19th Birthday Journal

[Riakath]

I turned 19 on the 21 and I am still abstinate since then. So this is day 3 of my progress 9/23. I found motivation to exercise and feel confident again. I hope this year will be more successful than my 18. Any comments words of advice are welcome. Thank you.

[Riakath]

9/26 I am still abstinent, and I think I had a dream of me being erotic in bed. It was too the point I thought I orgasmed, but I had no proof. Other than that I have been trying to resist temptations. One of my parents talked to me about a couple of books I bought. They were on how to please a man, and gay/lesbian parenting. I was interested in the subjects and was feeling isolated and depressed at the time(I bought them). So it wasn't a comfortable talk but it could have been worse. I question my attractions but I guess I prefer females, but I envy other more attractive males thou(they are "better" than I am). So any advice on any of my posts or in the past log entries? Please leave a comment/question. Thank you.

[kittencow]

It's good that you are keeping motivation with the excercise. Keep it up!

[Riakath]

9/27 this is one week, some temptaion but I was able to brush it off for the most part. Also I feel that "realeased" feeling when i go to the rest room it almost feels like a orgasum (and it wasn't ike I had to go badly). Sleep is nearly impossable for me. I keep dreaming of waking up then i really do. I also think with my eyes closed then it's ben hours when it feels like a minute. Any more help please?

[Riakath]

9/30 This is ten days. September is nearly gone. I am grateful for everyones support. I have dark thoughts, about going back to lustful ways. I can't allow for these to overcome me. Any suggestions on how to block these urges, exercise alone can't bring enough distractions for me.

[Lucid]

9/30 This is ten days. September is nearly gone. I am grateful for everyones support. I have dark thoughts, about going back to lustful ways. I can't allow for these to overcome me. Any suggestions on how to block these urges, exercise alone can't bring enough distractions for me.

As you may have seen in the religious sub-forum already, you could try reading religious or spiritual writings –- preferably reading that you find interesting and which has something positive to say. Probably better to read a book than an online text since the internet is only a click away from porn.
I think this is a positive distraction that puts better thoughts in your head.

Another distraction people here have suggested is playing video games, but unfortunately this can develop into an addiction as well.

[Riakath]

10/1 eleven days...I am starting to revert to temptations. So I snapped out of it before I got to the point of leaking precum in a erection. So I guess I should get more rest to help with the dreams. Any tips for getting a WD?

[Riakath]

10/2 It's late. I am losing my mind. I feel that all I work for is wasted for something I can't have. Any way I heard that there was a way to get a WD here by think about erotic thoughts before you sleep. You have to be very tired thou. I wonder if this is true.

[Riakath]

10/13 I was too frisky and I pred does this mean I have to start all over or is this what I need for a WD? This is 13 days AB unless of this situation. What should I do if this were to happen again?

[Riakath]

10/07 Because of my missing posts I haven't told you I have been cutting it close to starting over. Today I went too far. Too much fantasy, lack of sleep/ confidence, and I went nuts. So it ends with 27days! Even when I tried to stop my self my mind was already on opposite sides, so my beastly instincts took over. I did it twice. The first was with my urine and a little bit of...precum? I am not sure. I know I climaxed at the second one. On the the day I get a flu shot! Is this bad? Well game over. Is it bad if I drink my own cum?

[Riakath]

10/9 I MB again early morning today. So not sure what to do.

[Riakath]

10/10 I MB twice. This kinda happens when your close then fall hard.

[Riakath]

10/20 As far as I know I actually MB on the 14 once and on the 16 twice but that was it. So this is my 4th day of AB. I almost made an embarrassing mistake today. I almost kissed my "Sister" Sarah on the lips! First and for most she is NOT my blood related sister. We are so close as friends we refer to each other as siblings and when I met her mom she "adopted" me. I had a dream of her last night, but It wasn't sexual unless she is with me while I'm in my underclothing and she's not. So I guess this means I am thinking about her on a un/sub conches level. But it's a hopeless dream to be with her, she sees me as her "brother" so if she ever decides to date, it win't be me. I wish I could but I respect her wishes to be just "siblings". Besides isn't a sister closer than a wife? Will these thoughts lead me to a Nocturnal Emission?

[Riakath]

10/26 It's been a while, but has not ben very good. Yesterday I MB twice and can't remember the other times. I did receive prayer today. I seem primeval, i think just going nuts. But what can I expect, I try hard to be virtuous and only seem to do the opposite. Because it's like "who cares"? If they didi I wouldn't be doing this because I wouldn't be in this state of mind of loneliness. So I try to just let it out and be done with it but I know It won't be.

