I feel like a loser now :(( so badly today. DrLoser

[DrWinner]

I'm a person who is earning since I was 17, but I didn't save a single penny till now.

Didn't make a single girlfriend. Got addicted to masturbation, sex so much that I can't even tell what I watch.

Instead of quitting addictions like smoking , masturbation, sex . I'm becoming addicted to sham-pain and alcohol.

I did quit smoking for 2-3 months . But when I get back to the addiction.. its so hard to get out of it.

I can fix all other habits when I am not masturbating for long. Since I have the energy "when I'm not masturbating and ABing". My long AB was 60 days(used to watch porno which itself created a whole new problem) and 2 months back I reached 35 days(the best AB)...

Now it sucks . I am not even near to fulfilling my dreams.

You know I'm on this site since 2007. I made 3 accounts and even came on and off and forgot the name of my past accounts..
I am feeling so good the only cool thing i can do to feel good now is eat and masturbate. No motivation what so ever. The problem with addictions is that I know I will/can go on quitting them, but when I get back to them. I feel more sick and retarded.Specially the time when I'm having the triggers. Any neuro-scientists who can tell me about the neurotransmitters or what ever :-/ so that I don't have the triggers


Can anyone tell me where I can buy motivation, commitment, discipline , willpower ??????:( where do you guys get it from ?

[Eleazar]

"How badly do want porn, masturbation, illicit sex, and smoking out of your life?" is what you have to ask yourself. How far are you willing to go to have these things out of your life? This where you have to dig deep and avoid these behaviours as much as possible.

[DrWinner]

"How badly do want porn, masturbation, illicit sex, and smoking out of your life?" is what you have to ask yourself. How far are you willing to go to have these things out of your life? This where you have to dig deep and avoid these behaviours as much as possible.

I can go very very far to finish these addictions...i cant wait to finish one addiction and then after somedays im back to it and quitting another addiction.

If there was an automatic gun, who could control me. You know one smoke,one masturbation or illicit sex and im dead..this fear would make me quit it..Cause after 1 month..im normal and energetic and willing to do these things.. and i know what im doing is future headche like im having it now

can you give a deep explanation. I REALLY NEED TO FINISH ALL THESE FOUR THINGS ......WHICH I HIGHLIGHTED.IM NOT INTO PORNO ,BUT INTO CONCEPTUAL YOUTUBE FETISH VIDEOS ...WHICH SUCKS TOO

[kipman]

Perhaps something like AA (alcoholics anonymous) or SA (sexaholics anonymous) would be beneficial to you. They will offer regular meetings (aka encouragement and accountability) and will provide you with tools to deal with this stuff. I would definitely advise against trying to do it on your own; it's simply too easy to go back to old habits. Yeah, it might be a little uncomfortable or embarrassing, but how badly do you want to change? Just remember that all the people who go to those meetings are there because they want to improve themselves!

[hh4u]

First of all, thank you for sharing. Secondly, I know where you're coming from.

You need to take a minute and really start to reframe your vision of yourself. Don't let yourself slide down a dark path and a dark view of yourself. Instead, look at the positives, no matter how small, and reflect on those. It's a huge positive that you see the need for change: most men just see their behavior as normal and society passes it off as just "lack of impulse control", but you recognize that there's a need to change. That recognition is huge and says a lot about you, in a good way.

I know it's not easy, and there are times when you slip up that you feel like a failure. Just remember, every single man on this forum has failed in one way or another. Failure is not a bad thing, "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new" (Einstein). We are all trying to control our bodies, and it's not easy. Chemical/Arousal addictions are definitely one of the harder addictions to break.

So, instead of deleting/forgetting your accounts. Stick around. Use us as a resource. Here, in private message, whatever. Reach out. There are plenty of guys in here who understand and are willing to help. I've made a few really good contacts through this site and find that there is an overwhelming support network. When things get rough, it's good to reach out.

As far as rekindling your motivation. I think there's possibly something a little deeper than just the porn addiction. There's some negative self-talk in your post. I think you should reach out and find someone you can trust and can talk to. Do some soul searching and see if there's something that is truly bothering you. Look at those things you can change and think of how you can change them. For those things you cannot change, don't worry about them, because you can't change them. No need in wasting energy looking back on the "could haves", time to look at the "can haves".

There are a lot of things that can control your life in one way or another. At least you recognize the need to change. Sometimes, willpower isn't enough. Like Kip said, you can try an anonymous group like SA or AA. You can find someone you trust and can confide in. You can keep a journal here. Try to find someone to be accountable to, but in a caring way. Having the accountability can really make a positive difference. It really is the little things that make a huge impact. I think that's where motivation really begins. Whether it's marking off a calendar with a big "X" on days you don't stroke, or merely keeping a day counter. Something to keep you going. Personally, I don't see slip-ups as failure, they are merely lapsing on a challenge. Don't see the addiction as a problem, see it as a challenge. It's not something that's "solvable" like a problem. It'll take work. There will be ups and down. I just know, when you hit your bottom and temptation is the greatest, and you can force yourself to hold out, it'll get easier and easier. It'll add to the motivation to keep going.

