Wet Dream Forum

Alright im 16 and since 7th grade i've been fighting with a force that always wins. PORN. I go to church 2 days a week and i know this has to go but every time ill cry out to God and repent but wait the addiction wins again. I need help ive not told my parents because they think im a great kid and all. so help please.

most of the stuff i entere in my profile isnt true

Dear "One" (I will not call you "hopeless" because that isn't true!):

I know exactly where you are coming from and what you are going though. I, too, am a follower of Jesus Christ, and I too battle w/a porn addiction. When I was a teen, my parents probably also thought I was "perfect," well, OK, maybe not completely! But they certainly didn't know about my very secret problem. To be horny and to masturbate even is "normal" for a teen boy as your body is raging w/hormones and you are learning about yourself and sexuality, and dealing w/all kids of emotional stuff, things at school, social stuff, battles w/parents, etc. The teenage years are tough! Man! And it makes it tougher when you feel like you can't talk about this stuff. Allow me to let you in on a secret: guilt--which is feeling bad about something you have done, can indeed be from God. It shows us our mistake and that we need to repent (which literally means to "turn around"). But who do we (should we) turn to when we "blow it" and mess up (w/porn or anything else)?--God! He is the Righteous One, sure, but He is also our Loving Father and the one who forgives us, and washes us clean! Remember Jesus died for that very purpose! So, the purpose of guilt is to lead us back to God when we have turned away from Him, it's not intended to push us away further. You know what does that? Shame. Shame is defined as feeling bad for who we are as a person. It is being mad at yourself, not your actions. Shame does not, let me repeat, does NOT come from God. You know how I know this? Because what do we do when we feel shameful--turn further away from God. We start to think that we are worthless, no good, we'll never change, we are "hopeless." ALL of those thoughts do not come from God! That is the enemy playing on the weaknesses of our flesh. God says that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." God says we are made "in His image." God knows each hair on our head and collects our tears in a bottle. God sent His only begotten Son to suffer shame, pain, and the weight of the world's sin to what--bring us to Him in a perfect way. The word says, "All who look to Him (Jesus) will be saved." You are not hopeless because God is the God of hope. Christ is your brother, and the very Spirit of God lives inside of you. You are chosen in him, chosen to bear good fruit, which will grow in you because God has pre-ordained it. You are a Child of God, holy in His sight. Looking at porn, though not a good thing, does not change that fact. It is because these wonderful things are true that you feel this way-guilty-because sin does not align with the way God has for you to live. But the shame that you are also feeling, does not come from God.

Solution? Turn to God--and keep turning to him each time you fail, whatever it is. Remember this Proverb: "For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." (Prov. 24:16). You are righteous, not because of any "good" thing you have done, but because of the righteousness of Christ. You have been justified though faith in Him. Scandalous, isn't it?

Now, what to do? I understand you feeling like you can't talk to your parents about this, and since I don't know them, I will take your word for it. But since you are plugged into a church (that is awesome!), what about your youth pastor? Again, I don't know what your church is like, but as a youth worker myself who has served at several churches I cannot imagine any youth pastor would shame or embarrass you about this issue. He/she instead would be so thankful that you trust him enough to share this kind of struggle with him, and he will do everything in his power to help you break free from this battle. It will take time, addictions are struggles, and sometimes you have to dig deeper to look at the other issues in your life to see what is driving you to porn so much. I'm sure they will have some resources to offer you (the best being their listening ear, their counsel, their prayer, and just walking with you through this!) I can't imagine that you are the only guy in your youth group/church that struggles w/this issue, so you won't be alone, and I doubt your youth worker will be "shocked"! (I would talk to a male, preferably. It will be a lot more comfortable, and he will be able to understand and relate to you better.)

Porn, unfortunately, is so easy to access these days. There are many good websites you can go to as well to help you with this, a good and rather fun one is http://www.triplexchurch.com They call it the "#1 Christian Porn Site" but don't be scared/put off. It is sort of a joke, because it is actually a site to help people get out of porn and there are a lot of great resources there and forums for support, books you can order, etc., etc. One book off of the top of my head I can recommend is "Every Young Man's Battle" it deals with *every* teen guy's struggle as a Christian to live in sexual purity, and a LOT of young men have been blessed and helped by it. You can also find it at any Christian and many regular bookstores, and can order it online from Amazon and other places. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if one of your buddies from church has a copy, it is quite popular.