[Riakath]

10/28 This is the third day of AB for me. Feel depressed (what else is new >_<) At least I am not in a mood for MB. Its been kinda hard for me to sleep but I am getting help for that. I just don't know why am I doing this again? So if I do achieve NE, is that going to make things easier for me? Not really. But it's better than where I am at now. Sorry If I seem to be extremely annoying to anyone with my countless negative out look, but thats how I feel majority of the time. I even try to hide it from those I care about. Time for some questions...

Question 1: what do you do to feel confident?
2: what techniques do you use to stop MB?
3: Is there any special diet(food, drinks, vitamins...) that can trigger a NE?

Thank you for any type of support. Comments or Private messages are appreciated.

[Riakath]

11/1 The sixth day is done. I was tempted to MB but didn't I can't go back, and I was too tired. Hoping I can get it right this time. Omega 3 pills should help getting WD right? So I have to keep myself busy with studies,games,exercise,ect.
Any answers or questions are welcome, thank you all. Happy (belated) Halloween and All St.s day.

[shadow_flare]

Interesting you are using omega 3 I myself am consuming celery and daily multi vitamins.

[Riakath]

10/2 SEVEN DAYS...and I saw a reaction to my body. After using the restroom I noticed I was dripping a mixture of clear and white fluid. It wasn't sticky but watery. I am not sure what it is but I have a hunch. I believe it's because of the first week of AB. Hope this goes longer.
Thank you all for your support.

FYI For some time I have been trying to sleep with out clothing hoping to get better results but I still leave them some what on but not completely off.

[shadow_flare]

10/2 SEVEN DAYS...and I saw a reaction to my body. After using the restroom I noticed I was dripping a mixture of clear and white fluid. It wasn't sticky but watery. I am not sure what it is but I have a hunch. I believe it's because of the first week of AB. Hope this goes longer.
Thank you all for your support.

FYI For some time I have been trying to sleep with out clothing hoping to get better results but I still leave them some what on but not completely off.

Your urine is mixed? Hm... this is interesting because Focus brought something like this up last week.

Though it could be you have a lot of fluids in you... For me, when I drink a lot of water or eat tons of celery my urine becomes clear... keep an eye on it... you might even want to smell it. One time I could have sworn my urine had semen in it... that was because I was smelling that familiar bleachy smell my semen has.

[lukester19]

Hey have you or anyone else visiting this thread notice that your dreams are becoming more vivid when you get close to one week. Now they have been happening less often to me but hope they keep on coming. Man i love it when i have a good realistic dream and I wake up all refreshed in the morning.

[Riakath]

10/3 day Eight. Not much to say. Had a dream last night, but I thought of things before going to sleep. Video games keep my time up, so I don't feel like i have nothing to do.

[Riakath]

10/4 Day 9. I had a first time chat with a good member here at WDF. Thank you for the chat. Today I slept completely nude to get a better result but it was kind of hard to sleep at first and no dreams or anything except I woke to a EE in the morning. I also take a omega 3 pill b4 bed.

[Riakath]

10/5 Day 10. yes double digit. Well not much going for me, keeping myself busy with video games. Shadow is a big help. Hope theres more success on the way.

[Riakath]

10/6 day 11. Not much, except fro the temptation of being alone for a while. I noticed my embarrassing erections are getting more frequent. Other than that nothing to report. At 9:46 PM I was thinking to much and I started to pre a little drop I'm not sure what to do when this happens. Any suggestions?
Too late, I got carried away and ended up MB. I had a orgasm twice. Tomorrow will be 10/7 day one.

[Riakath]

10/7 Day one it's not easy but I will not give up, EE are constantly going on. Also the first load was normal, but the second kind of sprayed. Well not sure how this helps but maybe someone knows something about it.

[shadow_flare]

A lot of it could be excitement...
In the end I would consider finding something that makes you want to abstain.

[Riakath]

10/8 Day 2 hehehehe...how do I put this, first of I'm a little sugar high, second I pred and MB again last night. Another start over. Not sure what or why I am doing this. Any way, clean start tomorrow. Had a experience before the new day. So thats twice I MBed.

[Riakath]

10/9 day one, I think I MBed late last night again after the chat so GameOver. I can't stop there urges but somehow I feel that this was all held in and to let it out does relief me. But it is a sinful habit I have. I MBed too.

[shadow_flare]

find what is it that you want to not do it.

[Riakath]

10/10 This time I MB out of stress, it was a tiresome day to go thru, I didn't even swim my whole laps today(17) I did 12 I think. This is the first time it's happened. Usually I do more than what is expected. It was good to be back in Yoga. WOW i just posted this on the "file comment". I am really off today. Hope it gets better from here on out. That is up to me not the world. I also had a presentation in my Personal Development class about Pornography. It was interesting, but I already knew the dangers of it already so not too much was new to me.