Wet Dream Forum

Attached is a chapter from Undressing the American Male by Eva Margolies about the dangers of a male remaining a virgin past the age of 21 or so. We have discussed this in the chat room a few times.

When I read this topic, I was really confused. And then I started reading the PDF file and got more confused. However, I think I have sorted things out. I think what Ms. Margolies is really talking about choices and the man's ability to make choices. If a man reaches a particular age and has been unable to create a situation where he can choose to give away his virginity (I don't care for the term "losing one's virginity." It's not an oh my, where did I put my virginity? Rather, it was given to someone.) he has an increased likelihood of having an emotional or relational dysfunction, which is the reason why he was unable to create the situation in the first place. However, if a man is able to create the situation, but chooses to not give away his virginity, he has no greater chance of that dysfunction than a man who would choose to engage in sex in a similar scenario. However, at least in the provided chapter, Ms. Margolies doesn't discuss potential dysfunctions that a man may have that encourage him to engage in sexual activity (or I may have missed it, I skimmed some).

I do not believe Ms. Margolies is suggesting there is some mortal danger for a man who chooses to remain a virgin. I firmly believe that men can and do lead happy and fulfilling lives while remaining virgins. The flip side, however, I do believe is dangerous: If a man does not think he can lead a happy and fulfilling life without sex (or other behavior).

meh

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Rey~

Patience is Virtue

Don't meh the article. Read it. It is important to know. Even if you decide to remain a virgin, at least do so knowing the dangers.

I feel like calling it a danger is a gross overstatement. Whether or not you want to be a virgin is your own prerogative, vilifying it and calling it abnormal or detrimental is ridiculous. It may be a problem if you have other psychological problems, but on the whole I don't believe this. The likelihood of all of this is that it is a merely a social construct, we expect men to gravitate to some form of sex fairly on in adulthood and we see those who have as a problem. If you didn't have media in various forms portraying sex as they do then I doubt this would even be a topic.

I can't argue with that. The article is just really meh. That's just my opinion. And I'm not virgin.
I salute all those guys keeping their's until now because I know, at least, they're waiting for the perfect one for them.

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Rey~

Patience is Virtue

Kipman, what is a "social construct"? How is sexual experience a social construct? You mean if you're sexually experienced or not, that isn't for real? It's only in someone's mind?

I don't know what "meh" means, but as far as I am concerned, the article is plain bullshit. (basically the author's opinion, which I believe is wrong)

AGT, "meh" is like "nay" or "nah" or basically expression of saying it's lame. Yes, that's why I said, "meh" because it's just an author's opinion. And.. the author is a female????????

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Rey~

Patience is Virtue

Ya the body does have certain needs, like eating, sleeping, etc. But sex is just a desire or drive, and not a "need." We don't 'have" to do it for our health. That's just my two cents.

Doughs, I do not know; I did not use that term in my response.

Oops made me go back and read all the responses again.

hmm... i wanted to comment on this a long time ago when it was first posted and i remember some arguments about this subject in the chat room back then and i chose to not participate in them and never said much about it, not sure why, idk. when i was 15 -16 i kinda felt, not sure what word to use, weird, odd idk cuz many of the people i knew were no longer virgins and it was pretty common for guys to put u down if u were still a virgin so i tried to avoid the subject all together especially since i was extremely shy and had never even been with a girl b4. i made the choice then to remain a virgin, but im quite sure it was because i was so shy cuz i rarely approached anyone. nearly every friend i have had in my life had come to me. i know this may surprise some people here that im so shy, but its true. ive often denied it but when i look at myself i know i lack a lot of confidence in many areas. i dont think i look that good and im pretty sure most of the people that know me think im a bit messed up in the head. i think im ok but maybe my drowning accident when i was 9 possibly messed me up and i dont even know it idk for sure. well, anyways, im a few years older now and through some miracle i actually have a gf now and we been together for a couple years now and i love her very much. im still very shy with strangers, male or female, but me and my gf are as close as can be and im still a virgin. again my choice but its definately not because of my shyness this time. we have done stuff including some things some here would consider sex but we have never had actual intercouse, cuz she wants to wait awhile and i respect that. i can say that on a half dozen occasions including a couple i wrote about in my WD log i could have easily had sex and she would have willingly consented to it. but if there is one thing i learned from watching my parents and my friends parents going through bad relationships and eventual divorce is that u have to be open, truthful and respect your partner. for that reason i choose to remain a virgin. cuz i respected my gfs wish to remain a virgin till she is done with her education. i have talked with many people online and i have found most of the people ive talked to that lost their virginity when they were very young, most all said they regretted it and wished they had waited. not sure if they are being truthful or they are just saying it to make me feel good or what ill never know. anyways im rambling about crap and i just dont agree that its "dangerous" to remain a virgin. im sure maybe there r situations where it may be true to some extent maybe due to mental conditions or certain circumstances, but to just say its dangerous to remain a virgin i dont think is right. i think just having sex to avoid "the dangers" is probably more destructive and dangerous than remaining a virgin. i will remain a virgin until my gf finishes her education and that is my choice and her choice and when we finally have sex it will be a day we will both remember forever and it may be next month or 2 years or more from now, but im gonna help her and support her any way i can and i dont see any danger in that. i think its far better and healthier than the relationship my parents had with each other.

anyways, thats my thoughts on the matter. Z

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It was fun while it lasted!

