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Hi All,

First time poster. I am through 12 days of MB Free life after doing it since I was 12 or 13 (maybe earlier!?) every few days. My motivation was God's call to make my 'sexuality my cross'...something I am finally man enough to undertake.

I basically got my 'ammunition' (and biblical explanation) to start this journey by reading the book Every Man's Battle. There is also a version called Every Young Man's Battle. Though the book was written more for the married man, the fundamental principles of why you should stop MBing and how to stop MBing are still the same. A man's battle starts with his eyes, which is key to the next step of 'starving your mind'. This is the main reason for my post, to recommend the book to others desiring sexual purity.

Checking in on this forum has been very helpful. It is clear that there are many positives to abstaining, much of which are not 'sold' to most people in society. MBing is a habit that controls your actions and your thought life, but something that most men deem necessary to survive. However, it is just a habit driven by a willingness to absorb any bit of sexual material the world around them has to offer.

I am certainly looking forward to experiencing a WD as a natural form of relief. I do think I need to be careful of not making that my new area of sexual impurity (defined by anything done for sexual gratification), rather, just an added bonus to the right choice of abstaining.

The journey so far has been up and down. Day 3 gave me my first sign that my body wanted what was normal. Days 4-7 were spent at the beach (very very tough), and now that I've gotten through day 10+, I feel much more in control. At the same time, I have read many posts of people who make it a long time and slip up, so I'm not going to let my guard down. Changing your habits (of the eyes and mind) is possible, and certainly hasn't happened in just these 12 days. Still, I feel on the right track. I am using my extra energy wisely (working out, being productive, etc) and enjoying the new feeling of 'being a man.'

I am not married, but have been in a relationship (on/off, currently off) that God has called me to finally listen to Him in this area. I want to honor God, myself, and my future spouse with clean eyes, a clean heart, and God's blessings.

If any of you have read the book and/or want to discuss some of the principles/topics in the book, or just the choice in general, let's get the discussion going!

a friend mentioned this book to me just yesterday. hearing about it twice in two days has me thinking i should definitely get a copy. thanks.

I like your use of the word "sold" there, NoMbMan! That is true, if people can't make money off of it, they don't spend much time promoting it. The multi-million porn industry is fueled off of guys' masturbation habits. Let's face it, most guys don't just watch porn, they "interact" with it, ha ha. That physical rush "completes" the porn cocktail. Otherwise, it wouldn't be half as successful as it is.



I agree w/you that we shouldn't make having a WD this overwhelming goal of ours, 'cause then we are just slipping into another form of sexual idolatry. Maybe I am misunderstanding what you meant, but I disagree with your definition of sexual impurity as being "anything done for sexual gratification." The Bible never speaks against sexual gratification or sexuality per se, just its abuse in the wrong contexts. That is a form of asceticism that is "religious" but not Biblical. But as you said you were looking forward to "experiencing a WD as a natural form of relief" perhaps I am misunderstanding what you meant.

Yeah, I have yet to read that book, though I know lots of guys who have. I hear there is now a "Every Single Man's Battle" that is targeted to guys like me who aren't teens any more but who are still single, so I might read that one. I got the impression from skimming the original one once that the author was a bit Nazi about sexual stuff, which turned me off, but it might have been a false impression. I will have to give it a shot. One Christian male sexuality book that I do reccommend (though it is more about understanding male sexuality from a Christian standpoint) is "The Sexual Man" by Dr. Archibald Hart. It was really helpful to me in understanding what a "normal" sexuality for a Christian guy should look like, and Dr. Hart doesn't come across as being anti-sex in any way, and he promotes a realistic, Biblical model, I think. He doesn't make as big of a deal about masturbation as the Everyman series, but he is big on getting porn and inappropriate lustful fantasies out of our life. He is a psychologist, so he understands (as do the Everyman guys) that our brains are our biggest sex organs!

How has your journey been since your last post?

Hi Squeeze,

Can't agree more on your extended interpretation of the word sold. What's more amazing is that most people think the sex industry is just 'proving them what they need' rather than them being sold hook, line, and sinker like a sucker buying a Yugo at the used car lot (probably a GOOD choice these days though).

With respect to the definition of sexual impurity, I think we all (individually) know what we are doing for sexual gratification, and that these things are usually a sin (would God do it?). I wouldn't say being naturally aroused or feeling naturally sexual is a form of sexual gratification, but staring at yourself in the mirror to get aroused, or researching 'sexual education' topics can be (which are things I have struggled with while abstaining).

I understand what you're saying about the guy being a little crazy about the sexual stuff, but at the end of the day, I can't do anything but agree with it all. If true sexual purity is what you're after, why cut yourself short on how far you'll go to obtain that. I read the book Boy Meets Girl 1.5 years ago and thought that guy was a nut (wouldn't french kiss, only did 'side hugs', etc), but now that I've opened my heart to what sexual purity is all about, I see that I was foolish in my criticism. I'll need to look at "The Sexual Man" to understand this more, because I'm definitely interested in the ways you CAN be sexual as much as the ways you can't or shouldn't.

