Wet Dream Forum

Your mom walked in, Yikes! That'll put a damper on things! ^_^

DAY 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's awesome, I finally made it through day 4.....but not without a big battle! Oh my goodness, it was the longest battle ever. I was half-mb-ing (on the verge of ejaculating) for like an hour and a half. A couple drops of cum leaked out, but I managed to seal the gates before the big wave poured out! Afterwards, my tummy (or is it the prostate) and my balls ached like never before. I could hardly even walk! But I kept reminding myself that the pain signified battle scars. Wooh....crazy life. Tommorow is day 5! I've only passed day 5 once in my life before, and that was a couple of years ago. This will be the second time for me to tackle it.

The longest I've ever abstained was for 1 week, about a couple of years ago. But it was for no good reason I was able to persevere that long. I stopped mb-ing for a week so that I could experience a super mb session! Now it's for a different cause. Now it's to break the chains of mb for good! FREEEEDDOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Good luck in breaking your record!

After months of struggling, I have finally broken my record in this forum. I proudly present...

DAY 5

My prostate is stuffed! I don't need to half-mb to get "blue balls." It hurts by itself due to the increased pressure. It's awesome! I keep telling my body: this is something you're gonna have to get used to from now on~ My erections have become uber strong; a slight rub is sufficient to produce an erection. Just as Millerlite predicted, after abstaining for a while, your horny level eventually goes down. There was far more lust in Day 4 than in today. Hopefully tommorow too will be another day of victory. Thanks everyone for the support and encouragement; I wouldn't have been able to make it this far without it.


bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Bonbon:

I'm not sure what the THIS in the above quote refers to, but if it is referring to "blue balls", then let me assure you, that discomfort does not necessarily always accompany long periods without ejaculation. I'm not sure what all the causes and cures are, but my guess is that, with time, your body will adjust to abstinence and you will not feel that discomfort.

If by the term THIS you are referring to abstinence, we're saying the same thing.

Carry on,

Ryan

PS, My thesis advisor taught me to be careful to be clear in my use of the term "this." Increasingly, I'm seeing her point.

I was refering to blue balls; pardon me for the confusion. Well, if it eventually disappears...that's great news! Thanks!

Here goes nothing:

Day 6

Today was HARD! The erections are so powerful; I was sooooo tempted to blow it all out. And the blue balls that come after half-mb-ing are so much more painful too! Oh man....I'm not even sure if I'll make it tonight when I go to sleep. The pleasure that I get from half mb-ing now is stronger than the pleasure I used to get from full mb's before abstaining. In a way, that thought helped me resist. I mean, just think about the possibilities if I continue abstaining.

But, then again, I have finals next week....and I'm wasting most of my time trying to resist the urge. And then when I try to study I get so depressed and I can't study anymore. A part of me just wants to get it over with!

bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Day 0

I haven't even gone to bed yet....

Well guys, things were getting out of control. When you've been mb-ing regularly for 10 years, and then you suddenly stop, your body does weird things. I know that it'll soon pass, but I can't risk it now. Finals is coming in 1 day: I need clarity of mind. Right after I mb, another part of me awakens. The fog disappears; those horny thoughts that I had during abstinence look silly and dumb. Wheras before I mb-ed, those horny thoughts governed my all. All I could think of were lustful fantasies; all my time was spent on fighting these desires. My body was adjusting to the new state of abstinence; I was going through a phase of depression that crippled me from having a good study session. During winter break, I'll start abstaining again and I'll brace myself through that period of adjustment.

The trip was well worth it, though. I learnt a lot from it, plus I broke my record! But, my goodness, in terms of studying....I've got a lot of catching up to do right now.

Sweet dreams everyone,
bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

I think you made the right choice -- focus on studying and taking your finals for now. If anything, you might be so busy that you can skip MB for a day here and there without noticing much impact on your focus.

You mentioned 'half MBing'. I think that contributes to 'blue balls' in a major way. I think it also keeps 'reminding' your brain of MB, and decreases the chances for a WD -- maybe dramatically so. It also increases your chances for yet another slip up.