Also---give up porn and masturbation, together, cold turkey, for 90 days. I know you can. Even if you have to do what I do: get horny, put on a jacket and walk outside. Whenever I would get in a place of temptation, I would remove myself from having the ability to indulge in the temptation. That way, even if I feel weak, I can get over it. The urges pass and then things are ok

I think you'll find your motivation. You just have to remember where you put it. Personally, I like quotes. I find quotes to be a very relaxing thing. I tend to remember quotes, and they fit in at different times in my life, and they really help pull my thoughts together. Try to pickup some quotes to keep in your head when your feeling hard on yourself. If you're religious, try the serenity prayer ("God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courge to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference") or check out a site like BrainyQuote and poke around. I'll leave you with a few to get you going.

• "If you're going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill
• "Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now." Denis Waitley
• "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." Robert H. Schuller
• "The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." Mark Caine
• "If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree." Jim Rohn
• "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." Walter Elliot

[Rey92]

Thanks a lot, hh!

[DrWinner]

Hey thanks alot everyone. Specially hh ....

Yesterday I just slept and woke up and watching some games and sports. I just came here to see something positive. :-)

After thinking positive .. I came to know I have 100 things which some people don't have. I'm just exaggerating or may be that's what it is now.But today is a cool day.

Lets talk about positive things.

I can make money. I have a job. I don't need to spend too much on everything.
I am a person who can easily pass 5-6 days without masturbation. If I do that I can easily pass 10-15 days and so on(I have seen people who can't do that even for 3 days. May be it's because I am continuously resisting for years)
I am very energetic too. I am always daily dancing./Jogging or doing physical activities.
All I need to do is believe that I can control it and have faith in myself and change my routine and be here.

What I lack is cool friends like you all who struggle on daily basis. I wish we all guys were real friends outside of the internet world.
For the posts. I want everyone to share the things which they feel sad about and then think positive.

We humans sometimes cry too much for somethings. Btw I am going to go cold turkey. Going cold turkey creates super confidence and makes things seem good and positive..

I'll update more.. Thanks a lot everyone. I mean it thanks a lot .
i wonder if you guys skype or something. I need friends only like you all here. You know motivation and all that comes from one person. But when we all gather together talk the motivation boosts up. Lets say about soldiers, players ..they all keep on motivating each other after individually motivating. **Some rule should be like a person who is abstaining for 30 days cold turkey can skpe so that people who are chatting are literally on the right track. I am sure no one lies here **

[spermgod]

dr winner,

hey man, it's been a few weeks since your last post and i hope you are doing well. don't be ashamed or afraid to reach out esp. when you slip up. we all, all of us humans the whole world over, have felt something similar to what you are feeling. perfection and reaching the "Ultimate Goal" are illusions, accepting one's self and enjoying life's on-going journey will lead to comfort and overall well-being. it is my personal belief that all humans do what they do 100% of the time to support a sense of feeling okay. think about it: an addiction is used to make you feel better, even if just temporarily.

there is sooo much to say on the topics you brought up: addiction, will power, patience, self-love/acceptance, support, knowledge, to name just a few. among other suggestions, i'd add: clearly defining the problem(s,) researching about addiction and how to work with it, creating a simple plan broken down into bite-sized tasks, daily goals and a continuing reward system.

many, if not all, addictions occur as a reaction to unresolved pain, fear and self-assessment issues. a person creates an addiction as a way to cope with such things with the limited resources of his/her own person in the best way they could come up with at the time. this fact alone can help you to realize you are not a loser but a survivor trying to do your best. because of these things, addiction recovery is an active process and requires some sort of outside assistance. there is no "cure" for addiction, it's learning to modify your relationship to the cause(s) and living day by day. and success is entirely possible with many, many personal accounts available to read online, for example.

a question i'd like to ask is: why do you feel the need to give up masturbation? is it based on a moral belief? a basic definition of addiction is that the impact of masturbation (or whatever the behavior) interferes with other important parts of your life. does masturbation fit into such a model? whatever your reasons, as a moral choice, addiction or some other, a clearly defined reason for change can help you begin a plan of action.

so, here are a few more things to consider:

*be gentle with yourself. adding more pressure and self-criticism only adds power to the addictive behavior.
*daily affirmations. even if they feel silly, can support your sense of normalcy and remind you of your positive characteristics.
*self- acceptance. practice loving who you are with all of your "imperfection" not what you "should be."
*support, support, support. you can not do this alone and that's okay. no one can.
*addiction recovery is an active, life-long process. what else you gotta' do for the rest of your life, eh?
*with help and hard work, it will get better. hold on to that when it gets tough. and i t will get tough.
*you are NOT alone. no one has ever experienced an addiction that many others haven't.
*learn about your specific addictions and addiction recovery. knowledge truly is power.

there are so much more to say. i hope this is helpful, mrwinner. and LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING!

take care-- spermgod

[wolf_of_benjamin]

don't feel so bad, there's not one problem uncommon to any man....