Right now I am at day 33. It has been an up and down road, but I feel like I'm pretty much over the hump. I haven't had a full WD yet, but have had a handful of sexual dreams that I thought would go there (I always wake up too soon). One night (day 30), I woke up thinking I did have one because I felt very good in the dream, but only had some leakage. I'm pretty sure if I was sleeping any longer my mind would have pushed me over the edge. I'm actually glad I didn't, because the woman in the dream was an ex, and a large part of why I'm doing this is to eliminate relationships (mental) with ex's, people walking down the street, etc, from my mind completely. The other sexual dreams have involved my current girlfriend, which makes me feel better, but I don't want to dishonor her either. What's weird is that I had a dream about her last night in which we had sex and I ejaculated a ton in the dream, yet no actual WD. After we had sex, the dream went into a bad place because I had essentially failed in honoring her and had to deal with the emotional aftermath (in the dream). I think my mind may have shut that sexual dream off from being a WD, but who knows. In the end, I won't hold myself accountable for the dreams (assuming I'm doing the work while I'm awake), since you only have so much control.

My GF and I took two months off, and reunited successfully on Monday. During our time off, I decided (was called) to work towards sexual purity. One of the biggest blessings I received was an email from her during our time off (we had VERY little communication, maybe 5 times total) that made me feel like I was doing the right thing, because she felt blessed by my obedience. She knew I was reading this book but I hadn't told her much more...here is her short but sweet email:

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"Hope your Monday is going great. And though this could wait until we meet on the 4th, in the week ahead just know in your heart that by simply sharing what God's been purposing you to do in your life, and your faith and your obedience to it ... the impression of this in my life as a woman has been changing.

What you've shared has been used to show me how to walk a greater, more deliberate, delightful walk, and I wanted to say thank you today."
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She started reading "Every Woman's Battle" and has been amazed by the material as well. She thought she was pure, but realizes now she has a long way to go too. Womens major problem is having 'emotional relationships' elsewhere.

I'll let you know if I get through your recommended book.

Hey, NoMBMan

Yeah, I hear what you are saying. My whole thing w/the concept of deciding whether an activity or whatever is pure or acceptable to God by using the litmus test of "Would God do it?" or something similar, is that's a very vague and well, almost impossible scenario. No, God wouldn't do it, he couldn't--neither the Father (who is spirit), the Holy Spirit (obviously), nor Christ, who while on earth had a very distinct mission, one which necessitated his celibacy. So, would Jesus have sex in marriage, no, because being married wasn't part of His mission. So using God as a litmus test for sexual purity is like comparing apples to oranges. I am not God, neither are you. I am a human, and God told Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and multiply," along w/the rest of creation. That, according to His design, happens through sexual intercourse.

When we read the Song of Solomon/Song of Songs, we see probably Scripture's clearest description of marital love in the Bible (ie, what God would have us do, what he intends for us to experience.) People who overspiritualize that book and say it's primarily an allegory for Christ and the Church need to take the stick out of their you-know-what. Though that may indeed be an element of it, it is primarily a love poem, "holy" erotic literature. There is a lot of sexual desire and indeed some sexual gratification in that book, and none of it is presented as dirty or wrong.

"The Sexual Man" book isn't another list of "things" you can or cannot "do," as if we were on some 12 step program. It is about the heart of the matter. If a guy feels that he can't give a girl friend a proper hug w/out lusting, then fine for him. I hug a girl and don't really give it that much thought, but that's me. But there may be another area where I struggle, that another dude might not. We are all different and that's why this journey of conforming to Christ in this and every other matter is very personal, with really only very few concrete "rules" laid out in Scripture. That's why the "grey areas" of sexual behavior cause so much worry for so many of us. The thing that turned me off w/Every Man (again, in my VERY skimmed reading of it) is that the guy seems to be SO focused on sex! Thinking constantly about NOT doing something is still thinking about it, and perhaps sometimes the best thing we can do is to simply avert our minds to other (good) things entirely. (It's the whole "try not to think about a pink elephant" scenario) Sure, it is a struggle, and struggles require more attention than normal life activities, but I guess I am just cautioning against focusing TOO much on the struggle, 'cause I have certainly done that before and the results are less than desirable.

Please understand, I am quite conservative on what is and isn't appropriate for dating & engaged couples, etc.; I just think its unwise to focus on "rules"--it makes something (our sexuality) that should be primarily relational (w/God, ourself, and our beloved) into something primarily mechanical, which I don't believe is God's intent.

And I totally agree w/you that women are usually left off the hook on sexual purity issues; I think primarily because most pastors are men, and most men don't get females and how they think! Ha ha. (And what they struggle with) Yeah, there is a whole realm of sexual sins (and others, like gossip, body image envy, etc.) that are rarely touched on by the church that are in reality just as sinful and destructive as the male-dominated sins like porn.

(Oh, BTW, I've heard that Rob Bell's "Sex God" is another very good book!)

God bless you, NoMB, and may be both grow in our conformity to Christ, as He would have us live that out in our individual (human) lives!