The other practical thing you need to do to fight this is to cut off your supply! When you say porn--how are you getting it? Internet, magazines/videos; from friends, brothers, online, etc. If it is online, get a porn filter, such as the one from Integrity online. Google it! That's what I use now and it works GREAT! Blocks the bad stuff and not the good stuff! If its from friends, tell them you are trying to stay away from that stuff; if they don't listen, they aren't really that great of friends and you should ditch them for some better ones! And if an internet filter would work, don't be afraid that your parents will assume you look at adult websites if you ask them to get you one. Just tell them that it is so easy to accidently have stuff pop up (which is true!), and you want to avoid that, so a filter would help. I can't imagine they would say no, the filters aren't that expensive.

Anyway, hope this helps, hope-filled one! You are loved and you will have the victory in Jesus' name. Write back or PM me if you'd like.

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Current Day of Abstaining:3? (Upd8 3/29/2014)

thanks i can know i can do this but then ill all the sudden be weak and fall.its not monthly but every day ill feel weak some days i resist but most of the time dont. thanks for the encouragement. today is new day. yesterday i was clean. every day im clean im going to tally it IF i screw up ill scratch them out and start again.

Yeah, but you're going to stay "weak" until you deal w/the root issues of why you are masturbating, even when you don't want to. You are young and probably really horny, so the temptation will always be there probably several times during the day. If you just focus on trying not to go it, then in a way, you are still focusing on masturbation, which is to say you're still thinking about it, and the more you think about it, the more likely you are to give in! So, you need to monitor the other issues in your live, stay positive, stay busy, stay social, stay plugged in to God throughout the day! And talk to your youth pastor and if you have some good buddies who you trust, them too. Its easier to do this w/other people, and I really think your youth pastor could help. And find that "Every Young Man's Battle" book and read it. That's an order!

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Current Day of Abstaining:3? (Upd8 3/29/2014)

I've only briefed over the previous postings of advice, so as I offer my own I may overlap theirs some.


4 tips to overcome masturbation:

1) Have someone you report to.
Get a pastor, priest, or local religious or spiritual authority to confess the problem to, go over it and ways to solve it, and set a plan with him to meet with him briefly once a week or every other week. Every week, report on how you did. That's all, but the knowledge that you report progress to someone else makes messing up a lot harder! I know! And be bold about it. Explain to this person that you have a plan, and this is what it is.
If you're really good at personal, honest, forthright prayers, then you can confide with God and report to him. (I don't rely on this solely because I don't feel I'm good at praying.)

2) Don't be afraid to seek help from someone trustworthy.
Worried about how you look? Remember it's better to get to Heaven without an eye than to hell with both eyes in tact. i.g. if your reputation offends thee, pluck it out.

3) Be open and wait for inspiration to arrive in the Lord's own time.
A week ago, I was at a "fireside" of sorts where my local spiritual and religious authority spoke. He wasn't talking about pornography or anything directly, but as with anything spiritual it relates well to so many things. Since then, I've gone a week without MB. For me, that's really good. Two weeks would be incredible. But I was open to being affected by whatever was said and the Lord granted me the gift of insight. For a whole week now, MB is a silly idea and not interesting. (What a weight off my shoulders!)

4) Find what you do when you masturbate and don't do that.
If you take baths occasionally and MB there occasionally, don't take any more baths. If using a secluded computer has gotten you to look at erotic images and led to MB, don't even touch that secluded computer again (or move it). It's important to remember that we often reach MB through lots of small steps. At first, it's sinless, and just happens to be one step closer, then it's "I'll just read up on something that might be taken as porn", or "I'll just percolate an erotic fantasy since I'm so bored right now", and then it finally leads to doing something that you would NEVER consider doing if you hadn't gotten so close, but the urge is there and you've just got to finalize it.
The step to stop at is that very very first one, the sinless step that just happens to be one step closer.

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We cannot do good except to someone else. Evil we can do alone.