I think the brain has to 'move on' from MB to get WD's, so you have to keep from reminding it of MB. If someone was trying to quit smoking, they probably shouldn't light up a cigarette, put it in their mouth, and then not inhale -- nor inhale just a 'little bit'. They also shouldn't go to smoky bars, and shouldn't sit next to someone smoking so they could inhale their smoke. All of that keeps reminding them of their habit. They should get away from smoking situations and focus on other things.

If you notice changes when abstaining that makes 'half MBing' feel extra good, you'll probably notice other effects if you go for 'no MBing' and stop the physical stimulation. You've read about the effects that people experience and enjoy here, and I would add that you may find yourself able to be even more aroused, and have it be separated from a desire to MB. I think many people (maybe all) can notice a different kind of arousal when going with 'zero' (not 'half') MB for a while. They can get very aroused, with an excited feeling and increased pulse rate, and yet not get much or any erection. Yet they can also easily get erect. It's just 'different' in a way that MBers can't experience, in my opinion. Others please comment.

So try not to think of abstaining as just giving up something you like. Instead, think of it as an 'exploration' into new and exciting territory. Get ready to start the journey after your finals.

Good luck on your studying and finals!

That's a great quote, Texanguy! Very helpful to me.

Great Job, bonbon! You certainly beat me! I messed up on the 8&9th. Yeah, I totally understand about the finals w/the cloudiness. But I also agree, w/Texanguy, that the half-masturbating was probably the reason for the blueballs. A guy only gets them when he had been aroused for a while w/out release. And more likely physically aroused, not just horny. But, man, I know what you mean about MBing feeling better when you abstain for a while! Yeah, just thouching it a bit or stretching a certan way feels awesome! It's hard to stay "hands off"! But I was always noticing that by day 5, one night when I was really horny, that that "T Buzz" feeling I felt not just in my crotch, but in my upper body, my chest and arms, etc., and it was awesome. Because I felt this invigorating pleasuer there, and bec. I don't want to masturbate, I was feeling like, why would I want to MB and feel guilty when I can enjoy this awesome, pure, pleasure? It was something that I don't know I've ever felt before.

Alas, though, I blew it the next day, but that was bec. I started to look at porn and it became too much for me. (I'm dealing w/an addiction to porn, so sometimes that gets in the way when I mess up w/it.) But man, I want to go back to that "place," how I was feeling that evening! B)

Anyway, good luck w/your finals, and be good to yourself.

Hi everyone! Thanks for the encouragement~

I'm on Day 3 right now. I found out that, when you want to achieve something, it's always best to aim for something higher. It's like the saying "Aim for the sky, for if you fail you will at least reach the clouds."

This is how C.S. Lewis puts it: "It seems a strange rule, but something like it can be seen at work in other matters. Health is a great blessing, but the moment you make health one of your main, direct objects you start becoming a crank and imagining there is something wrong with you. You are only likely to get health provided you want other things more—food, games, work, fun, open air."

Therefore, C.S. Lewis tells Christians to aim for the highest: "Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither."

This is what I'm trying to focus on. Every morning, after reading the Bible, I try to give up all my pride and selfish ambitions to God: I surrender my life to Christ and allow Him to take over.

And I believe, as I am drawing near to Christ, Christ will cut me loose from the bondage of masturbation.

I won't be posting everyday from now on, but I will still be checking in regularly.

Good luck everyone on achieving a wet dream!

bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

You've got it, Bonbon! I couldn't have said it better. You've got to aim "higher" than the problem; focusing on it still gives it power over you in a way. Good words!

Hey everybody,

well, I'm back again....its been a while since I've visited this forum. I'm back because I've realized the importance of mindful alertness in abstinence. The devil, as C.S. Lewis expressed through Screwtape in "The Screwtape Letters," more often prevents us from thinking than he does putting things into our heads. By "venting" out my struggles here, I hope to keep my mind alert on abstinence; and, by reading others' testimonies, I hope to keep my heart inspired.