Please see the attached article from the American Journal of Public Health which points out the health risks of both early and late sexual initiation. Of particular interest is Table 3. Males who are late virgins are 1.59 times more likely to have sexual arousal problems, 1.46 times more likely to have erection problems, and 1.74 times more likely to have orgasm problems than males who lost their virginity at around age 16-18. Note also that females who are late virgins are LESS likely to have sexual arousal problems.

Hi there. I don't post comments very often but I felt that I had to try to respond to this post as best as I can. Iam 44 years old and Iam still a virgin. Iam not sure why this happened to me and I may never know except to say that it happened by chance and not by choice.
I did not read the article but it appears that it said that male virgins have a better chance of health and/or sexual problems as an adult if they do not have sex when they are an older teenager. Everyone's story is different so I can't speak to other males situations but it does seem that the article's conclusions seem to be right in my case. I not only have a lot of sexual issues/dysfunctions/struggles but I also have a lot of personal, social, health, and work related issues/dysfunctions/struggles as well. Would I still have all these struggles if I had sex when I was a teen? I honestly don't know one way or another and I guess I will never know since we can't turn back the clock - as much as I wish I could for a lot of reasons. Knowing me, I still think I would have issues to deal with, even if I had sex as a teen, but maybe all of these issues would not be as bad as they are now - but who knows for sure. I don't really see me ever having sex since the older I get the odds increase that it will never happen - which was very low to begin with. But even if I somehow had the chance of having sex, I think I would have so much anxiety and worry about it, I tend to think that I would have performance anxiety about what to do and how to act - so I don't think it would work out very well even if I had the chance to have sex. So, at least in my case, I do believe the article's conclusions which means I will have many more years of sexual, personal, social, health, and work related issues/dysfunctions/struggles ahead of me with no easy solutions or answers anytime soon. If anyone has questions or comments please feel free to post them or maybe we can chat in the chat room about it. Thanks for reading. Bye for now. Michael123

I think there is a confusion here between cause and effect. Any teenager with arousal, erection, or orgasm problems is unlikely to have sex. In other words, lack of sex as a teenager is not a 'cause' of the problem later in life, it is merely a 'symptom' of the problem.

This therefore in no way implies that a person not having sex as a teenager for moral or ethical reasons (as opposed to sexual dysfunction reasons), or even from a lack of opportunity, is destined to have the problems described.

Millions of young males in non-western cultures basically cannot have sex outside of marriage due to strong cultural, religious, and legal constraints. Many of those same cultures also strongly prohibit masturbation. Many males in these cultures thus have wet dreams as their normal outlet until marriage, and then they have perfectly satisfactory sex lives. The majority of the males in these cultures do not have the sexual problems described above.

I haven't read this article either so I can't speak specifically about the content, but the idea that people who did not lose their virginity around the same time as most other people therefore suffer sexual problems seems a bit suspect to me.

Obviously I have no specific evidence so I'm just hypothesising, but that just sounds like a classic case of "post hoc ergo propter hoc", that is to say I find it hard to believe that such issues would arise directly as a result of not having lost one's virginity aged 16-18.

Whilst many people would make a deliberate lifestyle choice to maintain their virginity based on personal feeling, religion, law etc (as some here indeed have), I would suggest that for some others it is not by choice but due to other issues, such as sexual repression, fear of sex or relationships, taboo, being closeted, an earlier traumatic sexual experience, health issues or something along those lines - and I would suggest it is those same reasons that also give rise to later issues such as erectile dysfunction, difficulty achieving orgasm, emotional issues around sex and such like.

I don't believe the idea that, for example, "Joe didn't have sex until he was 30 and is unable to achieve an orgasm during sex" represents cause and effect, but more likely that both are symptoms of something else.

That may all be BS but it's just my uneducated opinion

That really depends on the individual.
Prior to giving up my virgin card I really didn't care if I did gave it up or not. I'm a very logical person (at times) and I see everything: love, sex, relationships, intelligence, life, society, and many other things, at a different perspective than a lot of other people. Though yes, I waited longer than usual to give it up, I would have been content with my life even if I didn't.
Despite this, the only people maintaining their virginity that it harms are the people with the stigma that being a virgin is bad. This can be amplified by peer pressure and regions where you live.
Her argument isn't that strong as it seems to only focus on a few cases that lead nowhere... kind of like the circumcision studies lol

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Current Day of Abstaining: ---
Longest Abstaining Record: 36 Days November 2011-December 2011
Date of Last Wet Dream: 04/28/2015
Total # of Wet Dreams: 16; First WD 07/21/2010