice, try doing something that really tires your body and or distracts your mind. For example my boyfriend and I have starting going to the gym and running every day for and Hour and a half. I also write in my external blog every couple of days and think of new things to write about when I'm not actually writing in it. I typically until this past week have mb every day at least 2-3 times a day for I can't tell you how long. I noticed today even though he and I showered together after gym I got erect and we kinda touched each other but even then didn't feel like I had to mb. I hope the advice helps and good luck. If u ever need encouragement or someone to talk to feel free to reach out to me , I need support too.

[xanthier]

Day 4

Started to slip
Minimal touching

Day 5

No porn
no touching

[xanthier]

Day 26, Finally making it stick here. My next goal is 30. Then 60. Wet dream or Bust.

...um, no pun intended.

[ruqas]

Congrats xanthier! 4 more days until your first goal, hang in there

[xanthier]

Thanks,

My goal is no porn today. Only 2 more days now...

I started out no touching but eventually broke down on that. I got to where I would MB without edging, which is actually really dumb and difficult but I got used to the urge to finish to the point that I can stop without going crazy. Still, I try to refrain from touching and visual stimuli.

[xanthier]

Day 30 just passed!

Made it to my first goal!! This is awesome. Thanks for the words of support you guys.