Day 1

Yesterday was a particularly painful fall. After mb-ing too many times, there eventually comes that one mb-session that causes the penis to feel like its burning. What made it worse is the great amount of time that mb-ing consumes; as a student time is infinitely precious due to the enormous amount of homework. Feeling bummed, I looked over a couple of articles about mb on the internet. This particular article (http://www.reuniting.info/science/porn_ ... l_symptoms) really encouraged me to keep going.
I made it today, but not going through some heavy withdrawal symptoms. It was so hard for me to think clearly. Trying to type up a paper for class, it would take me as long as 15 minutes just to come up with one sentence! In the end, I gave up and decided to play video games with my cousin. That's at least better than just mb-ing.
The online article said that it would take 2 weeks to break free from the distressing withdrawal symptoms. However, it said that the symptoms would get worse over the course of those two weeks. I believe that consistency is the key. I must regularly remind myself of this struggle, and regularly pray: only by God's grace and power will I pull through.

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can...watch the things you gave your life to,
broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:"
-Rudyard Kipling, excerp from "If"

bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

I think there is some truth to what you are saying. After all, we don't usually carefully weigh all the options and then make a choice to do what we think is wrong. Instead, we just sort of fall into things without stopping to fully consider our actions.

I suspect we each experience "withdraw" in different ways. I can certainly say I have been where you are in some ways. On the rare occasions I went without in earlier years, things could get pretty crazy pretty quickly. It was also similar the first few attempts at quiting in the past months. At some point, despite the fact I have not totally broken the habit, it lost some of its power. There are still "withdraw" symptoms even on this latest attempt I am making, but it is nothing like it was the first few times.

There is a real power in prayer, unfortunately I have not developed a very good prayer life at all.

Best of luck to you and God bless you.

p.s. When I first noticed that avatar I thought, "Why is a canary holding a match?"

That made me laugh out loud, in public. :lolg:

Thanks for the encouragement anonymous2007usa! I'm glad to hear that, over repeated abstinence attemps, the withdrawal symptoms mitigate (at least in your case). Keep me updated on your progress. My prayer life isn't the best either, but I'll keep in mind to pray for you.

DAY 2

I must admit, I half-mb-ed today. No cum were wasted, but a lot of hours and dopamine were. I guess half-mb-ing is better than mb-ing to the full, but that gives me no reason to be content with it. As C.S. Lewis said: "We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them." Also, one of my sunday school teachers described sin like a whirlpool: you might start out small, but it will suck you in deeper and deeper.
The fact is, half-mbing doesn't contribute the emancipation of the dopamine-prolactin cycle (http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain).

However, I'm still calling today Day 2 in abstinence because it is at least an improvement. More semen means a healthier body (http://www.anael.org/english/masturbati ... uences.htm) and a step towards a wetdream.


Good night and good luck all,
bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

If you manage to stop yourself before completing the act, then I would count that as a success. You have not yet given in and had full release, so I think it is fair to continue counting.

I think one of the ways we trick ourselves (I have certainly been guilty of this) is to think that it really masturbation unless we go all the way to ejaculation and orgasm. However, in a strict sense, half-masturbating is sort of like being half-pregnant. If we set out not to pleasure our selves at all in such a way, it makes it far harder to slip up and go too far.

While I don't want to get into particulars of theology or morality my particular beliefs indicate that if I willfully masturbate, while knowing that it is wrong, that it is in fact a serious sin due to the grave matter of abusing the gift of human sexuality. So, to the best of my ability I avoid any extra stimulation.

Obviously I have stumbled and fallen many times since starting this journey, and it is likely I will do so again before the race is fully run. I do not at all wish to condemn anyone for their faults or failings, nor do I wish to denigrate the achievements of those who are making an effort. Yet, I do try to be honest about the way I see things.

While not wanting to get into the theories of ideology either I must say your statement resonated with me.
" if I willfully masturbate, while knowing that it is wrong, that it is in fact a serious sin due to the grave matter of abusing the gift of human sexuality.

And on masturbation - I agree - its any physical sexual stimulation - half-mb, edging etc IS masturbation. So by definition it has to strictly hands off for me.

anonymous2007usa and BeachBoy,
you guys are absolutely rights. Half-mbing is no good....in fact, I just failed yesterday for that very reason. While I was "on the edge," my mom suddenly came inside the room; shocked, I lost all control and the white stuff bursted forth like a popped zit. Alas, today is my Day 1 again.
I'm changing my philosophy on abstinence: I think it really helps just to keep your mind off of it. It's kinda like that experiment where they placed a little kid in a room with a bunch of toys and a plate of candy. If you don't tell the kid anything, it's more likely that the kid will just play with the toys and ignore the candy. However, if you tell the kid "don't eat the candy," the kid will be a lot more likely to eat the candy. For instance, today I was so busy with activities that I didn't even think about, or deal with, mbing. It was actually when I came into this forum and started recollecting my thoughts for the day that I felt the temptation to mb. It seems like human nature to want to break rules. If I'm not wrong, the Bible talks about the law evoking sin with humans; also, one purpose of the Old Testament laws is to show us that we can't follow those laws. Also, doesn't the Bible say something like "with Christ, we are free from the law?" I don't know, but to me it feels like it's no good for us humans to continually feel burdened by rules and laws. C.S. Lewis describes following Christ as more like painting a picture rather than following a bunch of laws. Just a thought. What do you guys think? After all, when it comes down to abstinence, you guys are veterans compared to me.

Best wishes,
bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

lol .. Did she notice ? Bit hard not to not notice I imagine. I would die. The memory of that episode should help keep you hands off for a few days at least

Veteran, the only thing I'm a veteran of is trying & failing. I've yet to make it through a week without edging.

The sex drive is the strongest drive after the will to live. You can't kill it or ignore it so you have to deal with it. If you don't MB then you are going to be horny a lot of the time. Enjoy being horny, enjoy the feelings, give thanks. You will be rewarded with release. Don't regard masturbation as an option. Your kid/sweets analogy is spot on. If I regard masturbation as an an option then I'm thinking of it all the time which leads to edging which either leads to ejac or a totally over the top sexual craziness and blue balls. Bottom line is if you start playing you've set yourself up to fail or made it 10 times harder not to fail.

On the law thing - we are not under the laws of Old T. I'd say focus on fruits of the spirit as a guideline - patience, self control would be a relevant.

I was under a blanket when it happened, so it wasn't so obvious. But, yeah, it was pretty scary.

Just to give a quick recap, yesterday was Day #2. I half-mbed some, but not too much because my dad wanted to spend time with me for a good chunk of the day (a blessing in disguise). Or, to clarify, he spent time with me at the moment when I had the urge to mb.....after we were done hanging out, the urges were pretty much gone.

Alright, I gtg now; hope to post Day #3 tonight!

bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

bonbon,

I agree that if we think about something too much, it can increase the temptation. However, that doesn't mean that if we carefully avoid thinking about it, that the problem will go away. I think it is a matter of the way you think about it, and a careful balance of the amount you think about it.

In any case, don't be too hard on your self over the slip up. You now have another opportunity to start again, and to do it right this time. Learn from that mistake.

Since the weekend should be over and you should be back at school now, perhaps that will help to keep you going this week.

Oh, advice for the future, try to plan ahead about spending time with others on weekends and such. Make plans with family or friends before a weekend starts, that way you have some things to look forward to and will hopefully be distracted from any urges.

Oh golly, I slipped up again yesterday. Today is Day 1 for me. But, at this point, school is more of a threat to my life than mbing is. It's almost the end of the semester, and the workload seems to be rising exponentially. Moreover, the workload and the time available seems to be inversely proportional. Thanks anonymous2007usa for the good advice. I'll try to think about something to look forward to. The problem is, most activities seem to have lost their luster for me.

bon.....

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

If it is any consolation, I just went through end of the semester final exams and such myself.

Also, I slipped up this morning. While I had been going hands off, today I was messing around, not intending for it to go anywhere, but one thing led to another and I wasn't able to hold back. So, while I made it into day 12, I didn't make it through day 12. Oh, well. Time to hit the reset button and start over again.

Day 1

Hi everyone....

After a very long excursion, I have finally returned to ensue the fight for freedom! Thursday and Ryan's advice in the "How do I get a wet dream" thread has really inspired me to go on. It's so true that "the reward of abstinence is moment to moment, daily." I could imagine drunkards asking "What's so good about abstinence? I get pleasure drinking this stuff" and me replying "The very fact that I don't have to drink that stuff." Indeed, that freedom of being in control of yourself is the main thrust of abstinence (besides the potential health benefits). And this is what we must cherish and hold onto while abstaining. Well, those are my thoughts for the day...

Due to the resurgence of "the passion," today wasn't that bad at all (my long biology lab also helped to keep me occupied ) As my post has been shoved into the religious section, I won't hesitate to weave in my relationship with God. Lately I haven't been having Bible devotions. Instead, I've been reading books by C.S. Lewis and talking to God during different parts of the day. It would seem, though, that Bible devotions is a good thing to pick up on again. As one person in this forum mentioned, meditative sessions are conducive to abstinence.

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Day 2

Okay, so here are my thoughts for the day. While abstaining, we must not lose sight of the bigger picture in which it is contained--namely, asceticism. We are, in a sense, denying ourselves in order to find the fullness of life. As with the example which I used in the previous post, the drunkard must deny his ingrained wish for beer in order to attain clarity of mind and self control. Keeping this in mind, it is of utmost importance that we do not compartmentalize abstinence to just one aspect of life, like say masturbation. Since the whole picture is to attain a balanced lifestyle via asceticism, the same principles of moderation and discipline which we use for abstinence must permeate all other facets of life. It would be foolish for the drunkard to say "I'll control my drinking habits from now on" only to start watching TV six hours a day. In the net picture of asceticism, he has not gained a step forward. Anecdotally, this happens to me all the time. It starts out by a compromise to gorge myself with food (it seemed okay at the time, for it didn't directly interfere with my goal to abstain from masturbation), then the compromise to spend too much time on the computer, then to watch porn, and then the coup de grace...to masturbate. I didn't think my compromise to glutton would eventually lead to my compromise to masturbate because I had compartmentalized the two endeavors; yet they are under the same umbrella of asceticism. Conversely, when I make a point to strengthen my other disciplines (like exercising regularly or brushing my teeth in the right way) I find myself doing better in my goal to abstain from masturbating. Well...that's day two. Thank God for helping me thus far.

bon

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Day 3

Today I almost slipped. Thank God...if it weren't for my mom, who comes weaving in and out of my room whenever she pleases, my masturbating session would've come to fruition. I guess the difficulty here lies in the fact that I don't want to give up the pleasure (a bit of an Epicurean, perhaps?). I make the overt vow "to stop masturbating," but the back of my mind adds the condition "in order that I may experience an even better orgasm in the future." And thus my soul is tortured daily in anticipation of that mega-blast of dopamine. And should it not come soon enough, half-masturbation sessions begin to emerge, leading either to a failure in abstinence or agonizing blue-balls. The trick here is just to give up the quest for sensual pleasure altogether. "Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give yourself up, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in" (C.S. Lewis, excerpt from "Mere Christianity").

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

whopee....i slipped...it was a fairly good run though, considering that i was masturbating like twice a day before hand. oh well, time to pick myself up again. i won't post anything else until i re-reach day 4; that should give me some motivation to get back there again...and plus i wouldn't want to flood this thread.

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Articles on sex addictions say that the addiction is a tool to escape from real world problems.
I think this must be the case for me...this is why I can never stop masturbating. There must be a deeper problem for which I use masturbation to escape from. But what??? Perhaps it's my rotting relationship with my parents, or pressure from school...but these things aren't stuff that I could just zap away. There's that fear within me that, once I give up masturbation, the fun in my life will cease to exist: it will be but a "heartbreaking routine of monotonous misery."

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis

Yes, bonbon, that's true about any addiction--one reason why we can "use" pleasurable activities in a way that we become addicted to them is because we use them to try to fill a void in us or to try to cover up or distract us from the pains in our life. The hard news is that there is very rarely an easy (or quick) way out of our problems; we often have to persevere through them, seek counsel, talk and process w/others, stay active in the things we can change/affect/help, sometimes even helping others w/their issues can help, since it is a blessing, and gets our minds off of ourselves, which oftentimes just makes our problems seem bigger and more overwhelming than they are.

When we break away from an addiction, it can indeed seem like our world is crumbling or has become meaningless, since we are now left to face our pain/difficulties. But that is when we can actually begin to work on them and get healing for our souls, and begin to replace our addictive/destructive habits with productive/beneficial/wholesome ones. It can be a painful process, but it is worth it, and the only way to freedom! Life in chains is no life at all! If you are at a point where masturbation seems like the only fun in your life, you are already in a "heartbreaking routine of monotonous misery"! Perhaps even pursue a creative outlet: writing, music, song, art, dance, etc. to process your misery and have some fun while your at it! And don't isolate yourself--if you can't think of fun things to do, your friends will! Isolation = loneliness = shame/lethargy/addictive behavior. Get social even if you feel shy. Find a hobby you can do w/others, play a sport, take a class, join a church group, do something, get out there, and talk about your stuff w/trusted others. Pray! God loves you, likes you, and does not think you are boring or monotonous and does not want your life to be characterized by that. He wants to hear from you-what you are feeling, what you fear, what you want, what you are frustrated with, what you are mad about, what you like, what you hope for. You are not alone!

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Current Day of Abstaining:3? (Upd8 3/29/2014)

Wow, it has been a very long time since I've written an entry in this forum. I was just reading through this whole thread, and I'd just like to thank you Squeeze (if you're still around) for this wonderful encouragement. You've been encouraging me from the very beginning and I appreciate it very much.

For what seemed the longest time, I drifted away from God. I stopped reading the Bible, even stopped reading C.S. Lewis (!!!), stopped going to Sunday service, and tried surviving "on my own". I began seeing the school psychologist, who at first told me my compulsive problems (esp. mb-ing) stem from a lack of intimacy. Mb-ing gives a false sense of intimacy which I used to make up for the lack of intimacy I have with real people. So I began socializing a lot more, joining a volunteer group, hanging out with various individuals, and getting involved with small groups in as much as four churches! While naturally a lot of good came out of this--such as having more personal connections, clothing style, and wit in banter--the compulsive masturbating still persisted and other negative patterns worsened. Naturally time and money had to be channelled into the increased socialization, meaning decreasing guitar practice and personal devotion sessions. My grades also slumped down (got my first "C" in 8 years!).

My counsellor, in response to this, said that the REAL problem is lies in my extremist worldview, which has been nurtured by Christianity. She said that I am an "all or nothing" type of a person--I either do accomplish something with impeccable perfection, or I do not wish to work on it at all. This sort of a mindset makes me a very imbalanced person. Either I stop masturbating all together--or I do it compulsively; either I socialize like crazy (joining four churches and in doing so neglecting other areas of my life)--or I don't socialize at all. She tells me to create a more balanced worldview: things are not black and white. I believe she is right about this and this insight has helped me a lot. Trying to have a balanced worldview really does take off a lot of the stress of life. And I have to admit that the quality of my life has been improved by keeping this goal alive in my mind. (Now that I think of it, I think there also was a person in this forum who talked about improvement via "baby steps", taking things slowly, one step at a time).

But after a short lived success, I began to get overwhelmed again.....just with life in general. I knew what I had to do to achieve "success", but it wasn't fair that things had to be so hard and painful. In fact, if I were really honest, I didn't even really want that kind of success that much....I wanted PLEASURE. And life didn't seem to be worth living if I couldn't have total pleasure, like an eternal cycle of successive orgasms (it was here that I detested my built-in refractory period and wished I were a woman).

But one day, a sudden realization just came upon me. Like the prodigal son in the pigsty, I realized that God had been waiting "back home" patiently for me. He wishes me "life to the fullest" so much that he even died on the cross for me, in order that He may help me overcome my impotence! Heck, He loves me more than I love myself! It is like what C.S.Lewis said, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." There and then I fell flat on the floor and re-committed my life to Him. The next day while driving to school I cried like I haven't done in a long time after contemplating God's great love for someone like me.

I know it all sounds so smarmy and cheezy--I thought the same way towards these types of stories before this happened--but this incident has made Christianity a lot more real and personal to me. I have begun to read the Bible regularly and wish to start my quest for abstinence once again. May I be a living testament to Lewis's quote, that "very often what God first helps up towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend of God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection."

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"The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." -C.S. Lewis